She flicks her red hair and walks away.
I roll my eyes.
“God, now I need to go to church and have a priest bless my soul after being near that evil bitch,” Nova says with a shake of her head.
We walk through the parking lot, and I linger in the back with Ryder. He keeps his gaze forward and his emotional mask in place so I can’t read what he’s thinking. I sink my front teeth into my bottom lip and glance around to make sure no one is watching before I inch my hand toward his. Our fingers touch, and Ryder peeks at me, dark eyebrows bunched together. I thread my fingers through his and slow our steps even more.
“Are you okay?” I whisper. What Kaila said was inconsiderate and mean. Mental health isn’t a joke and should never be used as an insult. You don’t know what someone is going through or if that one little jab at them will be their final straw.
Ryder cocks his head as he considers me before murmuring, “I’m fine.”
My chest tightens. Fuck, that breaks my heart. I know that answer all too well because I find myself using it often.
I step closer to him and tighten my grip on his hand. He squeezes in return and holds as still as a statue as I mold the front of my body against his. I have to lean my head back to look into his eyes.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I say.
Ryder leans down until our eyes are at the same level and his mouth is so close to mine that I can feel his breath against my parted lips. “You surprised me, little sister.”
“How so?”
“We’re out in public. Our friends could turn around any second and find us like this. Strangers could walk by and recognize us.” His lips twist into a toe-curling smile. “And yet, you’ve kept your eyes on me, and your body language screams that you want me to kiss you right here for the world to see.”
My face flushes with heat.
Ryder leans to the side until his lips are beside my ear. “If you want that kiss, you know where to find me tonight.”
Disappointment fills my chest as Ryder steps back and untangles his hand from mine. He smirks and winks at me before he turns and walks away.
As I watch him leave, I realize two things.
One: He changed the topic, which leads me to believe that my stepbrother is struggling with an invisible monster in his head. He doesn’t care if he gets in a crash and dies. He doesn’t care that he’s still here, and knowing he’s been fighting this alone hurts me so much.
Two: I’m disappointed that he didn’t kiss me right here in public. He didn’t say“fuck the rules”and claim me for everyone to see. I had a lot to lose if he had done that, but it doesn’t stopthe hurt. I’m obsessed with Ryder, and any form of rejection from him is like a shot to the heart.
No. Make that a realization of three things, because I’m not just obsessed . . .
I love him. I’minlove with him.
“DADDY ISSUES” THE NEIGHBORHOOD
The lead singer’s voice fromSatan’s Priestcroons over my phone’s speaker, filling the candlelit bathroom with his serenading. It’s seven minutes of pure heaven, and it’s a great song to piggyback off of their last single “Little Sinner.”
I relax in a bubble bath after spending an ungodly amount of time taking pictures for social media. This soak is long overdue. I need to work out the kinks in my sore muscles, specifically my crotch, since it still aches after last night. It’s not as uncomfortable as it was this morning when I was walkingfunny, but it’s still tender. Soaking right now is already working its magic.
Warmth pools low in my belly at the thought of Ryder and everything we’ve done together. My chest tightens the longer I think about him. I’m in love with my stepbrother, and I think I have been for a long time now.
“If you want that kiss, you know where to find me tonight.”
My front teeth dig into my bottom lip. I grab my cell phone from the outer edge of the tub and check the time. It’s midnight, and everyone in the house retired to their bedrooms hours ago. The risk of anyone finding us together would be low, but never zero.
I shudder. I don’t want to run into my father. He’ll play Twenty Questions and sniff out every single lie until he puts it together that I’m sleeping with my brother.
My stomach knots, and I’m vaguely aware of the impending anxiety attack because I have no control over my life. I want to be with Ryder, not just in private, but out in the open for the world to see that he’s mine and I’m his.
And I can’t have that.
I suck in a ragged breath, trying to calm down. I sit up and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to shift my thoughts away from the path of doom that’ll only make this anxiety worse.
