Ryan shook his head like he was clearing the crazy things out. “After a while, it got easier to understand what was going on with Ian. He made it clear he was in charge, but that I could say no at any time. By the time I got to college we’d stopped…dating…and I understood what I liked, but that didn’t make it any easier.”
I finished the thought I knew was running through his head. “Because when you look like the quarterback of the football team, you’re not supposed to be gay, much less want someone else to be in charge.”
Ryan nodded and squeezed our hands tight before relaxing his grip and continuing the slow caress of our fingers. “Yep.”
Dare spoke up again. “Without making you both go into details about your personal life that you might not be ready to share, I’m just going to say that you’re both on the same page when it comes to practical knowledge of submission.”
I glanced at Ryan to see him blushing. “What?”
Dare chuckled and leaned over to give Ryan a peck on the cheek. “Ryan doesn’t use the word.”
“I like the word.” Every time Dare said it, he sent shivers down my spine.
Ryan sighed and grumbled, “There’s nothing wrong with the word.”
“You don’t have to use the word.” He could explain it however he wanted as long as it didn’t chase us apart.
“It just feels…I don’t match the image in my head that I picture when I say the word. I’ve been to clubs and even some more interesting ones that had BDSM couples and stuff.” Ryan was normally better at explaining things than I was, but I wasn’t sure what he was saying that time.
Dare did.
“Subs at the club come off as insatiable bottoms, don’t they?”
Ryan nodded.
I’d never been to a club like that, but I’d had enough guys come on to me that I could picture what he meant.
Dare paused for a moment before continuing. “They never talk about topping their Dom or wanting to switch, and it didn’t fit your image of what you wanted. Ian was in charge, but Ian liked to bottom, didn’t he?”
Ian had been an insatiable bottom.
I nodded, but Ryan chuckled. He must have had very similar memories. “Yeah, we um…switched sometimes, but he mostly wanted to bottom.”
Topping from the bottom.
When other people used that expression they seemed to picture bossy subs who tried to control things even though they really wanted their Dom in charge. I always pictured Ian. Bottom never meant sub for me. Maybe it was because he was my first Dom, even though we’d never called it that, or maybe it was because I’d always wanted to submit but I’d never bottomed. Either way, they weren’t connected in my mind.
“Do you like to top?” Dare asked the question like he’d asked what flavor of ice cream Ryan liked.
“Um, yes?”
He didn’t seem very sure of that answer. I chuckled and said, “I’m the one who answers questions with questions, not you.”
Ryan snorted but relaxed and grinned. “Ever think I’m learning from you?”
“Do I always do that?”
They both just laughed and it took me a minute to realize what I’d done. “Oh.”
Ryan shook his head and then glanced back to Dare. “Yes, I like to top. Bottoming is okay but…it feels kind of weird.”
Dare shrugged and started to speak, but then he looked at me and cocked his head like I was an interesting specimen he wanted to explore. “What do you think about that, Scott?”
“What do I think about what?”
Ryan snorted, and it only took a second to realize what he found ridiculous. “I didn’t mean to do it that time.”
Dare just waited quietly, and I had a feeling his patience would outlast my embarrassment, so I forced the words out. “I think I need a different question?”
