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Not right after I had a good cry.

Turning my face on Rune’s shoulder so my cheek rested on him, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I sniffled and rubbed the back of my hand under my nose, trying to clean myself up so I didn’t gross him out with snot. His hold on me tightened in comfort, and his large hand at the back of my head played with my hair down to the bottom as he pet me like a cat. It wasn’t something that upset me. I liked that he soothed me like this, petting my hair and sending his love through the gentle touch.

Goosebumps raised the hairs on my arms and hardened my nipples from the wonderful feeling of his fingers. I jumped when he moved but relaxed as he lowered me with him on the bed, laying flat on his back with me on his chest.

Settling back on him, I moved to where my ear pressed over his heart, hoping I could hear his heartbeat. Sadly, because of the thick armor, I couldn’t. Which confused me because I heard it earlier in the storm.

“Why won’t you connect the link?” Rune murmured, his fingers back to playing with my hair.

My eyes fluttered closed, and my heart picked up its pace as I tried to come up with a good reason that wasn’t the truth. But I was so tired and couldn’t think straight. My head was already spinning, and I tasted sleep on my tongue.

So I stayed quiet and prayed he’d let it go.

He sighed; his breath loud beneath my ear.

“What you’re going through isn’t something to hide or be ashamed of,” he said calmly. “I’ve been alive for a very long time. And I’ve seen a lot in that time. Came across many people who walked different paths in life. Read many things and watched films as they came out while I was in Plapidell, the hundreds and thousands of times searching for you.” He stroked the back of my shoulders and along the upper part of my back before he played with my hair again. A delicious shiver went up my spine, and I curled my fingers into his chest. “Going through trauma changes people. It doesn’t matter if they are human or not... and I’ve seen many immortals spiral into the endless darkness of their minds after they killed someone with their bare hands. I’ve witnessed many women attacked and violated by the hands of their husbands, friends... strangers.”

He paused, his fingers twirling a lock of my hair, and dropped it to play with other pieces.

My heart fluttered as I imagined all the women he’d seen pinned down by another man as he had his way with them. My stomach nosedived, twisting into knots while I held my breath. I was close to getting sick to my stomach.

Did Rune step in? Why didn’t he help the women?

His free hand brushed over my upturned cheek, his fingers lingering over my skin as he stroked. It sent tingles through the area down to my neck. My cheeks flushed with warmth, and another shiver went through my body.

“I helped them,elskan mín,” he said, hurt laced in his voice like he knew what was going through my head. “I’d never let a woman suffer. Especially at the hands of men. In Azola—where you and I lived—women were the elite and held higher than men. They were worshipped more and, in my opinion, better than any god. Men saw women as equal, if not higher than us.

“But there were always the few who didn’t believe that. Their minds became murky with power they didn’t earn fairly, and the sick fucks got off on hearing women scream. If I didn’t save the women who were overpowered and abused, then someone else would. But during sieges, raids, and wars, I always kept my senses open. Just to hear the first muffled scream from a woman. It’s part of our code as men. As much as the women are warriors and can handle themselves, we still protect them when some asshole gets drunk on tainted power.”

The image of a village busy with men fighting, some with swords and others with an ax and wooden shield, played in my head. Tops of huts and cottages were on fire, creating a smoky atmosphere as everyone fought or ran away from the danger. Screams filled the little village as those who couldn’t fight ran, leading their children away. What stuck out the most was a woman pinned on her stomach, her face dirty, and horror twisting her features as she screamed and fought against the man on her back. Her fingers clawed at the loose soil under her as she tried to crawl away.

Bile rose to my throat and stayed as I forced it back with a heavy swallow.

I felt the panic and terror of the woman in my mind. And underneath it, her seething with the promise she’d make him pay once he was done.

I wasn’t sure how I felt it and knew. But I did, and I was too tired and upset to pull it apart and find the answers with every small piece of the puzzle.

Instead, I kept my lips pressed together in a tight line, swallowing back the acid from my stomach.

Rune talked again, not noticing my struggle.

“Every single woman showed signs of trauma. They always had a specific darkness in their mind they retreated to. I knew it wasn’t the type of darkness many people deemed troubled or evil. Not the same type as the men who fell away from their code and oath to always protect women, to always fight by their sides. Their tainted darkness changed them for the worst. No... these women found solace in their darkness. They were safe.” His hand came to the back of my head while his other pinched my chin to gently turn my face up to look at him. His eyes held tenderness and a deep understanding. Tilting his head in a nod, he confirmed my suspicion.

“Years later, when I was with a small group about to sneak past the guarded gates, one woman who’d been violated was there with me. We waited for the city to sleep before we moved in to begin our attack. While we waited, I asked her how she could be around men anymore, especially with the darkness I sensed from her.

“I’ll never forget the look on her face as she glanced at me. Her eyes were guarded, but the rest of her showed no sign of her being on edge. Completely relaxed, her hand not on the grip of her sword like I’d seen the others do. Like she was in the comfort and safety of her home and not stuck with me, worried sick that I’d take advantage of her. Nor did she show an ounce of fear about us going into the den of angels to slaughter those who’d been going behind our backs on many things and were known for being violent with women.

“She said,‘You see it as darkness, but I see it as my light in the endless night. It never creeps up on me the way everything else does. If I’m surrounded by it, then no one can harm me the way the one who I thought I could trust did. For many seasons, I couldn’t be around a man without being on guard, planning every move should he attack. I was wary of men and had a deep-seated hatred for them until I was faced with the realization that my venomous feelings allowed them to have power over me. Even the asshole who reaped what he sowed in his unmarked grave. He still had power over me until I took it back.

“When I finally found myself again and said enough is enough, I was in the main gathering hall, surrounded by men and women, drinking and laughing. Some were kissing and petting each other in the dark corners so others couldn’t watch the show. When I looked around, something took over me. Like the sun finally rose after an endless dark night, showing me that the men who joked with me and drank and cheered with me weren’t the bad ones. They wouldn’t hurt me or take advantage. It was then I noticed their eyes kept coming back to me with concern and camaraderie. Everyone saw me struggling the whole time and was looking out for me while I pieced myself back together because they knew if they tried to help me, I would have gone further into the ‘darkness.’”

Rune’s eyes bore into mine, still holding the same tenderness and compassion. His fingers at the back of my head tangled in my hair, cradling me carefully like he was worried that with one wrong move, I’d break.

“What you’re feeling is normal.” Even though his voice was soft, it held a steel undertone, forcing the conviction of his words for me to believe. “Please,elskan mín, let me help you. Let me ease your burdens and shoulder the darkness you hide in. Seek your solace in me, and let me bear your pain. I’ll fight your demons away until you’re ready to face them and find you’re stronger than them.” He paused, swallowing hard, and his last three words were so soft I barely made them out. “You’ve always been.”

I’d always been strong...?

I didn’t feel it.