I blinked as I flicked my gaze away from him, swallowing to wet my dry mouth. I didn’t notice we were in the bathroom with the light on and water running for the shower until now. Until he pulled me from my freakout.
“Oh, beauty,” he murmured, stroking his thumbs on my cheekbone. Meeting his gaze again, I circled my fingers around his wrists while blinking away the tears in my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I made the mistake of not staying by your side no matter what. Because of that, I won’t leave you alone and will always have my eyes on you. I don’t want you to be afraid anymore. I want you to feel safe around me.” I caught his faint thought, “And you don’t.”
Not able to find my voice, I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. He embraced me back with a tight squeeze. I buried my face in his neck as I tried to calm myself and force back the tears. He smelled like sweat, dirt, blood, and wilderness. It helped me push everything down to never see the surface again as I breathed him in with another large inhale.
Through our link, his sadness became mine too. It was almost too much with my own added to it. But I wanted to makehimhappy. I didn’t like seeing his frowns and tears. Though I was thrilled that he showed me his soft, broken side with total trust, I wouldn’t hurt him.
I kissed his neck softly, and he shuddered, his arms around me tightening. I threaded my fingers in his hair as I loved on him, hoping he would be overwhelmed with this instead.
“I love you,” I whispered, peppering kisses beneath his jaw. “And I do feel safe around you.”
He leaned away from me, only to brush his lips against mine in a sweet kiss. His hand came to the back of my head, holding me in place as he kissed me a few more times before he made me look at him.
“You don’t, and that’s something I’ll be working toward changing.”
I leaned back more and shook my head with a frown, my heart breaking for him.
He thought I didn’t feel safe with him? I did though. He was the one I always thought about while separated from him because I knew he’d do anything for me. Clearly, he did time after time.
“I do though. But with the way things have been escalating one after another, the enemies always knowing where I am... I worry not only for me but for you and the others.” I cupped his cheek like he did to me and watched him study me with a frown. Doubt lingered in his mind that I tried swatting away. “I want you to train me to fight like you said you would. Like Hluti said you all would.”
If I learned to fight, even the basics, then I could help them. I wouldn’t have to be a sitting duck, making things difficult.
We stared at each other for a long time before he sighed and nodded.
“I did say that, and I will. We’ll start the training later today when the sun is up.” He got to his feet, fingering my torn and bloody clothes. His frown deepened, pain flaring in his blue eyes. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
* * *
I saton the queen-size bed in the guest bedroom, blank eyes on my reflection across from me in the mirror on the dresser.
My reflection matched how I felt on the inside.
Sad and broken.
I had shattered minutes before I died and didn’t come back right.
Rune was patient with me in the shower as I stood like a mannequin with the scalding water spraying on us. He washed me as I looked on blankly, unable to form any words. Even with the heat from the shower and his touches, the cold and numb spread, burrowing so deep that nothing helped chase it away.
It was like someone had flipped the switch to my senses and emotions.
It terrified me.
Because I didn’t want him to suffer with me, I blocked our link.
He didn’t deserve to suffer with me.
Rune helped me out of the shower, drying and dressing me with a hurt expression. He hadn’t said anything about the link, but the question was there, hanging around like a pink elephant in the room. Through the numbness that surfaced from the bond being blocked, I still winced from hurting him.
And now I sat here on the bed, staring at myself in the mirror as he dressed.
He really meant it when he said wouldn’t leave my side. Wouldn’t risk my life again. It gave me some peace with him being nearby because I didn’t think I could peel myself from my spot on the bed.
Swallowing against the dryness of my mouth and throat, I raised my hand, which was heavy like boulders, to trace my fingers over my cheek and under my eye where it was darker.
I startled, sucking in a breath as a crack of thunder vibrated the house. I didn’t look away from my reflection because I couldn’t. At the same moment as the thunder, my reflection was replaced for a split second with a flash of blond hair, bright-green eyes, blood streaked on my face, and black paint over my eyes.
The glass angel figurines on the dresser rattled as the thunder rumbled for a few more seconds, slowly dying out before it went silent.
