Of course Sean thought that was nearlycriminal and took the devious imp under his wing, ushering him out to the backyard.It was completely contrived, but Miles took that moment to ask me if I wanted atour of the yard. The only acceptable answer was yes, so we were soon wanderingaround pretending to admire his play structure and all the toys his Daddy hadpurchased or made for him.
Littles seemed to be the most high-maintenancetype of subs, overall very enjoyable, but they were more expensive than actualchildren.
Miles would’ve probably laughed at thatdescription, so I kept it to myself since it wasn’t pertinent to theconversation.
“How would you define your relationship withAsa outside of a scene?” His question said he didn’t miss my awkward verbal stumble.
“I don’t know. That might be part of theproblem.” I wasn’t going to pretend there weren’t issues. There was a reasonI’d pushed him into an unexpected lunch and we both knew it.
He turned to me as we walked around theside of the house, out of sight of the two grill kings. “What do you know? Evensomething simple.”
Taking a moment to think, I took thequestion seriously. “I know that I want what’s best for Asa.”
Miles smiled. “And for some reason, I’mgetting the idea that you think you’re not what’s best for him.”
“I don’t know.” I hated that answer. “Ican’t imagine him exploring this side of himself with anyone else for a varietyof reasons, but I’m not sure my controlling tendencies are healthy for him.”
Before he could say anything, I scoffed androlled my eyes. “And no, I realize I wouldn’t be seeing another sub the sameway. But he’s not just a random sub from the club or some sort of hypotheticalperson I’m using to play what-if with.”
Miles chuckled again. “I’m going to answerthis more as a friend than as a therapist because that’s really what we are,okay?”
Nodding, I focused on the grass and theflowers they’d planted around the house. “Yes.”
“You’re an idiot.” His response wasn’tentirely unexpected, so I managed not to trip over my own feet and look like aneven bigger fool. “But you’re well-meaning and I can see how important he is toyou.”
“I don’t want to hurt him. That’s thebiggest point for me.” Taking a breath, I tried to organize my thoughts intosome sort of coherent manner. “I’m domineering and a bit of an asshole, really.I’ve controlled myself well so far, but how long can that go on? And really, thatdoesn’t seem like a healthy combination for him.”
Miles shook his head. “With another type ofsub, I might agree. But Asa isn’t a shy boy that needs a lot of care andpatience to come into his own. He’s brash and goes after what he wants. Justlook at his confrontation with Conner. I’ve heard from both of them howfrustrating the other was, and Conner didn’t even realize I knew Asa.”
That had me smiling for the first timesince we’d started talking. “Yes, Ben seemed to find him entertaining, butConner was definitely frustrated.”
Miles pulled us back on track. “But thatjust shows that Asa is more than capable of stating his opinions and standingup for what he wants…and right now that seems to be you.”
“He’s not subtle.”
Miles chuckled. “That is an understatement,but then again, neither are you.”
I shrugged, not bothering to argue withhim. “Subtlety is not a character trait I ever really admired.”
“Asa understands the personality quirkshe’s gathered as a response to his past, but that doesn’t mean he’s not capableof submitting or putting limits on it if he’s uncomfortable.” Miles paused. “Isthat the real problem?”
“I only had a few minutes of mild concernabout our age difference and the fact that I first knew him when he was soyoung.” It was a bit of an odd way to start, but Miles let me ramble as I gotto the point. “Watching over him was important to me back then, and that hasn’tchanged, but he was always just a child to me.”
I glanced over to see Miles nodding, takingmy words seriously. “I would tell you if I had any doubts on that, Stuart.”
“But I think that changes how he sees meand I’m afraid that it…I’m worried that it will affect other things in ourrelationship. Sometimes I question how far he would go to make me happy.” Milestook my concern seriously without downplaying the issue.
“He’s given me permission to tell youanything you need to know to feel more confident in your relationship, so I’mcomfortable with explaining this to you.” He studied me for a moment and whenhe was satisfied that I understood, he continued. “He would follow where youlead for a long time because he trusts you, but it would never be absoluteblind faith.”
My relief must have been evident becauseMiles smiled again as he continued to explain. “You built a solid foundation oftrust back then that isn’t easy to shake, but he’s very analytical, and youwon’t be able to lead him anywhere he doesn’t want to follow you.”
“My desires have always been more aboutcontrol and making my sub mine than other more tender aspects of BDSM.” Notthat I didn’t appreciate what someone like Porter and Landon seemed to have, butI needed more. “It’s why I’ve always gone so long between subs and even betweenvanilla dates. Most people just don’t want that, so when he seems to long forit…”
“You’re worried that you’re finally gettingeverything that you’ve always wanted and you’re looking for the catch.” Milesgave me an understanding smile. “You need to share your past with Asa. I thinkthat would go a long way in making you more comfortable.”
Possibly.
“You don’t think my…ownership style of BDSMwould be unhealthy for him?” The question sounded completely ridiculous. “Iknow logically that he’s worked hard at making sure he’s mentally in the rightplace to submit, but with his past and our previous connection…logic is notmatching up with my fears. I understand that, but I can’t move past it.”
