We took that shit seriously. We were together a year before I gave her a cut. I wanted to make sure she was it. My forever.
Only she wasn’t.
And she claimed to know that.
What did that say about the way I treated her?
Did I not make her feel loved? I thought I had done everything right. I worshipped her. Gave her everything I could.
Maybe that was the problem.
“Fuck.” I dropped my head and turned off the bike. I didn’t move. I sat there for a good ten minutes before I finally gave in and made my way back to Haizley’s front door.
I lifted my hand to knock and paused. Before I pussied out again, I rapped my knuckles on the wood.
“Come in,” she called.
When I opened the door, Haizley was still sitting in that damn chair. I closed the door softly and walked around to the couch. Sitting on the edge of the seat, I rested my elbows on my knees and stared at the floor.
“I don’t know how to answer that question,” I stated honestly.
“It’s a yes or no question. Seems like a simple premise.”
I lifted my head and focused on her. I expected a condescending look similar to the last therapist. Instead, what I saw was worse.
Fucking pity.
“I don’t need your goddamn pity.”
“I don’t pity you. I am sad for you. You lost someone very close to you. It’s only been a few months.”
I rubbed the heel of my hand across my forehead. “I thought I loved her.”
“But you aren’t sure?”
“She didn’t think I did,” I confessed as I sat back against the couch.
“I find that hard to believe,” Haizley said, shaking her head as if what I’d said wasn’t the truth. Only I knew it was. Rachel had told me.
“She left me a letter. Told me she knew I didn’t love her the way she loved me.” I snorted, shaking my head. “Said it was ok because she wasn’t supposed to be my forever. But that I was hers.”
Haizley rolled her lips between her teeth, and I noticed the glassiness in her eyes. “Rachel was one of the most beautiful people I knew,” she said as a tear slipped down her cheek.
I blinked furiously at the ceiling. I didn’t need more of this shit. I felt guilty enough as it was.
“I’m sorry,” she said as she swiped under her eye. “Would you be willing to share the letter?” she asked. Then quickly added, “Don’t feel like you have to. But I suspect maybe you misunderstood what she was trying to say.”
“I didn’t misunderstand shit.” I stood again. “She made it clear that I fucked up as her old man. She didn’t feel loved by me and because of that, she made Ryder her next of kin instead of me.”
This time when I stormed out, I got on my bike and backed out of her driveway. As I rode out of town, I thought about the letter, what Rachel said about me finding my forever.
A picture of the sexy pixie with the pink hair flashed in my mind. I shook my head, trying to dispel the image. Only it stuck.I hadn’t been able to get her out of my mind since that day on the mountain. It was why I hadn’t been back.
I had no idea who she was or where she came from. Was she just passing through town, or was she still here? I hadn’t seen her in town, not that I had been there much.
Before I knew it, I was riding up the narrow path to Lookout Mountain. Disappointment flooded me when I made it to the top and I found myself alone.
Still, I turned off my bike and walked to the edge. I thought about the first time Rachel brought me up here.
