“Huh.”I sat back in my chair kinda confused.This wasn’t my first amends, but it was my first one that apparently wasn’t needed.Weird.
“So how’s your sobriety going?”
I groaned and dropped my head back.“I feel like I’m holding on with my fingernails.I swear I haven’t felt like myself in so long.”
Liam nodded.“I wasn’t going to say anything, but you kinda remind me of Fun Bobby from that old sitcom—Friends, I think?You know where the one guy is the life of the party, but then he gets sober and turns into a boring dude.What’s going on?”
“I don’t know.It’s hard to feel that light again.Like it would be a step closer to using or something.Even before the drugs, I drank a lot.Maybe that happy-go-lucky personality was because I was drunk all the time and this is the real me.”
“Fuck that.I—” Liam broke off again as the waiter magically appeared again with our starters.
“Scallops, sir.And a scotch egg for Mr.Hawker.Anything else I can get you two?”When we shook our heads, he bowed his.“Enjoy.”
Then I watched him walk away like a normal, mortal man.
I was definitely losing it.
We dug into our food.“I can’t believe you ordered scallops.Do you know how far away we are from a coast?”
“It’s Vegas.They fly this shit in on the daily.”Liam held up his fork full of wiggly, white scallop then popped it into his mouth.“Delicious.”
I just shook my head and dug into my runny egg encased in sausage.
“But seriously man, you need some relaxation.When’s the last time you got laid?”
I choked on my sausage.
Then I choked on that thought.
Coughing, I waved off our concerned waiter and took a gulp of bubbly, fizzy water.And then choked again.
“Shit, you all right?”Liam’s eyes were wide with concern.
Mine were watery with tears.“I’m good,” I replied weakly and then coughed some more.
“You don’t need the Heimlich like that blonde who choked on her dick on the tour bus, do you?”
I laughed.Fuck, that had been funny.“Thank god your brother knew the Heimlich.”
Liam and I had a few girls on the bus back in the day and he’d challenged them all to do the Blowjob Olympics—AKA deep throating a banana.One girl’s banana had broken off and lodged in her throat.I’d panicked and started screaming,‘she’s choking on her dick!’
“That banana flew across the bus.”Liam shook his head.“And the disappointment in my brother’s eyes…?Good times.”
I shook my head and took another bite.
“I take it that means it’s been a while for you?”Liam asked, looking down at his plate.
“You know I’ve only been clean a year, right?”
“Right.”
I tipped my head at him like that was all the answer he needed.
His eyes widened as the reality of my answer hit him.“So you haven’t since—”
“Calm your tits,” I cut him off.“My using had been tied to the lifestyle.Touring.Groupies.All that hedonism bullshit.I had to have a sober companion just to finish the tour—Ford.He’s a pretty cool guy.He helped me a ton with staying sober.But it’s hard now that I’m on my own.I don’t want to fall back into any old habits.So I’ve…abstained.”
“You know that’s not supposed to be for forever, right?You didn’t take a vow to god or something and forget to tell us?”
