“They were,” I whispered.
“But they’re gone?” I nodded again. I didn’t want her to ask me where they went or why. I couldn’t explain it.
“What was it that made them wake up?”
I bit my lip and thought about her question. I was angry with Cash. But that wasn’t it. I called them. I wanted them to come, so I didn’t have to feel. Only I couldn’t tell her that.
“I was mad.”
“Because Cash was being a jerk. Tell me what he did.”
“He was treating me like a child.”
I paced in front of her. Standing still would let her see me. I didn’t want her to see me. I wanted her to see Kytten. She liked Kytten. Everyone liked Kytten. It was Rose who was a mess.
“Why don’t you start at the beginning? I am assuming it wasn’t one thing that got you this upset.”
I peered over my shoulder, and she smiled. I smiled back. She wanted to listen. I turned away and paced back and forth as I told her about sitting on the couch, and the dog that wouldn’t stop staring at me. How Cash wouldn’t rescue me and then I saw him talking to Dr. Jefferson.
I told her about Haizley kissing Cash. That didn’t bother me. I knew she was helping him deal with his shit. He told me. He shared something with me that he had never told anyone else. He gave me his secrets.
But I couldn’t give him mine.
Not all of them.
I told Ellie about Gunner threatening Haizley, and when Ellie laughed out loud, I turned and glared at her.
“Why are you laughing at me?”
“Oh, Kytten. I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I am laughing at what you described. Gunner and Haizley have an interesting dynamic. She has shared a little bit about what they get into, and believe me, the only thing he was threatening her with was a good time.”
“I didn’t know that,” I said, my voice quiet. The shame was back. I had overreacted again. Like the night we had dinner withEllie and Ryder, and I thought Ryder was being too controlling with Chrissy.
“You aren’t expected to. You did what you did because you thought she was in danger, and I cannot tell you how admirable that makes you. Most of us are terrified of Gunner. Not because he has ever given us a reason to be, but he is so freaking big.” She shuddered a little.
“I would have loved to see you threatening him. Gunner is always so... What’s the word I’m looking for... stoic maybe? Always so in control. He probably didn’t know what to think of your coming at him like that.”
“I wasn’t kidding. I would have cut his dick off.”
“I know. And that’s what makes it all the better. And Gunner would never admit this, but you trying to protect his old lady, even from him, garners respect from him. He won’t take that lightly. He now knows you would protect his woman if he weren’t there. That means something to him.”
Maybe Ellie wasn’t entirely wrong. I thought I saw something when he looked back at me. I had expected humor or ridicule. But neither was there. I saw something I couldn’t determine. But I wasn’t sure it was respect.
“What happened next?”
I paced again. My arms were flying around me as I told her about the sheriff coming in and Cash hassling me about speeding. How I yelled at him and stormed out.
“And what are you feeling now?”
“I don’t know. Defeated.”
“Why?” she asked. Could I tell her?
“Because he treats me like a kid. The first day we met, he called me a kid. I don’t think he’ll ever take me seriously.” I sat on the grass and picked at it. Not looking at her. I had told her more about what I was feeling than I had ever told anyone.
“I don’t think he sees you as a kid. I think he’s worried about losing you. I think hearing that you were going so fast and knowing what the repercussions would be if you did lose control and crash scared the shit out of him.”
My eyes widened at her words. “Oh my God,” I breathed. “Because of Rachel.” Ellie nodded, and I buried my face in my hands. “I’m so stupid.”
