His mouth turns down in the frown, and he shakes his head. “No.”
“Then why don’t you say what’s on your mind, and then I’ll do the same.”
Even as I say that, I’m terrified to hear what he has to say. What if he’s decided my serving him with divorce papers was a step too far? What if he actually plans on signing those papers? I knew when I said yes to my attorney that it was a risk Marius might just agree to divorcing me, but until this very moment, I didn’t know how crushed I’d be if that’s what he wants to do.
“Fine,” he says nodding his head, almost like he’s trying to convince himself we’re okay.
We aren’t.
Staring into my eyes, he looks so sweet when he says, “I meant what I said before, Eden. Everything that’s happened is my fault. I just want you to know that I’ve never been ashamed of being with you. I’m proud you’re my wife, and I hope I can continue to say that.”
Relief washes over me at hearing those words. He doesn’t want to divorce me. Good because I don’t want to divorce him. Now if we can figure out how to right this ship, we’ll be okay.
“You can call me, Duck, Marius.”
He reaches out for my hand and smiles. “I wasn’t sure you wanted me to use that nickname anymore.”
“What I don’t want is to be the last thing you think of in your life. And I don’t want to wonder if we’ll ever have a marriage where I mean more to you than everyone else. I’ve gotten used to that nickname and actually like it. It’s all the other stuff I can’t do anymore.”
In his dark eyes, I see genuine fear as I say those things. It’s almost as if he isn’t understanding me. Does he truly believe I don’t want to be married to him?
“Duck, you were never less important to me, but I see now that’s what you felt. I’m sorry. You mean more to me than anything in this world. Do you really want a divorce?”
I don’t answer for a long moment. No, I don’t a divorce, but we can’t continue like we were.
Looking down at where our hands are joined, I shake my head. “I never wanted a divorce, Marius. I just couldn’t keep lying to everyone I love.”
He slides his forefinger under my chin to lift my head. With a smile, he says, “No more lying. I promise. If you want, I’ll buy a billboard in Times Square to let the world know. Or dozens of them so we can tell everyone we’re together.”
My husband loves the big gesture. It’s his signature thing. I’ve always loved that about him. He’s generous to a fault.
“You don’t have to do that. All I want is to know my husband isn’t ashamed to be married to me.”
“I’ve never been ashamed of you, Duck. You’re gorgeous, smart as hell, accomplished…everything any man would kill for. I’ve never been happier than when I’ve been with you. God, I hate that you think I was embarrassed by you.”
Fighting back tears, I say, “I didn’t know why you didn’t want to tell the world we were together. My mind came up with dozens of scenarios to explain it, and none of them felt good. Then you brought that beautiful girl to Ava’s party, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t wonder why you were fine with showing her off but not me.”
“Aww, Duck. Sam is just my assistant. She means nothing to me. I thought I was proving a point, but I know now I was just being an asshole. I never meant to hurt you. I swear. Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
The pain of that night at Ava’s rushes through me, and suddenly, I’m angry again. “I know who the hell she is, Marius. It’s the fact that you thought it was okay for you to bring her to the party that was the problem.”
“I know. I get it. Honestly, I do. Just tell me you think you can forgive me. That’s all I need to hear.”
“And what if I can’t?”
Until this very moment, I wasn’t able to entertain the thought that I wouldn’t forgive him, but what if I can’t? What if all that’s happened is too much?
As soon as I ask him that question, I’m met with the saddest expression I’ve ever seen on anyone’s face. “Duck, you have to forgive me. You just have to. This can’t be the end of us.”
“I don’t know, Marius.”
“You love me, right?”
My eyes fill with tears at hearing him ask me that. “I do love you. I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t love you.”
His face lights up. “I’ve loved you since that first day, Duck. You knocked me off my feet, and I’ve never been the same again. I know I’ve screwed up, but please remember all the good times we’ve had. There have been some, haven’t there?”
I laugh at the memory of the two of us eating Chinese food and Marius utterly failing at using chopsticks. He was so frustrated by his inability to handle those two pieces of wood.
