“You don’t seem to be worried.” There was asmile in his voice that had me turning back and my grin widening.
“Because there isn’t anything to be worriedabout. Not with the submission part. He’s trustworthy, so I don’t have to worryabout him not stopping if I use my safeword, and he already finds me funny orat least endearing because even when I’m a pest he smiles.” And the way he’dgrabbed my neck and let the Dom in him come out to play had been beyondamazing.
“What kinds of things are there still to beworried about?”
The question wasn’t unexpected, so Ishrugged and explained. “How he’s going to continue to see me? I mean, will hebe able to see me as an adult that he can have a physical relationship with orwill that be too much for him? Things like that, mostly.”
Before Dr. Sheppard could ask anotherquestion, I kept going. “He made sure I knew that he still wanted to be friendseven if nothing else develops, and I know that some people who have a Dominantsubmissive relationship aren’t sexually involved. But I want it all with him.”
Waiting was not my strong suit, and it feltlike I’d been held back for years.
“But…” he prompted.
I sighed. “But I’m going to beunderstanding about what he needs and let him take his time figuring thingsout. Just because I know what I want doesn’t mean I get to push him.”
Dr. Sheppard smiled. “He’s a strong Dom,though, so I don’t think he’ll be easy for you to push around.”
I flopped down in my chair again. “I know.It’s so frustrating.”
Dr. Sheppard rolled his eyes at my drama.We’d known each other for long enough that he didn’t hide what he was feelingfrom me most of the time. I liked knowing to begin with, and it was his way of makingus less patient and doctor.
He had this crazy idea that I didn’t needhim anymore.
That was ridiculous, but he hadn’tprotested when I’d put my foot down. No, until I was a lot more secure in lifeand with my relationship with Stuart, I needed Dr. Sheppard. Once a few yearshad passed and I knew we were headed into something permanent, then I’d thinkabout stopping our appointments.
“But I wouldn’t like him half as much if heweren’t so strong. I just have to keep reminding myself that.” A shiver racedthrough me when I thought about the way he’d held me on Friday. “But it’seasier to behave when he lets his Dom out. It was so…”
My grin probably looked silly. “It wasperfect.”
“What made it so perfect?” Dr. Sheppard’squestion was easy to answer…but not short.
“For the most part, he was relaxed and calmand completely unruffled.” No drama. That had been wonderful. “Even when I surprisedhim with a few unexpected things, like that whole part about seeing himdominating his friend before, he recovered quickly.”
I grinned. “He even thought about hisresponses and didn’t simply throw something out there to make me happy.”
No drama and he really wanted to beaccurate with his words.
Could he get more perfect?
“And he let me push a bit, mostly ignoringit, but when I pushed a bit more, he grabbed me and it just sent shiversthrough me like he was short-circuiting my entire brain.” I got hard justthinking about it. “He held me tight, and it was everything I’d imagined. Iwasn’t afraid, and I wasn’t thinking about being someplace else. Hell, I wasn’tthinking at all, really.”
Dr. Sheppard was smiling again. “So it waseverything you’d imagined?”
“And more. Everything in my head finallyturned off, and it was so…peaceful. Yes, it was erotic and comforting and allkinds of other things all mixed up together, but it was so nice not to think.”I’d just had to follow directions and listen to him.
And he was worthy of my submission, sothere hadn’t been any internal conflict at all.
“How did it make you feel to know that heunderstood your past?” Dr. Sheppard’s question made me think before shrugging.
“I didn’t really think about it like that.I was glad he understood where I was coming from and didn’t think my issuesmade me insane. He got it because he saw it firsthand.” I thought back to hisexpression and how he’d held me. “He understood, but I didn’t see anything thatshowed he thought less of me. He seemed…he seemed proud of me.”
That realization had me relaxing even more.“He was proud of me for my accomplishments with school, and when we finallystarted talking about my work when we spoke on Sunday, he was very proud of mefor that too.”
Before Dr. Sheppard could speak again, Ikept rambling. “He knew how hard I must have worked to get better at math andjust to get through school to begin with. He just…maybe it was somewhatpaternal on his part, but he was excited to hear about what I’d done.”
I chuckled as I stood up and started pacingagain. “But it wasn’t paternal when he held me and pinned me to him. No, thatwas very much a Dom showing a sub their place. It was…it was so romantic.”
I turned back to see Dr. Sheppard nodding.“I can understand that feeling. How do you think Stuart was feeling?”
