“Baseball then? I must be confused. But I did see your graduation. Points for that, right?”
“I got mono my last week of school. I didn’t go to my own graduation.”
“Hattie, I—”
“If we stayed in touch, I would try to fix you, change you. When we originally agreed to meet today, I had more job opportunities to share and an address for a low-income apartment complex in West Siloam.”
“Nothing wrong with that.”
“There’s a lifetime wrong with that, and I need to stop before I hurt myself with it anymore. I can’t get caught up in this again. I want something entirely different for myself.”
“Different.” Buck huffed his disdain and raised his volume over the traffic. “You can try to be different, and you can claim your stepdad all day long as your own. But it’s you and me who share blood. You look down your nose at me with your list of all the ways we’re not alike, but you know we are. I see it in you. You might not be touring on the rodeo circuit, but you can’t settle down any more than your old man.”
“That’s definitely not true.” I’d shared the timeline of my life with him, andthat’swhat he’d gotten out of it?
“You think you’re gonna go back to Sugar Creek and settle down?” he asked. “You honestly think a man like the one you had on your arm is going to marry you? And what, life’s going to be perfect and rosy and all your dreams will come true?”
Buck’s first question was barely audible over the roar of a Tyson chicken truck, but I think I still could’ve heard his words had I been standing on the other side of the highway.
Was I going to go back to Sugar Creek and settling down?
What was there? I had Hope Farms, though it wouldn’t be the same again. I had my clients. Ernie. I certainly had the entire Sutton clan, from sisters to cousins to our matriarch, who loved me as I was but wanted so much for me.
And maybe, possibly, I could still have Miller. Though that wouldn’t look like I wanted it to.
There on Highway 412, Exit 42, beneath a flashing neon sign that promised hot wings and hotter women, against the screaming shrieks of passing cars, I got quiet.
I silenced the noise. Turned off the competing voices in my head.
And heard the voice of truth speak into my soul.
I did want to return to Sugar Creek. It felt…right. And so did pursuing Miller. If he didn’t want to see me anymore, then I’d deal with that later. But right now, I just wanted to hop back in my SUV and return to the life I was supposed to live.
“One day you’ll learn the only one you can count on is yourself,” Buck warned. “Everyone else wants to use you and mold you into something you can’t be.”
“Is that what you thought your family was doing?” I asked. Buck didn’t respond, but instead stared at his bald tires that were begging to be put out of their misery. “I’m through being a doormat for people. I won’t be used and walked on. Not even by someone who shares my DNA. I love my family, and I love the life I’m building in Sugar Creek. And not that it’s any of your business, but if it’s not too late, I definitely hope Miller is a part of that.”
Buck gave a disdainful snort. “Good luck.”
“I don’t need luck. What I need is to give it my whole heart and a fair chance.”
“Your odds of failure are as good as mine.”
Buck knew he was speaking right to my insecurity and doubts. I wouldn’t play that game today. “I’m ready to take that risk. I won’t be that kid sitting on the porch watching the horizon for you anymore, Buck.” I patted his grease-stained shoulder one final time. “Goodbye. I do wish you well.”
“That’s it?” he hollered. “You find me, seek me out, just to walk away?”
“We both know you won’t miss me.” Somehow that thought and the instant confirmation on his face didn’t sadden me like I thought it would. “Best of luck to you. I hope you find what truly makes you happy.”
“You’ll see I’m right,” he yelled as I walked away. “Five years from now you’ll look back on this day and know your old dad was right.”
“I hope you get some therapy,Lance,” I said as I walked toward my SUV. “I’ll call you a wrecker.”
“Don’t bother!”
I would bother. Because that’s what decent people did.
But that would be it.
