“Alex, you’ve been dismal since you arrived. I know something happened with you and Fin. Please tell me. Just saying it out loud will relieve you of the burden you carry.”
Alex sighed and leaned back in the chair. She yawned and stretched her arms, giving herself time to put on her game face. Her mom was right. She needed to talk about it. Otherwise, the stress was like a festering sore.
“I didn’t handle the publicity well. I told you guys about the mob of reporters showing up at my work?” At her mother’s nod, Alex continued, “Afterward, I kept thinking about all the ways Fin’s fame has interfered with my life. It’s like… out of nowhere, everything pivoted on a dime. There I was, heading down the path I meticulously planned, checking off my goals one by one, and just when everything was smoothly sliding into place, a sharp left turn appeared without warning and everything derailed. Because of Fin.”
“You’re still proceeding with the big department, right?” her mom asked sharply.
“Yeah, it’s still on track.”
“So what derailed exactly?”
Silent tears ran down her cheeks, and she got up to grab the tissue box. She dabbed at her eyes and considered the question.
“I’ve been completely stressed out. Like this constant pressure sitting on my chest. Normally, I would relish the challenge and not stress about it at all, but the last few months, I’ve had trouble concentrating and been completely off my game.” Alex listed examples where she’d been late or unprepared for meetings and where she’d rearranged or put off work to spend time with him. She told her mom how off-kilter and out of her element she’d felt every time her personal life had barged into her work space. “I think the most humiliating thing about it all is how hard I’ve worked over the years to gain the respect of my colleagues, and now they all see me as some kind of sex object hanging on the arm of a celebrity.”
“Oh, honey, do they really see you that way? Or are you being overly sensitive? You do good work. You’ve told us before that your bosses are happy with you and keep expanding your responsibilities. Has that really changed just because they know more about your love life than they did before?”
Alex lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug and blew her nose again as her mom continued.
“Here’s something I don’t understand… you’ve dated in the past and didn’t have issues with your career, right? So it’s just the fame thing?” her mother asked.
“No, it’s him too. The other men I’ve dated were… convenient. They didn’t interfere with my work, and if a conflict arose, work came first. Every time. I… um, I never cared enough about them to rearrange work. Those relationships were shallow and meaningless and Fin’s not.”
And then the water works began. Alex covered her face and sobbed into her hands. Her mother got up and sat beside her, wrapping her up in a warm hug.
“I miss him so much, Mom. I’ve never cared about anyone like this before, and I think I made a giant mistake. I think I approached my love life with a risk management attitude and spent a lot of effort mitigating risks and avoiding complications. I’m pretty sure that makes me a shallow bitch.”
“Shh, it’s okay.”
Her mom was practically rocking her like a baby. She felt like one. She’d been so miserable since she’d left Houston. Alex had never understood what musicians meant when they sang about heartache, but this week that feeling had become crystal clear. Her chest ached and the constant lump in her throat made her miserable.
“Have you talked to him since you left?” her mom asked.
“N-no. The cell phone coverage here is crap. And—if I’m being honest—I’m too ashamed of how I ditched and ran.”
“Cell phone coverage is no excuse. We still have a landline here and you’re welcome to use it. You should call him.”
“You think so?” Alex sniffed and sat up to grab another tissue.
“Yes. He told you he cared about you. Right now, he’s probably just as confused about what happened as you are. You need to talk to him and tell him what you just told me.”
Alex stared at her mom.
“What?” Debra asked.
“You sound so wise.”
“Yes, well, I wouldn’t go that far. I just know any time your father and I got angry with each other, we’d talk it out. More often than not, we’d realize one of us had misunderstood the other, and our entire argument was over something silly.” Debra stood up and smoothed non-existent wrinkles out of her jeans. “I’m going down to the barn to collect some eggs for breakfast while you call your man.”
Alex blew her nose and sat up straight, pulling her shoulders back as her mom walked away. She shook her head and assumed her “go get ‘em, tiger” pose, the one she often used to buck up her confidence before entering any difficult meetings.
She checked her phone, and seeing she had three bars of coverage, dialed Fin. With each ring, her spirits sank. Knowing Fin usually answered within two rings, she disconnected after the fifth ring before his voicemail answered.He doesn’t want to talk to me. I’ve really messed up, she thought.
Alex droppedher laptop bag on the couch and went straight to her bedroom to change from her work clothes into something more comfortable. The week following Christmas was often as slow as the holiday week, but she used the time to catch up and organize.
Last week’s news story of Finley McAlister’s love interest had disappeared, and she had seen no reporters since she’d gotten back over the weekend. The quietness of it all reaffirmed her suspicion that she may have overreacted.
She changed into her usual jeans and t-shirt outfit, dug her tennis racket out of the back of her closet, and headed next door for her weekly dinner with the guys. Though the distance to Eddie’s was less than ten yards, the weight of her fatigue dragged at her like she was walking up a large hill.
