‘It’s just incredible … amazing.’ I shake my head. ‘Being honest, I’m having a hard time accepting it’s true, Dev. I keep thinking they’re going to come back and apologize that they got it wrong.’
‘No one can take this away from us, Merri.’
I force a smile, nodding as if he’s right. As if it really is that simple. But my stomach still tightens at the thought of the press coverage, the articles, the pictures – my face suddenly out there. It’s been years, but cameras have a way of pulling ghosts out of the dark, of sending fresh echoes where they don’t belong.
But there’s nothing I can do without explaining to Dev why I’m so concerned. So I smile wider. Play along. Pretend my nerves are nothing more than disbelief at our luck.
He tilts his head and studies my expression. ‘You have to enjoy it, Merri … every moment of it. This way of thinking you’ve always had, always imagining what could go wrong. Now’s the time to knock that on the head because things are finally going right for us. Things are going to be perfect.’
‘You’re right …’ My voice trails off as I glance out of the window, the last rays of sunlight disappearing behind the houses across the road. ‘It’s just a lot to take in, isn’t it? This sort of thing doesn’t happen to people like us. Are we sure we want to move? Just think of all the logistics of moving so far away, and there’s work too. And leaving the people we know here.’
He leans back, draping a casual arm over my shoulder. ‘Think about the alternative view – no more landlord breathing down our necks. No more leaking ceilings or catching two bloody buses to work.’ He hesitates, a twinkle in his eye. ‘We could quit our jobs tomorrow, if we want to. We could live in a home most people can only dream of. Why would we give that up?’
‘Yes, but surely we wouldn’t want to do that right away?’ My eyes snap to his, my heart skipping a beat in alarm.
‘We’ll be moving to the other side of the country soon and there’s the cash prize too, don’t forget. A buffer. It will probably all happen very fast, Merri. We might as well keep it simple and start afresh now. I hate that job, you know that. And neither of us is overrun with friends here, right?’
I turn away my face, feeling his hand slip off my shoulder. I can hardly say how much I’ll miss Paige, my only friend. Dev seems to make casual friends everywhere. I don’t.
I look around. Our tiny living room suddenly feels even smaller.
Dev shifts in his seat, his voice quieter now. ‘You’ve been acting weird since the photo shoot. I can hardly believe I’m saying this, but are you seriously having second thoughts about moving into the house?’
‘No. It’s just … This whole thing feels a bit like a runaway train. A good one, I know, but we’ve not had time to reflect on our choices. To talk things through.’
His shoulders relax. ‘It’s a bit unnerving, isn’t it? Everything’s changing so fast. Listen, forget about work for now. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.’
I reach for his hand and squeeze it. ‘We have more than one option, right? We don’t have to move there immediately, and let’s not forget, we could even sell the house. What if we regret acting in haste?’
His forehead creases in confusion. ‘But this is what we’ve wanted for years: a whole new start. Not just with the amazing home we’ll get to live in, but themoney. All that tax-free money.’
I sniff. ‘The money won’t last long if we’re not working. We can’t just not turn up. We’ll have to give notice.’
Dev laughs. ‘Why? What are they going to do? Fire us?’
‘Not funny. I don’t want to leave my colleagues in the lurch.’
‘It was just a joke, Merri. Look, I’m not suggesting never working again, but maybe taking some time out to think about what we’d really like to do instead of slaving away in some dead-end job. It’s a quarter of a million quid, after all.’ Dev frowns, confusion clouding his pleasant expression. ‘This isn’t a scam. DreamKey are a well-known company. It’s all above board. We won the prize draw fair and square.’
‘I know.’ I sigh, relenting a little. ‘It’s just when something this amazing happens, it always makes me wonder if it comes before a fall.’ I shift on the couch, tucking my legs underneath me, my fingers tracing the edge of the cushion. Dev watches me, his brows beetling. He’s trying to understand. But how can I explain a fear that has no shape, and no words to define it? Just shadows from the past that still cling to me, refusing to let go.
Dev places the champagne bottle on the coffee-table and leans forward. ‘What could go wrong? It’s a beautiful house. And now it’s ours. End of.’
We kiss, and Dev’s fingers trace a gentle line from my cheek to my lips.
‘This is a good thing, Merri … and we deserve it. OK?’
I nod. ‘OK.’
I know the right thing to do is to give myself permission to celebrate and enjoy our good fortune. Like Dev says, it’s true we deserve it.
And I’m not a bad person. Not any more.
7
The next hurdle is work. Dev looks at me over his wine glass. ‘You’re going to resign from the health centre, right?’ He’s already told his boss he’s not going back.
I pause. ‘Yeah. Obviously. I just … I think I should work my notice.’
