‘Money’s a bit tight this month. We’d agreed to just give cards.’ I sigh. ‘But Dev bought a ticket for the latest DreamKey house draw. Twenty quid, Paige. Can you believe it?’
Her eyebrows rise. ‘For one ticket? I wouldn’t fancy those odds.’
‘Exactly. He might as well have just tossed the cash out of the window.’ I fold my arms, my chest tightening.
I’ve only known Paige for a couple of years, but it feels longer. After we moved house, I left behind the friends I’d made at my old job, the ones I could grab a drink with after work or call when I needed to vent. I’ve always liked a fresh start. But here, in a new area and new job, I had no one at first – until I met Paige.
She makes the long days at this job bearable, her sharp humour cutting through the tension and making me laugh. Back when I started, her easy warmth made me feel I belonged. I trust her and, right now, I need someone to talk to.
‘I know twenty quid’s not a fortune in the great scheme of things, but we’re scraping by as it is and … Well, I think I went on a bit about it and managed to upset him.’
‘I reckon he’s lucky you didn’t kick his arse.’
I laugh, already feeling validated. ‘I felt like it, I can tell you.’
A small frown wrinkles her forehead. She takes a sip of her coffee before setting the mug down. ‘Men,’ she mutters disparagingly. ‘My brothers get away with everything at home. My dad can’t go a day without asking if I’ve made the “right choice” in going for the nursing degree. And Mum –’ Shebreaks off, her expression darkening. ‘Mum expects me to wait on them all hand and foot, like she chooses to do.’
‘I trust you’ve set her straight?’
‘I have, but I need my own place, Merri. I’m desperate. But between nursing-college fees and paying board, I can’t save anything. Not with this crappy part-time job. I’m just … stuck.’
I understand her frustration. From the cramped gloom of the staff room, I look out of the window at the bright blue sky. We’re in the same boat in a lot of ways. Both broke financially, both feeling suffocated by life.
Paige gives me a small smile. ‘At least we have each other to moan to.’
The door opens, and the senior nurse, Karen, sticks her head in. ‘Ladies, break’s over I’m afraid. You’ve both got patients waiting.’
Paige gives her a tight nod, and we make a move, our unfinished coffees abandoned. The hallway smells faintly of antiseptic as we head back to our respective rooms.
I glance at my watch, heart sinking. Only another five hours to go.
It’s almost three by the time my next break comes around, the steady rhythm of patients a background hum. I head for the staff room, glad to find it empty, and pull my phone out of my locker. I have two missed-call notifications from an hour ago.
A prickle of discomfort starts in my chest. I can’t keep ignoring these debt calls, but I haven’t got the money to pay them yet. I just don’t know what we’re going to do.
3
Dev has parked on the far side, away from the building, next to the road. He doesn’t usually use the car for work, but he sometimes has to help out at other warehouses, and today he’s been on a training course. I think he’s also trying to make amends because of our recent tensions.
The large car park is fairly empty now the health centre is closed, but the building also houses a pharmacy, a play centre and various other community services, so there are still people around.
I’ve got a bit of a headache but, thankfully, I feel much better than I did last week. I’m relieved to be heading home.
Dev still hasn’t seen me, his fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel in time to whatever music he’s playing.
I walk towards the car as a red double-decker pulls in to a bus stop. The profile of a young girl sitting on the top deck staring straight ahead makes me catch my breath. I stop walking. She turns and looks my way and I see that, of course, it’s not her. It’s never her. But that doesn’t stop the hope rising like a bullet in my chest, then dissolving, leaving me feeling hollow.
I head for the car, pushing down the feelings. No matter how deep I bury them, the memories of Beth are only ever a heartbeat away.
When Dev catches sight of me, his face lights up with a smile and I feel a rush of affection. ‘Long day?’ he asks,as I slide into the passenger seat, dropping my bag into the footwell.
‘You could say that. Why? Do I look that bad?’
‘Course not!’ He leans across and kisses my cheek. ‘You always look fresh as a daisy to me.’
He shifts the car into gear and eases it out of the car park. The low hum of the engine is the only sound between us for a moment or two. I glance sideways at him and get the impression he’s had a tough day, too. Dev is one of three operations managers at a large distribution warehouse located about a mile from the health centre. ‘Basically I’m a troubleshooter for any operational problems, of which there are many,’ he’d told me proudly, when he got the promotion.
Now, he says he has nothing but problems. Every single day, all day long. I get the impression it’s a thankless job. At least most of my patients express some gratitude to me.
