"Huh?"
He stepped around me to look me in the eye. “It isn't and wasn't hate. Look, he's a hard ass, he's stubborn, and he's got a temper, and I know he can hold a grudge with the best of them, but he doesn't hate easily. Trust me, the only people I've seen him hate are the worst of the worst. And considering you're not an abuser, rapist, or murderer, I'm going to guess he's never hated you."
"O...kay," I said slowly, taken aback by the sudden seriousness on his face. Kayden could certainly be serious from what I'd seen, but that was more intense than any other time.
"And I..." He looked away, chewing on his bottom lip silently. "I don't know how to say this, but I'm going to try. If it doesn't come out right, then so be it."
"Sure," I said, wondering how many serious conversations I was going to get pulled into today. If anyone else approached me and tried to start something serious, I was going to send them away.
"It's my belief, and for several damn reasons, he's never hated you. Despised you, sure, but that's only because you affect him."
"Negatively."
"Right, but it's enough to make him hold a grudge without you having done anything awful, and without the hate. Which means there's...something going on, and has been going on between you."
My heart gave a heavy lurch and pumped harder, and I tried not to show my worry that he was catching on to what had been going on. "Weird way of putting it."
"I don't know what it is, or what it means, if it means anything at all. The real point I'm trying to make is that it's obvious you two are capable of affecting one another and doing it really well at that. Now it looks like he might be joining your family in one way or another, which is going to mean he's gotta loosen up and let people in. Which also means you. So I see those two things existing at the same time, and I get...worried."
"He's a full-grown man, Kayden."
"I know that," he snapped, whipping his head around to glare at me. "But everyone needs someone willing to look out for them, and I don't just mean on the job. You've got your whole family, and all he's got right now is me. He doesn't like feeling like someone is taking care of him, he's convinced he can do a good enough job on his own. He can, but that doesn't mean he should, and I do my best. But if things keep going like they are for him and your family, there's going to come a point when he needs more than just me."
I leaned back because of his intensity and also the implication of what he was saying. What he knew he was speaking of, and what he was ignorant about. "What? Are you asking if I'm going to hold his hand and make him feel better if he gets his feelings hurt?"
"I'm not going to ask or expect you to act like a normal human being capable of showing their feelings with anyone other than your family," he said.
"Ow," I responded, meaning it. There was a lot of truth to the statement, but that made the sting even worse. However, the worst sting came from the fact that I knew it came from an honest place, and he was only saying it because he cared about Jace. Nothing hurt quite like the truthful barb of an honest, earnest person.
"Only you can fix other people seeing you that way, but you seem pretty happy to revel in that reputation when it isn't being thrown back in your face," Kayden said with a raised brow. "But what I'm actually asking of you is that if that time ever comes for him with someone else in your family, you don't ruin it. I don't care how much you two don't know how to behave."
Damn, it was like getting dressed down by my mom after a particularly stupid decision on my part. "Alright...I mean, fuck you for thinking so low of me that you think I would even think of doing something like that, but alright, I hear you."
"My worry isn't that you mean to do something like that, but your nature and whatever issues you two have would just make it happen."
"Again, ow. Again, fuck you."
"Am I wrong?"
"I think you've done enough ripping into me without helping you do more, thanks."
He smiled a little. “You really are hurt by what I said, aren't you?"
I rolled my eyes. “Don't get too far ahead of yourself, I'm just acknowledging that it's a slightly dickish thing to say is all."
"Uh-huh," he said with a smirk. "Moira's right...actually?—"
"Do I want to know what stupid thought just flashed through your head?" I asked, raising a brow and knowing I definitely didn't want to hear what it was.
He chuckled. “It's just funny, you and Jace are alike in that, you both act like you don't care. He does it by hiding behindbeing a hardass and a grump, and you do it by playing up the party boy who doesn't have a care in the world. It's kind of obvious once you see it."
"Should I congratulate you, or do you think you can handle jerking yourself off on your own?"
"Nah, I'll ask your sister to help if I need that."
"Wow, you went from being uncomfortable with me making comments about that to making jokes of your own in record time."
"I get over things quick."
