This seems to settle him some as a ragged exhale leaves his lips.
Teasing my fingers through his beard, I pull him closer. I don’t take it to heart when he moves to pull away a little. This is hard for him.
“You deserve to find a man so inherently good, a man who could brighten your days with happiness and light. Instead, you’ve found me, a villain overflowing with darkness, pain, and sorrow.” He looks momentarily shocked at his heartfelt candidness.
I don’t need him to put sound to the thought that he could lose control with me; the unspoken truth settles in the darkest depths of his gaze before it dips down to his feet.
Palming his cheek, I coax him to lift his face to meet mine, as though the eye contact will convey the true emotions behind my words.
“I see the light in you, Ezra Wolfe; you burn brighter than the sun without even realising it. Your ability to embrace the darkness is what I love most about you.” I chuckle uneasily, hoping he missed my use of the dreaded L-word, before hurrying to continue, “Your tortured parts recognise mine; I’ve never truly felt like I belonged anywhere, until you found me. Existing here with you is my comfort. I’m both curious and uneasy at what that might mean. For the first time in a long time, I’ve found someone who feels like home. Please don’t leave me.”
His jaw clenches, his lips pressed together as if his response is fighting to escape him, but he won’t let it.
“Always holding something back,” I comment softly. Reaching up, I run my thumb over the deep furrow knottedbetween his brows, the tension in his shoulders melting away when I press my chest against his, sharing air. “You want to leave me?” I ask—a cheap shot, I know—but the thought of lying here without him calls for desperate measures that I’m not entirely proud of.
“Never, sweetheart. I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me.” It isn’t a lie, but it isn’t the entire truth either—he’s still holding something back. Kissing the top of my head, I swallow back a harsh inhale as my lungs swell painfully, burying my suspicions of what might be keeping his guard up and not pressing him any further. I don’t have to tug him now, he lowers down onto my bed, reaching over to switch off the lamp and wordlessly pulling me to rest against his body. His internal battle—set aside for another day.
I want to remember every second of this, the feel of his heart beating against my cheek, the scruff of his beard against my forehead, his rough calloused hands holding me tight against his body. Overwhelmed with emotion, I silently sob at the enormity of our exchange, desperate to keep quiet so I don’t spoil the moment.
The tsunami of feelings whirling inside me makes me weak, my heart flayed open by the beast of a man beneath me. I can see this act of simply being with a person isn’t Ezra’s forte as he shifts beneath me, likely ready to escape once my eyes are closed. So I decide to open up to him, hopinghe’lldecide to stay.
“Since I was given to Doc, I’ve not known anything else. Broken, tormented, less than—that’s all I’ve ever been. I was a woman meant to serve. Soon enough, I accepted my place.” My truth hurts, gutting me anew as though I’m only now realising the life I left behind. “Until I met you, I agreed with them. I was beneath them, tallying my worth by how serviceable my body could be for a price. But you’ve shown me something…more.” Ikeep talking, filling the silence. Wondering what the expression is on his face, but I’m too scared to look up to check.
Part of me hopes he’s listening, taking in every word. The other fears what he might say if I stop.
“I know in the way you look at me, the way you watch me, the way you study me. You punish yourself for the past, but, Ezra, I don’t see any of that. I see this you—right here. The man who captures my heart, worships my body, and protects my soul. I’m yours, and I’ve been yours from the moment I first saw you.” I chew on my lip nervously, not willing to carve into any more repressed memories as I already feel too raw.
Stroking my hair away from my temple, I feel the stuttered thump of his heart under my cheek. The harsh inhale he fills his lungs with is a stall tactic as he ponders what he wants to say.
I won’t rush him.
“I don’t know how to be what you need, but I want to. For what I did to my father, I deserve to rot here, to lose my mind with all the others as freedom ebbs further away. My darkness infects and ruins people who get close to me. I don’t want to hurt you. I hid behind my father’s money, enacting my own brand of vengeance where I saw fit. I murdered bad people in cold blood because it brought me joy, and I’ll never apologise for that. They deserved to die, painfully, every single last one of them, and I’d do it all again given the chance.”
I shudder at his candour, his honesty endearing. He releases me, giving me the out to run should I want to take it; instead, I pull his arm back around me and snuggle down deeper against his chest. “I was quite enjoying the head stroking, have at it, sir,” I sass, knowing it will lighten his sullen mood after sharing his truth with me. His stiff posture loosening as he softens beneath me. Giving me what I want when he resumes stroking my head.
“I don’t want to hurt you; I couldn’t live with myself if anything ever happened to you, Cara,” he whispers into my hair, a knot of emotion lodged in his throat.
“A wise man once said‘There is beauty in your flaws, in the scars that tell your story.’”
“If that wise man has ever been inside of you, I might just be compelled to break out of here and start severing body parts.”
“You have plenty of wisdom to keep me occupied, and I can promise you, he’s just a friend, one you would really like I think; he too gets stabby on a whim—an act first, ask questions later sort of guy.”
“Has he ever hurt you?” He stiffens.
“No, he did protect me though.”
“I like him already, protectively stabby and fiercely loyal—great attributes to have when in the presence of a beautiful woman.”
“A girl could get used to her big bad wolf spoiling her with all these platitudes.”
“No words necessary with what I have planned for you.” He rolls his hips, the hard ridge of his cock pressing against the material of his trousers as his body rocks against mine.“I’m not a good man, Red,” he exhales, as though he needs to remind me that behind the carefree back and forth between us lives the darkness of his true nature.
“I’ll remember this moment,” I say sternly.
“What’s the significance?” He chuckles, all the humour usually found in such a sound flat.
“It’s the first time you’ve ever lied to me. I see you, Ezra Wolfe, however much you try to hide yourself from me—I see you. We are all capable of bad things; that doesn’t make us bad people.” Refusing to be held in place anymore, I rise up on one elbow, gazing up at his handsome chiselled face cast in shadows. I push his hair back from his forehead and tuck it behind his ear,my fingers lingering a moment as I watch the pain he’s hidden away as it rises to the surface. There is too much feeling there—too much sadness for one person to hold onto. I can see that it’s hurting him, and yet it doesn’t stop him from shielding it from me, as though it would have the power to break me or send me away if I stared at it too intently.
