That was when it hit me. Tonight hadn’t just been about exposing me. It was about control, and now they had it.
Another day had gone by and when I heard Pressure’s voice after he’d been gone all weekend, my heart damn near fell out my ass. I had been telling myself that when he came back, I was going to pull him to the side and tell him everything. I had gone over it in my head a hundred different ways, trying to figure out how to make it sound softer, and like it wasn’t this big explosive secret. The problem was there was no soft way to say it. Either I told him straight out, or it came from Chanel and Imani, and if it came from them, it would be twisted into something ugly.
Since the night they found out, they wouldn’t stop fucking with me, making little comments here and there. There was always looks across the room, and them walking past me slow and whispering things I couldn’t quite catch but knew were about me. And then they came to me with another offer, standing in my doorway like they owned the whole damn estate. Chanel had said if Pressure didn’t get rid of me during the next elimination, then I had to be the one to tell him the truth, but if he did send me home, my secret would stay with them forever.
A small part of me wanted to take that deal and let it be over. I could just pack my bags, leave and save myself from the embarrassment of it all. But there was another part of me that didn’t want to walk away. That part of me was loud and stubborn. It told me that I could still make Pressure see me, and maybe he would understand. Maybe he would still want me. I had built this whole picture in my mind of what it would be like if we were together, and I wasn’t ready to let that go.
I sat on the edge of my bed for a long time, just staring at the floor and listening to the sounds of the estate. His voice carried through the walls when he laughed, and I could hear movement downstairs, the shuffle of footsteps and murmur of conversation. My stomach was twisted into knots, but I told myself to get up and face it. I had been running from this moment since the day I met him, and now it was right here.
I slipped on something simple and made my way to the elevator. My palms were sweating, and I wiped them on my thighs while I waited for the doors to open. The ride down felt longer than usual, like the elevator knew I was in no hurry to face what was waiting at the bottom. When the doors slid open, the first thing I saw was him.
Pressure was standing near the center of the foyer, looking like the trip had done him good. His chains caught the light, his stance was relaxed, and even from across the room I could see that calm confidence he carried without trying. My chest tightened just seeing him, but before I could move toward him, I saw Chanel and Imani.
They were already at his side, leaning in close, smiling up at him like they had been waiting all day to see him. Chanel had her arm looped lightly through his while Imani stood just close enough that her shoulder brushed his when she shifted. They were laughing and talking, asking him about his trip.
He told them it was straight and asked how their weekend was. They didn’t miss a beat. They both said it was good, their voices overlapping, and then they turned to look at me. Their eyes didn’t leave mine as Chanel spoke again. “We learned a lot about some of the other girls,” she said, her tone light but her stare sharp enough to cut. Imani’s smile widened just a little as she nodded in agreement, still looking at me like she was reading my thoughts.
That knot in my stomach pulled tighter. I felt it all the way up into my chest, making it hard to breathe. I didn’t trust myself to walk right up to him while they were standing there. I didn’t want them or him to see me nervous or flustered. I forced a smile and stepped just close enough to speak without my voice shaking.
“Hey, Pressure,” I said, my tone as even as I could make it. He looked at me with a quick nod, but before he could say anything else, I acted like I had just remembered something.
“I forgot something upstairs,” I said, already stepping back toward the elevator. I could feel Chanel and Imani watching me as I moved away, their silence following me like a shadow.
The second the elevator doors closed, I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding. My hands were shaking, and I pressed them against the wall just to steady myself. When I got back to my room, I shut the door and locked it, leaning against it for a moment while I tried to get my thoughts in order.
I didn’t know what the hell to do anymore. The idea of walking away was starting to sound safer, but it also felt like giving up, and I wasn’t ready to let go of the life I had pictured for myself here. I wanted him to know me, the real me, but I wanted it to happen on my terms. Not with Chanel and Imani standing there, holding my secret like a weapon.
I sat on the bed and stared at the wall, my mind going over every possible way this could end. None of them felt good. I keptthinking about the way they had looked at me downstairs, about the way Chanel’s voice had sounded when she said they had learned a lot. They were warning me without saying the words.
