“We’re so proud.” Rosie handed me the box of chamomile tea bags. “Now what else is on your mind?”
“Nothing.”
“Probably her boss,” Olivia said. “He’d be on my mind if I had to work around that much hotness every day.”
At this rate I was going to need something much stronger to drink than an herbal tea. “Stop it or I tell Rosie the wallpaper is ugly.”
Rosie shot Olivia the side-eye then crossed her arms over her cardigan. “Something has you down, Hattie.”
“It’s nothing. Really. I thought we were here to work—not pry.” After the last session at the farm, I’d Googled the rodeo event for more information. My dad and his former rodeo pals would be making nightly appearances at the rodeo in Mission Springs, Oklahoma. The destination was an easy drive. But a hard decision to make. I hadn’t seen Buck in twenty-three years. Would I go? And if I did, what would I say? Part of me felt like this was my chance to exorcise some demons, to let that seven-year-old girl finally speak her heart. And maybe, just maybe, I could heal in a way I never had before. Make better decisions about relationships. Pick men who weren’t losers or who dumped me on our way to the altar.
“Our sister Hattie, the private one,” Olivia mused. “You’ve always had the ability to make us spill our guts, but then you’re the queen of holding it all in.”
“Not true.” The kettle beeped, and I poured my hot water. “I just happen to work in a field that requires confidentiality.” It was time to move on from this topic. I didn’t feel like sharing about Buck and the chance to see him. At least not until I knew what I was going to do.
Half an hour later, the three of us sat in plush vintage chairs the color of jade and ate our pizza. Olivia updated us on her job at the PR firm and a potential opportunity to work with a famous author, while Rosie shared stories of her latest foster pup.
When Olivia got up to take her fourth call for the night, I reached for Rosie’s hand. “Are you doing okay?”
My sister, always comfortable with a silence that most tried to fill, took a deep breath and gave the thought some time. She sipped on a bottle of water and wiped up the wet ring it left on a nearby box. “When I found this building, I knew immediately it was the one.” Her thoughtful gaze slowly traveled across the space. “I’ve wanted to own a bookstore since I was a kid getting lost in the stacks of the library.”
I smiled at the sweet memories. “We always knew when you were missing we could find you in the fairytale section.”
“Every once in a while the doubts creep in, and then the pain of missing Chase hits me on the hour. I thought we’d be doing this together.”
“He’d love the building you chose,” I said. “Chase would be so happy you’re pursuing your dream.”
“But it wasourdream. It feels so weird to not have him here. It’s so…lonely.”
“Olivia and I are here. And we love you. I’d like to think Chase is watching it all from heaven and cheering you on.”
“I can still feel him.” She gave a small laugh at the admission. “Sometimes I hear his voice or swear I smell him. I turn around, and when he’s not there it nearly knocks me to the floor.”
Holding my sister’s hand, I sent up a silent prayer for Rosie, wishing for an ease of her sorrow. “You’re welcome to come out to Hope Farms.” I bit my lip on a laugh, knowing the reaction my suggestion would get. “Spend some time with the horses. Pet them and tend them. It’s certain to bring you some respite.”
Rosie shivered in her seat and pulled her fingers from my grip. “More like certain to bring me traumatic flashbacks.” She chuckled anyway and her smile buoyed my own flagging spirits. “Those animals hate me. They know I’m afraid of them, and they all conspire to make me miserable.”
“One fall in a pond as a kid, and you act like every horse has it out for you.”
“They do, Hattie. And yet you still consort with the enemy.”
Rosie would be okay, I just knew it. While I detested every moment of her pain, if anyone could rise from the tragedy even stronger, it was her. I envied her resilience and her determination, her sense of always knowing what the next right thing to do was, and then…just doing it. I had a master’s in counseling and years of training, and I still so often chose wrong.
“Hattie?” Olivia popped her head in, her long hair swishing. “Someone’s here to see you.”
“Ohhhh.” Rosie clapped her hands together in obnoxious delight. “Less than two weeks on the dating apps, and Hattie’s already made someone smitten.”
“It’s Miller.” Olivia inspected my hair and gave my outfit an unsolicited nod of approval. “Rosie and I stand ready if you need backup.”
* * *
To put it simply, looking at Miller was like looking at world-renowned art. You appreciated it, you wanted to see it from every angle, but it still intimidated with its secrets and untouchable presence.
He stood with his back to me in the small room that would become Rosie’s office. I’d previously thought the space was roomy and sufficient, but with Miller in the middle of it, the office seemed small, the walls too close. I was sure the second I stepped inside, there would be no air left to breathe.
Miller turned around as I soundlessly approached, a tiger who sensed his prey. He schooled his features to that look of moderate annoyance—but not before I caught his quick scan of my face, my shape…me.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, hearing the question echo in my head. How many times had I asked Ned that? How many times had I practically begged him to let me fix whatever was broken? It was a pattern that could be traced back way too far, and I resented hearing it from my lips right now. “Are the girls all right?”
