She went quiet, her eyes ragin’ and broken at the same time, and I realized there wasn’t a flight or a stamp I could put on her passport that would fix what she was screamin’ about.
I loosened my grip a little and she didn’t run. She just stared at me like she wanted to hate me and couldn’t find the space for it. My heart pushed against my ribs hard enough to make me light-headed, and for a second, I had to close my eyes ‘cause I ain’t like how close I felt to spinnin’ out. I never wrestled with a woman like this. I never let no female put hands on me and stay in the room. I never let nobody see me dragged to the edge by my own emotions like this, and yet here I was, hoverin’ over Kashmere with the taste of anger and somethin’ softer mixin’ in my mouth until I couldn’t tell which flavor was which.
“Look at me,” I said, and she did, ‘cause she always did when I asked like that.
“You think I don’t feel this shit?” I asked, keepin’ my voice low so it didn’t carry outside the door. “You think I ain’t been fightin’ myself since the day you came in this bitch? You think I don’t know what it is when you touch me, when you lay next to me and go quiet, when you start talkin’ about nothin’ and I realize I ain’t been listenin’ to anybody but you for an hour? You not the only one who got skin in this.”
“Then why her,” she whispered, the question comin’ out small even though everything else had been big. “Why her with your mama?”
“Because I could,” I said, honestly ‘cause lyin’ to make it cute would only make the shit worse. “Because I’m buildin’ somethin’ here and I need to see shit from every angle. Because you make me feel shit and I ain’t tryna let how I feel about you steer the whole ship. Because if I’m wrong about you, it’ll gut me. The shit will hurt. Is that real enough for you?”
She flinched like the words landed heavy, and I felt the fight in her legs soften beneath my hips. Her chest was still heavin’ but the edge of the rage had dulled, leavin’ the hurt exposed like fresh skin. I felt my own temper drop with it. I felt the ache behind my eyes I never let nobody see, and before I could talk myself out of it, I dipped my head and kissed the tears runnin’ across her cheek. They hit my lips, and I chased the lines of it to the corner of her mouth like I could erase the tracks and start us over.
“You drive me crazy,” I murmured into her skin. “I swear to God, you do. You make me wanna throw shit and laugh at the same time. You make me wanna break every rule I wrote for myself. I’ll take you somewhere, a’ight. I’ll take yo’ crazy ass anywhere you say, and “I’ll sit there and let you cuss me out on a balcony in Virella or by a beach in Saint Morah, but you not runnin’ out that door just ‘cause you ain’t get yo’ way today. I ain’t lettin’ you do that to us.”
Her eyes slid closed as another wave of tears came, but this time her hands didn’t try to break free. I let go of her wrists and traced the lines down to her palms, and she curled her fingers into mine like she was scared to admit she needed me to hold her. I stayed where I was, my chest brushin’ hers, both of us breathin’ heavy while the silence finally took a seat with us instead of pushin’ at our backs. She swallowed and looked at me like she was tryin’ to find the version of me that belonged only to her and not to an estate full of women.
“I don’t want to compete anymore,” she said, her voice hoarse, and eyes red, but calm now. “I want to be yours. I want you to be mine. I don’t want to keep pretending like none of this hurts when it does. I’m not built for this fake shit.”
“I ain’t either,” I said, my fingers tightenin’ around hers because that was all I could do to keep from pullin’ her into me until we disappeared. “But I’m built for the long game, and the long game means I don’t let you blow your life up because you mad about a move you don’t understand yet. You hear me?”
She nodded once, slow, like she was tastin’ the words and decidin’ whether to hold on to ‘em. I shifted my weight, and she didn’t push me off, so I laid my forehead against hers and let my breath slow until it matched her rhythm. The room felt too small for everything in it—anger, want, pride, fear, and the stupid soft shit sittin’ under all of it that neither of us wanted to name, so I stood up cracked the window and let the night cool kiss the back of my neck. Then I got back in bed and got back on top of her.
