“I don’t give a shit!I want the other ride cymbal.”I pushed up from my stool and stomped over to Alice.“This shit isn’t right.Fix it!”
“Whoa, Noah.”Xander lifted his hands in a placating gesture as he stepped between me and Alice.“That’s not how we talk to people, man.What’s going on with you?”
“What’s going on with me is that shit isn’t right.My toms aren’t at the right level, and that ride cymbal sounds like shit.I can’t do a fucking show with this bullshit.”I tossed my drumsticks across the stage and stomped away.
But of course, before I left, I heard Alice mutter something about it being “the same cymbal as yesterday.”
I swore to Christ everywhere I looked was a trigger.I might’ve had my one-year chip, but by no means did I have my shit together.That hunger was always there, bubbling beneath the surface.And on days like today when I was stressed the fuck out, it would be so easy to give in.Just a little hit of nirvana.
Escape.
Freedom.
But then I remember the looks on the guys’ faces when I woke up in that damn hospital.How long it’d taken me to beat back the dragon.How much work I’d done to get here.
So excuse me if I was wound a little tight.This shit was hard.
I was all geared up to stomp back and tell her exactly what was what when I caught my NA sponsor, Malcomb Holt, lead guitarist for Long Licks, standing backstage with his hands in his pockets and a disappointed expression on his face.
And I should know.I’d seen it so many times before.
Muffling my groan, I stomped over to him.“Mal, what are you doing here?”
“Well, I came to give my sponsee some moral support, but I’m thinking maybe about giving you a lobotomy instead.You think anyone backstage has an ice pick?Three taps and you’d be a different man.Definitely happier at least.”
“I don’t care what you say—I’m not wrong.”
Alice walked by, holding the cymbal I’d been bitching about, a blank expression on her face.
Mal’s eyes flicked between me and Alice, but he didn’t say anything as she passed.
Once she was clear, he had plenty to say.
“Am I sensing some sexual tension?Is that the problem here?”A huge grin spread over his face, and he raised his eyebrows.“Did she turn you down?”
“Fuck no!”I all but shouted.“The problem here is that she can’t do her fucking job.”
Alice appeared in the hallway holding a Paiste 22-inch ride cymbal still in the box.
“Looks like she’s more than capable to me.”
She stopped in front of me with that damn blank expression still on her face.“This is the only other ride cymbal in the building.Do you want me to take it out of the box, or do you want to admit you were wrong and that the one onstage is the correct cymbal?”
I ground my teeth.“I don’t believe you.You have to be hiding my cymbal somewhere.Or maybe you took it home.But that one I used out there isn’t right.”
“Security escorted me to my car last night.Feel free to ask them if I smuggled a cymbal home in my pants.This is the only other ride cymbal in the building.Which one would m’lord like to use tonight?”
I clenched my fists and yelled, “Why do you have to be so goddamn frustrating!”
“Wow.”She gave a disbelieving laugh then shook her head.“If you’re done with your temper tantrum, I’d appreciate an answer to my question.Which cymbal do you want?The new, fresh out of the box one, or the original one?”
I ground my teeth.She was so fucking frustrating.Gave me so much shit when I was the one in charge.And then she just batted her eyes like that made it all right.“Put the original one back on.I can’t break in a new cymbal on opening fucking night.”
“Righty-O.”Alice swung back to go back the way she’d came.
“And I’ll be having a little conversation with Harper about your attitude.You’re out of line.”
She fluttered her hand in the air as she walked away.After a beat, she turned back and talked while walking backward.“Feel free.Harper told me yesterday what a wonderful job I was doing.That’s a direct quote by the way.”
