Prologue
Cash
My Love,
I asked Matlock to give you this letter when I was gone. Please forgive me for not telling you what was wrong. I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Ryder.
My mom’s cancer diagnosis was a terrible time in my life. Micah had died, or so we thought. Beck had withdrawn, and it was just me and Ryder. He got me through the worst time in my life and for that, I will forever be grateful. I know you don’t believe it, but we truly were just friends. He was my brother. And I know that with me gone, he will suffer as much as you.
Be there for him, please. Do this for me. Don’t let your anger and grief keep you from having a friend who will never turn his back on you. The club is all about loyalty. No one is more loyal than Ryder.
He’ll need you to get him through. Someone who loved me as much as he did. Someone he can grieve with. Yes, he has Beck and Micah, but it’s different. I need to know the two of you will put your differences aside now that I am no longer there to be in the middle of it.
I know you will both be angry that I didn’t tell you what was wrong. At least that’s something you can do together. If it helps the two of you connect, then be angry at me.
Doctors diagnosed me not long after I lost my mom, and after the way she suffered, and the guilt she felt that I wastaking care of her instead of living my life, I didn’t want my condition to overshadow our time together.
When I met you, you changed my life. You were exactly what I needed. Until then, I had been dwelling on when I would die. It settled in the back of my mind to always be careful. Watch out for my head. The doctors said there was no way of knowing if or when it would happen, and it felt like I had a ticking time bomb just ready to blow with the slightest bump or jostle.
Until you came along.
The first time you put me on the back of your bike, I felt free. Like I was flying. I had never felt freedom like that. Like nothing could hurt me, yet knowing that if we crashed, it would likely be the end.
But you were always so careful already. Treating me like fine china. As if I was fragile and would break with the smallest amount of pressure. If I had told you about the time bomb in my head, you never would have let me on your bike again. And riding in the wind with my arms wrapped around you was where I was most at peace.
It let me forget.
Life had always been a struggle. Raised by a single mom, we never had extras. But she always made sure we had enough. Caring for her when she was dying was hard. It was a drain, emotionally and physically. I didn’t want to lose her, yet it was all I thought about.
My thoughts centered on the inevitable—the day when she wouldn’t ever open her eyes again. I didn’t want that for you.
You deserved to live life without the threat of death, which I know sounds crazy given your position in the club. But that was different. The club always had the risk of death. My death was a certainty. It wasn’t a matter of if, but when.
I couldn’t let you live a life worrying about me. I loved you too much for that.
Thank you for loving me.
You were my happy ever after. Our time together was a gift to me after I had lost so much. You made my last few years the happiest years of my life. You were my end, my true love.
But I was not yours.
I know I wasn’t the love of your life. But you were mine. My fate was sealed. My time was limited. I knew that when we got together. Maybe it was selfish, but I wanted to love you. For as long as I could.
But you still have a lifetime ahead of you.
Your happily ever after is still out there. She’s still waiting for you to find her. She allowed me to borrow you for a time, and I will forever love her for that.
But it’s her turn to love you. She is the one you will grow old with. The one you will have babies with. She is your future.
I know you loved me as much as you could, but not the way you will love her. And that’s ok. I wasn’t meant to be your forever.
But you are meant to be hers.
So, grieve in whatever way you need to. But I need you to do me a favor. Love her like you couldn’t love me. Don’t hold back, Cash. Give her everything you have. Whether you meet her in a year or even tomorrow. Don’t wait.
Take the time to let me go. Don’t keep me in a place where I will come between the two of you when you find her. My place in your heart is small. Let her have the rest.
Give her my cut.
