“No, you’re not.”Pain crossed the room in three long strides, his hands gentle as they cupped my face.“You’re hurt, and it’s because of me.Because I brought you into this life.”
“I chose to be here,” I whispered, reaching up to stroke his beard.My fingers trembled slightly from the aftereffects of the taser.“You didn’t force me.”
Pain’s jaw tightened, his eyes darkening.“You didn’t sign up for this.Being attacked by corrupt cops wasn’t part of the deal.”
“Neither was being attacked by Grayson, but you saved me then, just like you would have saved me today if you could.”I managed a weak smile.“Besides, I think I held my own pretty well.”
A choked sound escaped him, something between a laugh and a sob.“Jesus Christ, woman.You’re going to be the fuckin’ death of me.”
We shared a quiet moment.Pain sat on the edge of the gurney and leaned in to rest his forehead against mine for a long moment.When he was ready, instead of sitting up, he moved down to lay his head on my chest.It wasn’t anything sexual.He needed the comfort as much as I did.
“When I saw you on the ground…” Pain clenched his jaw tightly and took another deep breath.“I couldn’t get to you.I was right there, and I couldn’t --” Again he clenched his jaw.I threaded my fingers through his hair and massaged his scalp, trying to do something -- anything -- to give him some kind of peace.“I’ve never wanted to kill someone so badly in my fuckin’ life.If Knuckles hadn’t stopped me, I would have, too.I’d have ripped his Goddamned head off with my fuckin’ hands.”
I believed him.I’d seen the look in his eyes just before Roscoe tased me the second time.It was a primal, animalistic rage he was still reeling from, the same as I was.
“I saw you,” I confessed softly.“I see you now, too.”
He didn’t move.“What do you see when you look at me, Nadine?Please tell me.”
I had to smile.It really was this simple.“I see… a man who loves me.”He stiffened in my arms.“So you should know, I’m the woman who loves you.”
Pain’s head snapped up, his eyes searching mine with an intensity that stole my breath.For a moment, he just stared, like he couldn’t believe what I’d said.
“Say that again,” he whispered, his voice rough with emotion.
My heart hammered against my ribs, but I held his gaze.“I love you, Ford Raven.I love you… Pain.”
He made a sound deep in his throat before capturing my mouth with his.The kiss was desperate, hungry, full of all the fear and relief we’d both been struggling with.His hands framed my face like I was something precious, something he was afraid might break or disappear.
When he ended the kiss, I took a breath.I needed to finish this before I couldn’t because I was about to bare my soul.
“I love you, Pain.”I had to say them again -- the words felt right, natural and true.“I think I’ve been falling for you since Terre Haute, but today, seeing you helpless to reach me and seeing how much it tore you apart…” I swallowed hard.“I don’t want to waste any more time pretending this isn’t exactly where I’m meant to be.”
“You caught my attention when I first met you as a volunteer.Not in a sexual way, but in the way you treated people.I’ve loved you since the first day you walked into that infirmary,” he confessed.“Watching how you were to all the inmates you interacted with, seeing that fierce compassion you showed patients and family at the hospital instead of treating them with disrespect… Christ, Nadine.You’re the most caring person I’ve ever met.You have no idea what you do to me.”
He kissed me again, soft and reverent at first, like he was afraid I might break.But when I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, the kiss changed.Something snapped in him, and suddenly his mouth was devouring mine with a hunger that matched the ache building inside me.
“I need you,” I whispered against his lips.“Take me home, Pain.”
He pulled back just enough to search my face.“You sure you’re up for that?You’re hurt.”
I smiled up at him.“I’m sore, Pain, not broken.”I ran my fingers through his salt-and-pepper hair.The silky strands were a gentle reminder of our age difference.It also reminded me he’d have vastly more experience than me in every aspect of life.Maybe it should bother me, but I found it oddly comforting to know he could take care of everything.“And right now, I need to feel alive.I need to feel you touching me.”
A low growl rumbled in his chest as he carefully lifted me into his arms.“Hang onto me, baby.”
The journey back to our apartment was a blur.Pain carried me the entire way, ignoring anyone we passed.His face was set in determination, and I could feel the tension in his muscles, the controlled power as he held me against his chest.
Once inside our apartment, he kicked the door shut behind us and carried me straight to the bedroom.He laid me down on the bed with a gentleness that made my heart ache, his hands hovering over me like he was afraid to touch me.
“Let me see where he got you,” he murmured, his fingers hovering over the hem of my shirt.
I nodded, lifting my arms so he could pull off my top.His breath hissed between his teeth when he saw the round, red burn marks on my shoulder and side.He looked like it almost pained him too.
He grunted before going to the bathroom.When he returned, he had a kit that held more medical stuff than any first-aid kit I’d ever seen.
“What’s that?”I didn’t really care; I was trying to get him talking to me.He was hurting in a way I didn’t understand, and I needed him to tell me what to do to make him better.
“First-aid kit on steroids.”
