“Are you serious?”Mal gave an incredulous laugh.“Because you hid drugs in the gear she was responsible for and could’ve gotten her fired.Or arrested.You guys were in a foreign country for chrissake.”
“I…”
“What did you make amends to Harper for?”
“Having to find me when I’d ODed.Not accepting the help she’d offered…” Dropping my head, I whispered, “Hiding drugs in the instrument cases.”
“And you don’t think Alice deserves an amends for the same thing?”
It felt like he’d hit me over the head with a sledgehammer.I swore I saw spots for a second and I had that weird skin crawling sensation.
Son of a bitch.
Iwas the fuck up.Alice hadn’t done anything wrong.But I kept blaming her for shit.A lot of shit she didn’t have any control over.
I’d been blaming her for my own shit.Like she’d done something to me when she’d told Harper about my drug stash.
I hadn’t been wronged.
I’d been an ass.
“Fuck.”
“Exactly.”
We stood together in silence, him supporting me, and me coming to terms with what an asshole I’d been while chaos reigned around us.
A few minutes later, someone let in the media and all those with backstage passes, and things really got hectic.I did my part, gladhanding anyone who came across my path, trying to be the Noah everyone thought they knew.But the whole time, all I could think about was how easy it would be to escape for a minute.Find some roadie or fan who was holding and make it all go away.
“Noah!There you are, man.I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”Liam grinned at me as he clapped his free hand on my shoulder.In his other hand, he held a glass of what was no doubt alcohol-free sparkling cider.
“Hey Liam.How’s it going?”I gave him my fake-happy smile.
“Good man.Just been catching up with everyone.I hadn’t seen Grady in a hot minute.It was good to talk to him again.Still can’t believe he’s married with kids.When did we get old?”
I nodded.“Some days I feel truly ancient.But that’s the next step for you, right?Like all the guys, you got the girl.Next comes marriage and the baby carriage.”
“Holy shit, man.Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.”
This time I didn’t have to fake a laugh.It burbled out of me on its own.“Noted.”
“But seriously, No, how’s it going?You dealing with your shit like we talked about?”
That wiped the smile off my face.I nodded stoically.“I’m trying.Some days are better than others.”
“I get that.Probably more than most here.It does get better, but it never goes completely away.”He paused and gave me a chin nod.“I’m just a phone call away if you ever need an ear.Ever, brother.I’ll be there for you.I hope you know that.”
“I appreciate it, Lee.I—”
“Does everyone have a glass?”Chase shouted over the dull roar of the small crowd in the greenroom.
“What is with this shit anyhow?”Shawn Reyes, a pop-rock soloist who had his own Vegas residency at the Oz Resort down the street, yelled across the room.“I came to get fucked up.Not drink some toddler bubbles.”
“Fuck you, Reyes!”Chase hollered back.“Who invited you anyways?”
Shawn glared at Chase.They’d had some dust up in the tabloids years ago since they’d both dated the same it-actress…the same weekend.
“Uh, I think what Chase meant to say”—Xander jumped in, holding up a placating hand at Shawn—“is that during our residency here, all backstage areas are drug- and alcohol-free—that goes for anything that is recreationally legal.Yes, even in Nevada.So all toasts will be with alcohol-free cider or a mocktail of the band’s choosing.”
