Being away from Jaxon was torture as well, even though he visited me every day. Sometimes we didn’t talk. We just sat next to each other and played footsie under the table while I zoned out.
I left the hospital with pill bottles and instructions to call a psychiatrist as soon as possible. They put me on antipsychotics, antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and anxiety meds to help with the panic attacks. They started me on low dosages that make me lethargic all the time, and I feel like a zombie.
Jaxon takes me out for the evening, so we’re away from our parents and the place that now holds bad memories. We ride with his friends, and I mold myself to Jaxon’s back while we weave through lanes on the highway. In the blink of an eye,we’re at a park tucked into the mountains. During the day, it’s a place to have fun. By night, the outcasts and horny teenagers hang out.
Ryder and Jaxon start a fire in a metal barrel out in the soccer field. The warmth from the flames is a welcome relief, since it’s chilly outside. A couple of girls are hanging out with us, though I can’t recall their names.
I’m zoning in and out way too much and need something to stimulate me. I glance at the parking area clear across the field on the other side of the gazebo. Jaxon is crouched by his bike, fiddling with it. He’s been by my side since I’ve been out of the hospital and always checks on me to make sure I’m not hearing things. I know what happened traumatized him, because how can it not?
Guilt eats at me. Jaxon has always been there for me and protected me, but have I done the same for him? I can’t recall a time other than when we were in school.
I stand from my seat and wander to my brother. Ryder and the others are great company, but they aren’t Jaxon. I take every chance to be near Jaxon while he’s around.
He’s been hanging around the house less every day. I don’t know where he’s going or why he’s gone all day and late into late at night. A nagging worry builds inside me until it’s nothing but an ugly monster creeping up on me—much like the things I’ve been seeing.
I join Jaxon’s side as he messes with his motorcycle. Instead of looking at me, he turns his head this way and that. Immediately, I go down the mental path that tells me I’m invisible and no one cares about me.
“You’re overthinking, flower.”
I blink and the overpowering emotions pop like a balloon, leaving me lighter than before. I fold my arms under my breasts.
“It’s what I do,” I mumble, and smile to put him at ease.
He huffs a soft laugh. “I know.”
I playfully tap his leg with the tip of my boot. “I suck at this, but are you okay?”
He finally looks at me and frowns. “Am I okay?”
I drop my arms and crouch beside him. Our shoulders touch, and I shiver at the contact. “I’m really sorry for what happened and that you saw me at the worst moment of my life.”
“Dahlia.” He fully turns toward me, eyes hardened. I prepare myself for a tongue lashing, because it’s coming. “You couldn’t help what happened. It’s not your fault, and no, I’m not upset with you.”
I sigh and more of that weight rises from my shoulders. “I saw the terror on your face, Jax. You can’t tell me you’re okay.”
“You really want to know the truth?”
I nod.
He leans in like he’s about to kiss me. “Yeah, hearing your screams and seeing you cut yourself was fucking terrifying. But you’re here with me still, and as long as I can see you, I’m fine.”
“So you’re not going out anymore?” I shake my head and plop down on my bottom because crouching for too long causes my muscles to cramp.
Jaxon glances down at my spread thighs, his pupils blowing wider. A muscle jumps in his jaw, and he looks at my face again. “Not for a while, and neither are you.”
“What about the trip Mom planned?”
She had to push the date back because of my “little mishap,” so we’re leaving on the tenth. I randomly remember what Mickey said about his inability to wait until the tenth, then Mom talking about the Reckoning.
Jaxon shakes his head, his frown deepening. “You’re not going.”
“I don’t know if Mom will allow that.”
“Fuck what she does and doesn’t allow. You weren’t going to begin with.”
“Why? Are you going to kidnap me or something?” I say with a little laugh.
Jaxon’s full lips curl into an ornery smirk. “Yeah. Who’s saying that I won’t?”
