Oh, I had a feeling I knew what that lookmeant. “Do you know him? He didn’t say he knew you. But wait, maybe I didn’tsay your name. Privacy and all.”
“I think I might.” Dr. Sheppard shook hishead and smiled at me. “It was the wonderfully honest and forthright that cluedme in. Are you comfortable telling me his last name?”
I shrugged. “He’s the one who said he wasgoing to talk to you before we got naked or did anything fun like that, so Idon’t really think he should expect too much privacy at this point. Blake.Stuart Blake.”
Dr. Sheppard chuckled. “Yes, I can see whyyou would be drawn to him. Especially if you knew him when you were young. Whatdoes he think about knowing you then versus now?”
I shrugged. “He keeps saying that heunderstands I’m an adult now, and he used words like cute and sexy to describeme. But he’s got these rules about us going slow with the physical side of ourrelationship. That could be coming from several directions, though.”
I might have thrown a lot at him.
“I think you might be right. This has to bea lot for him to process.” Dr. Sheppard gave me a look like I was supposed toexplain that I knew what he was talking about.
He was worse than most of my professorsabout wanting to test my understanding of the subject.
“Yes, it’s very new, and he knows it’s newfor me as well, and he has to come to terms that I’m not a kid, and that myparents didn’t fuck me up too much.” I sighed. “I really want you to tell methat I can tell him we don’t have to go this slow. I’m not supposed to pesterhim about physical contact.”
Dr. Sheppard laughed again. “How about Itell you that I think you two might be good for each other, but that you haveto go at his pace?”
“Because he’s my Master?”
Dr. Sheppard was back to trying not tolaugh. “Yes, but he’s entitled to his worries just like you are. Dom doesn’tmean perfect or fearless. He needs to see how he feels about you and probablyhow you feel about him.”
That got me thinking. “Because he’s concernedthat I don’t want him for him…Yeah, I can see that.”
Unfortunately.
“How do I show him that I’m not just”—Iwaved my hands around vaguely—“going after all this because he’s convenient? Ireally liked him back then, and I had fun simply hanging out with him at theclub. He gives wonderful hugs, and he really listens.”
“And you can let your walls down aroundhim.” Dr. Sheppard smiled as I nodded.
“I already know he’s trustworthy. It’swonderful.” For a lot of reasons. Some of which I just didn’t have thevocabulary to explain…I also might not have had the emotional depth, but I wasworking on that.
“So what does that mean about Stuart’sfeelings?”
He wasn’t impressed when I sighed.
“It means that I have to realize Stuart’sfeelings are just as valid as mine and I have to watch out for him too. I canbe a good sub. He’s important to me.” It might have grown slowly at first, buthe’d been really important to me as a kid.
Those feelings hadn’t gone away over time—they’djust changed.
“Give him time to find his comfort zonewith you and maybe even his confidence.” When I cocked my head, not sure whathe was talking about, he continued. “If he’s never had a sub who wantedsomething more serious like what you’re envisioning, he might be worried abouthow that will work.”
“Ah.” Thinking back to our talk and thehandful of people I’d met after we’d left the private room, I nodded. “Yeah,most of the people I talked to didn’t give the impression that they were reallyinterested in anything remotely like a twenty-four-seven kind of submission.”
I wasn’t either…not completely. I stillwanted to work and have some sort of personal time, but I didn’t wantsubmission to simply be in the bedroom and I knew I needed that constant presenceto feel grounded.
“Maybe I really did spring a lot on him.”Straightening in my chair, I tried to resist the urge to pace again. “But hedidn’t seem overly concerned about that part. He had questions and we’re goingto talk more about limits tonight, but we were on the same page for mostthings.”
“Have you talked to him since Friday?” Dr.Sheppard’s question made me smile.
“Yes, we set up our date on Friday nightbefore I left the club, but he called on Sunday night to see how I wasdoing…and I think to see if I’d changed my mind.” Like that would ever happen.“He still seemed to be looking forward to our date, and he was funny.”
That got me another smile from thetherapist. “What’s a topic that you want to discuss on your date tonight?”
“We’re going to talk about our first steps towardhim taking more control.” Just talking about it had me bouncing up and doing mybest toslowlywander across the room.
It didn’t work, but I tried.
