“And you feel like you need a hit?”
I shrugged.“I’m feeling a whole lot of shit.Anxious.Stupid.Mostly worried I’m going to look like a fool to her and everyone on the web.Again.”
“Okay…let’s talk through the hit.You find a shady place to buy, and what happens next?”
“I feel relaxed.Euphoric.Got nothing worrying me anymore.”
“And then?”
“And then I chase that feeling for days.Weeks.I spiral.”I grimaced and rubbed my temples.“If I don’t overdose again, eventually I’ll act like a drugged-out weirdo.Someone notices, and it ends up onthe Babblerand then all over the media.I lose my band’s respect.I lose my fans’ respect.I lose your respect.”
I didn’t mention my family’s respect since I don’t think I’d ever earn that back.
“And you lose your sobriety.You’ve got over a year now, Noah.That’s not nothing.It’s a huge accomplishment.You’ve been through worse than this.You toured Europe and didn’t use.You moved to the fucking party capital of the U.S.and didn’t use.You started a Vegas residency and didn’t use.If you can get through all that in your first year, you can do any-fucking-thing.You’ve got this.”
I smiled slightly as a sense of accomplishment and peace swamped me.I don’t know why, but hearing what I already knew from someone I hugely respected—who’d been here before—made it seem doable.
I had this.
“And for the record, you wouldn’t lose my respect.”Mal sighed.“We all fall down and make mistakes, man.So if you do use, you can talk to me about it.We’ll get through it together.”
“Thanks, Mal.That means a lot.But I don’t think I’ll be making that call tonight.You’re right; I got this.”
“So tell me about this girl.Did you at least have some input in picking this one this time?”
I laughed and filled him in on the whole application vetting process.And before I knew it, we’d pulled up to a large apartment complex.“Hey, we’re here, so I should go.”
“You going to be all right?”
“Yeah, man.You’re right; I got this.”
“Good.I got no doubts.But the minute that date is over, get your ass to a meeting.”
“Will do.And thanks again.”
“Hey, it’s what I get paid the big bucks for.”
I shook my head.He wasn’t getting paid jack.“Talk to you later, Mal.”
“Have fun on your date.And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“Always.”I ended the call and climbed out the back of the car before the driver could come around and do his whole song and dance.
The nerves came back as the Vegas heat hit me in the face.But it wasn’t as bad as before.I could do this.I got this.
Ella bounced over with a grin.“Let’s get a few shots of you in front of the limo.”
“Won’t that mean leaking Kylie’s location?”I was just trying to get out of posing for pictures in front of all the looky-loos.We were already drawing a crowd as a few people came out of their apartments to gawk at the limo.And I hadn’t even picked up my date yet.Yay.
“Oooh.Good point.”Ella let her camera fall back to her side.“We’ll take pictures when we get to the Oasis instead.And more inside the restaurant.”
I was sure my smile looked more like a grimace, but I still nodded.I knew my marching orders.Actually… “What’s her apartment number again?”
Ella rolled her eyes and rattled it off.
“And which building is that?”I looked at all the identical looking gray-blue-white painted stucco boxes around us.
“This one.”Ella’s tone grew exasperated.“The one we’re parked in front of.”
