I ignore her and storm down the stairs and out the back door. My breath comes out in sharp, quick pants as panic grips me in a chokehold.
These feelings . . .
I know what they are now.
13 years old
“HEAVYDIRTYSOUL” TWENTY ONE PILOTS
Voices in the school cafeteria blend together until they’re a buzzing sound. The occasional loud laugh or someone yelling something at their friends breaks through the noise, but it always returns to the same sound. Jaxon, Hawk, Aiden, and I sit at our usual spot. I observe the crowd while I chew on a slice of pizza.
It’s the same as it always is. Cliques sit together. Some classes gather at one table to keep them in the same spot, but mostly, kids mingle with their selected friend group.
My gaze slides to Madison for the tenth time since stepping foot in here. She’s hanging out at the popular table with her friends—the little shit, Mickey, included. Madison chats with her best friends Olivia and Nova, waving her hands in the air, then grinning and nodding as Nova says something. My stepsister throws her head back as she laughs at whatever Nova says.
Kaila, the mean girl of the group, frowns at Madison. She rolls her eyes and leans into Mickey to whisper something into his ear. He gently nods while staring at Madison.
Their group is made up of snakes who eat their own with a smile on their faces. They trick each other, claiming they would never hurt them. But the school talks. Whatever drama the popular kids have, the rest of the school hears about it. For example, Kaila likes Mickey, but he’s more interested in my little sister. Kaila hates that, so she’s been spreading lies about Madison. Stupid, petty, bullshit lies.
It must be nice to only care about yourself and what you want. It also must be nice to walk the halls without the fear of getting shoved into a locker or one of the large trash bins in the hallways.
Watching Madison thoroughly pisses me off. How can she care about no one but herself? Every time I look at her, I can’t stop seeing her piece-of-shit dad who enjoys making my life hell at home. I see the girl who continues to be friends with the bastards who make it their mission to bully my friends and me.
Madison claimed she would drop them for me two years ago. A year after that, she said she doesn’t like Mickey and hangs around him out of self-preservation. But I wonder if what she said was a lie—a way to get under my skin.
Job well done, if that’s the case. She got what she wanted, and despite all the dark thoughts about her, this sick part of me is drawn to her like a moth to a flame.
I want to hurt her. Break her. I long to see tears in her eyes, smearing over her face. These feelings aren’t normal feelings one should have for their sibling. This hate-crush on Madison is like a monster under my bed that’s slowly driving me mad. I’m at the point where I’m ready to stomp the monster in its fucking face.
I bite into my half-eaten pizza and chew while keeping my gaze on Madison. She’s dressed like the popular kids here at school, with her tight pink T-shirt and jean shorts. Her long brown hair is pulled into a high ponytail, and a few strands frame her oval face. She recently started wearing makeup, and even from across the room, her sparkly glitter eyeshadow stands out.
Madison laughs at whatever Olivia said, her hand covering her mouth to hide her smile. I hate how she covers it. There’s nothing embarrassing about her teeth or her smile in particular. I want to know who’s making her feel like she needs to hide parts of herself so that I can have a little chat with them.
Guilt stabs at me. She may not be my blood sibling, but we still grew up together, and this infatuation isn’t right.
Just cut them out, a tiny voice in the back of my head whispers.
I internally shake it away and glance at Jaxon, who’s sitting beside me. He scowls at whoever grabbed his attention, which is pretty unfortunate for them because Jaxon is full of anger just begging to be released. I don’t need to look to know who he’s glaring at. My best friend is in love with his sister, and he hasn’t admitted it out loud. I don’t know if he ever will, given how Jaxon keeps to himself and doesn’t overshare.
I shift my focus to Mickey. He glances across the room with a smirk that I’ve been dying to punch off his face. I follow the direction of his stare. Dahlia—Jaxon’s little sister—has her head down while she eats, completely clueless that she’s about to fall victim to whatever Mickey has planned for her.
Not good.
Mickey stands from his seat, lunch tray in hand. He crosses the room and passes behind Dahlia. My jaw clenches as Mickey smacks her upside the head, then walks away with a gloating smile directed toward his friends.
That stupid son of a bitch.
Jaxon’s chair groans against the tile floor as he rises from his seat.
“Looks like they have a new target,” I say. Guilt rises until it nearly chokes me. The girl doesn’t deserve any of this. No one deserves to be bullied, and unfortunately for Dahlia, she caught the attention of the biggest asshole in this school.
Aiden sighs, drops his fork onto his lunch tray, and leans back in his seat. “I feel awful for being relieved that someone else is taking our place.”
Jaxon ignores us and storms across the cafeteria. I call after him, already knowing what he’s about to do. Aiden and Hawk join in and call his name, and we watch in horror as our best friend beats the ever-loving fuck out of Mickey while in a blackout rage. There’s no pulling him out of it. When he snaps the way he does, everyone—including his closest friends—is fair game.
In the middle of the fight,Jaxon wrestles against the teachers as they drag him out of the cafeteria. He looks directly at Dahlia and smiles. It’s soulless and evil. Nothing I’ve ever seen him do. A chill runs down my spine as he continues to grin and stare at his little sister with depthless eyes.
“Cry, little sister!” he yells while digging his heels into the ground. “And I’ll kill them all for you!”