I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, trying to block out the sounds of the mansion. Pressure was back, and I should have been excited to see him, but all I felt was panic. My chest felt tighter, my thoughts were running wild, and no matter how I tried to calm myself down, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the clock had just started ticking.
If I didn’t tell him soon, I knew they would. And once they did, there would be no chance to explain, and no chance to make him see me the way I wanted him to. I laid back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, and tried to figure out if I was strong enough to walk into his room tonight and just say it, or if I was going to keep running from it until it blew up in my face.
Either way, the weekend was over, and I could feel the walls starting to close in again.
The following morning…
I never went up to Pressure’s room to speak with him last night, but I stayed up all night thinking about the situation. We had thirty minutes until elimination, and I had already packed my bags just in case Pressure didn’t pick me. My suitcase was sitting by the door, a quiet reminder that this could be the last time I stood in this room. A part of me was hoping he would send me home so I wouldn’t have to live with this pressure hanging over me anymore, but the other part still clung to the fantasy I had been building since the first day I met him. That stubborn part wanted him to see me as more than my secret, to see the way I cared for him and the connection I swore we had.
I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at my bag, running my hand over my thigh just to give my nerves something to do. My chest felt heavy, like I was carrying two different hearts inside me—one that wanted to run and one that wanted to stay. I kept picturing what it would feel like if he called my name, if I walked toward him and he smiled at me the way he did when he was in a good mood. That image alone was enough to keep me from zipping up my suitcase and wheeling it out of here.
When it was time, I smoothed my clothes, checked my reflection one last time, and walked to the elevator. My stomach churned the whole way down. The doors opened and I saw him immediately. Pressure was standing in the foyer, leaning slightly to one side with a blunt between his fingers, the smoke curling up toward the chandelier. He had on silk that caught the light, and his chains rested heavy on his chest, swaying a little every time he moved. Even when he was still, he radiated authority.
Chanel and Imani were off to the side, their eyes already on me the second I stepped into view. I refused to look their way. I had given them enough satisfaction over the past few days and I wasn’t about to hand them anymore.
Pressure’s voice was deep and calm as he began. The first name he called was Kashmere. She stepped forward smiling, and he hugged her, kissing her forehead in a way that made her grin widen. Then he called Pluto, who walked up with her calm grace. He hugged her too, and there was warmth in his tone when he told her to take her spot. Then it was Toni Roc, who gave him a quick smirk before taking her place. Zaniyah was next, her confidence unshaken. Then Chanel’s name came, and she walked up like she was walking a runway. After her, he called Imani.
That left me and Renae Dior standing side by side. My pulse thumped in my ears as I stared at the floor, telling myself not to overthink.
“Renae Dior,” Pressure said.
She stepped forward, and he held her hand, kissing her forehead just like he had with the others. His voice was still calm when he told her he had to let her go. My shoulders dropped so fast it was like the weight I had been holding there had spilled to the floor. A rush of relief hit me first, but underneath it was shock. I had been bracing myself to be the one walking out, and now here I was still standing. I wasn’t sure if I should feel grateful or scared.
When he called my name, my feet carried me forward before my brain caught up. Tears blurred my vision, and when I reached him, I couldn’t stop myself. I wrapped my arms around him tight, holding him like I had been holding my breath all week. He smelled like smoke and something warm, and his hand slid across my back in slow circles. That touch, and moment made me feel like maybe I could trust him with the truth.
When I finally pulled away, the tears were still coming. He reached up and wiped them from my cheeks, his eyes fixed on mine as he asked if I was good. My throat tightened, but I nodded, then asked if we could go somewhere and talk. I told him it was important.
He didn’t ask questions. He just led me down the hall to a smaller room, closing the door behind us. We sat across from each other, and he leaned back, taking a slow drag from his blunt while I tried to steady my breathing. The smoke drifted between us, and I kept my eyes on him, searching for a sign that I could do this.
