Licking my lips, I weakly said, “I didn’t want to think into it too much at the time. I thought because I was okay and just spooked that there wasn’t any reason to tell you.” And I didn’t know what or who he was until I went through the portal for the first time. So there was no way in hell I was going to unload on him like that at that time.
“Were you there when they broke into your home?” Harper asked, her head peeking around Hluti’s gigantic form to look at me.
I shot her a guilty look and nodded while I lowered my eyes. “Yeah. It was in the middle of the night, and I woke up to a weird noise.” I didn’t have to look up to know everyone went rigid or have supersonic hearing to catch a couple of deep curses. Rune’s heavy stare tingled the side of my face, demanding I look at him. It was hard not to do what he wanted, but somehow, I kept my gaze steady on my shadowed hands. “I didn’t see anyone when I checked and couldn’t find anything missing.”
“Isa,” Rune said, his voice holding a command. My cheeks heated and tingled with a blush from my shame. “Look at me.”
It took every ounce of my courage to look at him because I knew his face would show his disappointment. It was stupid of me to feel this way. And it could be because of everything we’d been through and him being weak right now that made me ashamed.
When I finally met his gaze, his eyes held frustration and he drew his lips into a thin line.
He was angry. I made him this way, and all I could feel was shame and wanting to apologize because it was my fault. None of this would’ve happened if I had told him about the break-in.
“Anything happens to you, you tell me. Understand?” Every word was forced, and I knew he was holding back. “You mean so much to me, and if anything happens to you again, I’ll do as I warned you. Everyonewilldie.”
I swallowed hard, my eyes widening. “No, you—”
He raised a large hand with his finger up in the nonverbal way to tell someone to shut up.
“I need to know everything.Every little thingthat happens to you. Do you understand?” I couldn’t stop myself from nodding. It was out of guilt and wanting to make the wrongs into a right. To not let anything else go wrong because of me. “Is there anything you need to tell me?”
I swallowed hard, my wide eyes glued on him while I tried to think of anything that I needed to tell him. But I was so scared and hurt that I couldn’t think.
It’s all my fault,I chanted in my head.
I was so stupid, and this mess was all my fucking fault.
If I could go back in time and tell my past self to tell Rune right after the break-in, I would. It could save lives. So many lives.
When Rune tilted his head in a gesture for me to answer, I quickly shook my head while I white-knuckled the reins.
For a few seconds, he stared at me with narrowed eyes, his darker eyes assessing me, giving me the feeling he could see every twitch and small movement of my face. Like he was waiting for me to show the signs that I was lying. But I wasn’t. And if I wasn’t telling him something, it was because I couldn’t remember.
With a soft nod and seeing I wasn’t withholding anything, he turned his attention away from me. I released a shaky breath and looked back down at my trembling hands.
I felt like a child that had seriously fucked up and was scared of her dad handing her her ass. With Rune, I was sure he would throw me over his knee and spank me. He would hold true to his unofficial title of Daddy and do what any Daddy would do to show his displeasure. Spanks and orgasms.
“I already have a scout searching for the man who’s after Isa. I told him to use the ravens and give me updates when he has them. I think something is preventing him from updating me because of how easily Rekja and Hegnan got the information,” Rune said to the group as a whole.
“Who’s the scout?” Hluti asked.
“Efla.”
The conversation began fading away as I zoned out. It was all becoming too much again. I wanted to change and fight back like I tried to do before I was killed. But that would require me to change who I was. I was soft and weak. The opposite of who I used to be in my last life, from what Rune said. Even my dreams said otherwise.
“No more,”the voice in the back of my mind whispered.
It was the same thing it said to me right as I shattered and fought for my friend’s life.
No more.
I was tired of being walked all over. Tired of being the sweet Isa who apologized all the time when it wasn’t my fault. Tired of watching people suffer and die because of me. And I was so tired of being that lost soul that had no meaning in life before I met Rune.
“We can’t have the females with us when we hunt down the fuckers.” Hluti’s voice filtered through, and it took a moment to register before I slipped back into my mind. The conversations happening filtered through like I drank Hluti’s mead again, and things echoed on a level like I was high and drunk.
They were making plans instead of rushing in and possibly falling into a trap. It was smart of them because their original plan was a mess.
“Who will stay with them? Rune can’t protect them as he’s still recovering,” Slátra said.