“You broke my phone,” she muttered after a while.
“I’ll replace it with three,” I said, not movin’ ‘cause movin’ felt like steppin’ away from a cliff I wasn’t done lookin’ over. “But you slam another vase, I’m chargin’ you.”
She huffed, the closest thing to a laugh we could manage with our hearts raw and beatin’ hard, and I kissed the corner of hermouth that had tears on it because I needed the taste of peace to go with the salt.
I rolled to the side just enough to give her air, and she rolled with me, her thigh hookin’ over mine like it always did when the storm passed, and we hit that slack water where we could float and not sink.
“You taking me somewhere,” she asked softly.
“Yeah,” I said into her hair, my hands slidin’ slow down her back. “I’m takin’ you somewhere you can’t run if you get mad at me, and you gon’ sit next to me and tell me exactly what you need from me without throwin’ hands.”
She nodded against my neck and let out a long breath that shook its way out of her body, and I felt my own chest loosen like somebody had taken a belt off my ribs. I stared at the door and hated it for a second because it meant we was still in this house with too many eyes and too many opinions about what just went down, but then I looked back at her and decided none of that shit mattered right now.
We laid there quiet, not because there was nothin’ left to say, but ‘cause for once we had both said enough. And as the heat of the fight bled out and the room settled around us, I knew two things fasho—Kashmere could pull the worst and best out of me in the same breath.
I mean… GOT DAMN!
While I was supposed to be eliminatin’ another woman, I was too busy gassin’ up the jet to take Kashmere somewhere special. I knew I was breakin’ the rules with the whole time frame of their stay, so I decided to only make this trip a weekend thing. Still, it wasn’t lost on me that I was lettin’ her throw my whole scheduleoff. I had women in the house waitin’ for my decision, and I was out here packin’ bags for a trip to Virella Azul like the shit didn’t matter. The place had water so clear it looked like somebody poured diamonds into the ocean, white-gold sand that didn’t stick to your skin, and villas so private you could walk outside butt-naked and the only thing that you’d see you was the sun. It was one of them spots where billionaires went to hide, and right now, that’s exactly where I wanted to be.
Renza and Kay’Lo was in my room while I was throwin’ clothes into a Louis duffel, sittin’ across from each other like they was conductin’ an intervention. Kay’Lo was lounged out in one of my chairs, and Renza was scrollin’ on his phone with that smirk that meant he was ready to roast somebody.
“Man, you might as well just go ahead and wife Kashmere right now,” Renza said, grinnin’. “Yo’ ass is whipped like cream in a holiday commercial.”
Kay’Lo looked up from his phone, laughin’. “More like Cool Whip on a hot pie, bruh—you just meltin’. That fight y’all had? From what you told us, it sound like you was in here actin’ like The Rock in a tag team match, and now you over here packin’ beach shorts and linen shirts for her? Yeah, okay.”
I zipped the duffel up hard just so they’d hear it. “I ain’t whipped. Stop talkin’ stupid.”
“Whipped,” Renza repeated slow, like he was teachin’ me a new language. “And it’s all in ya face too. You over here tryna keep your voice all cool and shit, like you ain’t itchin’ to get back to her before she change her mind about this trip.”
Kay’Lo shook his head. “Boy, I’m tellin’ you right now—Pressure done met his match. He been out here terrorizin’ women for years, now he done found one who’ll throw hands with him and still crawl in his bed after.”
I smirked but kept my head down, actin’ like I was focused on my watch instead of lettin’ them see me bite back a grin.They wasn’t wrong. That fight between me, and Kashmere was ugly, but so was the way I wanted her right after. We went from cussin’ each other out to layin’ in bed with each other like the whole damn estate didn’t exist, and yeah, I could play it off, but my cousins wasn’t stupid.
I ignored the way my mouth wanted to curl into a smile and kept foldin’ shirts instead. “I told you what happened ‘cause it was wild, not ‘cause I’m in love.”
