“Let’s narrow it down. Start in the middle.”
My eyes snapped up to his. “You said I couldn’t use those.”
“I know. Because I didn’t want you to limit yourself. These are a starting point. So, let’s start. What did you feel when you first heard her voice?”
I pulled the wheel closer. I studied the seven emotions as I thought back to that day. “Surprised.”
“Why?”
“She was a girl. But she was so bold. I didn’t hear any fear in her voice when she yelled at the guy trying to pull me out.”
“Then what?” he asked, pointing to the inside ring, indicating I should start there again.
“Fearful.”
“Why?”
“She was a girl. I was worried the man would hurt her.”
“Then what?”
I looked at him. He watched me, his head tilting to the side. “Can I move to the next ring?” When he nodded, I said, “Confused.”
“What confused you?”
“I heard noises, but I couldn’t see what was happening. I could see their feet moving around, but didn’t know who was winning. Until he hit the ground.”
“You saw him?” I nodded, my eyes on the table.
“She killed him,” I whispered, then covered my mouth. “Are you gonna report her?”
“No,” Dr. Dunaway said. “It’s in the past. Anything you tell me that has already happened is between you and me.” Then he winked and said, “I would have done the same thing.” I smiled, and we moved on as if his confession of willingness to kill a man for me, or maybe any child, was passing conversation. “What did you feel when you saw him? Knowing what Valhalla had done?”
“Loved,” I admitted. “I know it’s wrong.”
“There are no wrong answers when it comes to feelings. You feel what you feel. No one gets to tell you what you should feel or that what you feel is wrong.”
I stared at Dr. Dunaway. That wasn’t true. She told me I should feel grateful. She told me I should feel special. She told me I should feel honored.
“Kytten?” When I looked up, he asked, “Where did you just go?”
I shook my head. “Nowhere. I was just thinking about what you said.”
I couldn’t look at him. He knew I was lying. But I couldn’t tell him about her. I was willing to tell him everything else. About Amber, and how scared I was of losing Val. How jealous I was of a four-year-old who had everything I ever wanted, including my brother. But not about her. That was my secret. And if anyone knew, if Cash knew. He wouldn’t want me. My fingers brushed over the soft leather I wore.
No, he could never know.
“Can we take a break?” I asked, refusing to look up.
“For a few minutes? An hour? Or the day?”
“For the day?” I asked, my eyes on the door.
“Sure. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
I stood up quickly and rushed out. I needed a breather. I needed the monsters. When I got to the main room, it was almost empty. Tank and Charlie were asleep on the couch. Maureen had gone home and taken her dog, thank goodness.There was a prospect behind the bar wiping glasses with a rag, and two brothers playing pool.
I wasn’t sure where Cash was, so I headed down the hall. As I passed the kitchen, I listened at the door. There were no sounds on the other side, so I slowly pushed it open. I searched for Hash. He was always in here.
