As I waited for the longest fifteen minutes of my life, I did my best to control my breathing and heart rate. I prayed for God to watch over me and my baby. To not take her away from me and keep her safe. I wasn’t sure I had ever prayed this hard before or had gotten to this point of begging for something fromHim.
“My sweet girl,” I whispered to my child, my voice cracking from the lump lodged in my throat. My eyes stayed on my stomach as I rubbed at my belly, willing her to move. “You hold on. Fight my sweet baby. Wake up and show me your fire again.”
My eyes snapped to the front door as I heard the familiar rumble of Drew’s pickup. Snatching my purse from the counter, I rushed out the door and locked it behind me. The red truck pulled into the driveway, and I didn’t wait for him to put it in park before I flung the passenger door open. I hoisted myself up in the seat and slammed the door shut.
“Let’s go,” I blurted as I buckled my seatbelt.
I could tell by one look at him that he’d been in a state of panic while coming home. His hazel eyes were on me as he gripped the steering wheel with one hand and shifted the gears with the other. His eyes didn’t miss anything as they flicked over my face, taking in the tear tracks on my cheeks and puffy, red eyes. Swallowing hard, he glanced at my stomach with fear flashing across his face.
“Has she moved since we last spoke?” he asked as he pulled out of the driveway and sped to the doctor’s office.
Shaking my head, I licked my dry lips and focused on my breathing. I’d lost count of how many times I reminded myself of this, but I knew it wasn’t good for the baby to get stressed. I took deep, calming breaths I learned in the classes I attended for expecting mothers. My hand stroked over my belly, and I hummed a tune I made up just for her.
But it didn’t help. Nothing helped and wouldn’t help until I felt a movement from my baby to show me she was okay.
And I feared I’d never feel her movement again.
My eyes snapped to Drew at the awful thought.
The awful worry aboutourbaby girl.
I couldn’t give up. I couldn’t think those thoughts.
God wouldn’t bless us with her, only to take her away. Because that’s what she was.
A blessing.
I knew it the moment I found out I was pregnant. There was a shift in me that instinctively knew. And if I were to say it out loud to anyone else, they’d call me crazy or blindly agree like those at church did.
The drive was silent except for a few prodding questions from Drew. Knowing he was as worried as I was, I tried to respond calmly and not sound completely shattered without a verified reason.
When I told him I was pregnant, his face instantly lit up, and tears shone in his eyes. We’d always wanted children, although I wanted to wait a bit longer. I had hoped to start my teaching career first, and for us to be more financially stable. But those plans changed once I saw the positive test.
I wasn’t upset, but more unsure about myself. Drew was my world, and I always thought I couldn’t love anything more than him.
I was wrong.
The love for our baby was so much more than any other love I had ever known.
She was a miracle.
My life, happiness, and purpose revolved around this tiny life, and the fear of something possibly wrong with her ripped me apart.
My eyes flicked back to Drew.
If it made me feel this way, then Drew must’ve felt as torn apart as I did.
After we got to the hospital and checked in with the receptionist, we were led toward my room in labor and delivery by a nurse already waiting for me. I was rushed into it with machines by the bed, which I was to lay back on. Dr. Williams was already waiting for me, and, thankfully, she was calm to keep me from going into a panic.
I had to be calm. I couldn’t freak myself out and think the worst.
I refused.
For the small second I had before I settled on to the bed, I glanced at my husband, taking the strength I needed from him. When our eyes met, he kissed the back of my hand before he wrapped his arms around me in a hug and kissed the crown of my head.
“It’ll be okay, honey,” he murmured reassuringly as he tucked me closer to his chest.
I clutched at him as I tried to believe him. Ineededto believe him.
