I lifted my head and looked into her eyes. “Ask. If it’s club business, I’ll tell you.”
Her eyes dropped to my chest. She was nervous about whatever she wanted to ask about. I wouldn’t lie, that made me fucking nervous too.
“A few weeks ago, I met one of the old ladies at Trudy’s. She had two little girls.”
I exhaled. “Ellie.”
“Yea. Her little girl, Chrissy, asked about going to the clubhouse, and Ellie said no. It sounded like maybe they weren’t allowed. And I was wondering why.”
I closed my eyes and rested my head on the rock we sat against. Lifting Rose off my lap, I stood and walked to the edge. I didn’t want to answer this question.
It felt a little too much like Rachel was behind the questions. I knew that was bullshit. Rose had never met Rachel. She had come to Diamond Creek months after Rach died.
“I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”
“No. It is,” I said, turning around to look her in the eye. “It’s my fault.” When she didn’t ask why, I turned back to look out over the town and continued, “When Rachel’s aneurism burst, she didn’t die. She was put on life support but declared brain dead.”
“Oh, Cash.”
I felt her behind me, but she didn’t reach out. Instead, I held my hand out for her. When she took it, I pulled her in front of me and pressed my chest to her back.
“When the doctor came out to tell us she was gone, he also told us that Ryder was her next of kin.”
Her gasp was so quiet I almost missed it.
“Were they...?” She didn’t finish the question, but I knew what she was asking. The same thing I had asked for five fucking years.
“They both swear they were never more than friends. They grew up together. There were four of them and it’s a long fucking story, but two of them left town, and Rachel and Ryder were all each other had left. I trusted Rachel, one hundred percent. I didn’t trust Ryder.”
Looking back, I could see it was my own fucking trauma that made it hard for me to believe them both. When you grow up knowing no one believed a word you said, you tended to project that shit onto others.
Wouldn’t Haizley be fucking proud of me?
“When she died, Ryder was married to Ellie. And the two of them are so fucking in love that it’s sickening at times. Deep down I knew he wasn’t after my girl. They always said they had a brother/sister relationship. I was hurt when I found out I wasn’ther next of kin. She understood what being an old lady meant. But she didn’t trust me to make the decisions for her. Instead, she trusted him.”
“What decisions?” she asked as she squeezed my arms that were wrapped around her chest.
“To donate her organs.” I laid my chin on her head. “I didn’t want her cut up. Didn’t want to take her off the vent. Hell, I didn’t want to let her go.”
“What did you do?” she asked and turned in my arms, looking up at me.
“I threatened to kill him. And I meant it. He knew it; the whole fucking club knew it. I’m the reason he won’t let Ellie and the girls come to the clubhouse.”
“You have to make it right, Cash.”
“I know. I just don’t know where to start.”
She pulled me in and laid her face against my chest. “I’m sorry is a great opener.”
I felt her smile against me, and I laughed.
God, it felt so good to laugh again.
“Come to the clubhouse.”
“Cash, I can’t. Not yet,” she said as she pulled away from me.
“Why the fuck not?”
