It was almost believable. “Of course youare.”
But if he thought lying would get him aspanking faster, he was sadly mistaken. As he settled down by my feet, I shookmy head. “No, come cuddle with me. We’ll work out protocol and how I want tohandle things like that later.”
Talk of more conversations down the lineseemed to please him because he grinned as he stretched out next to me, restinghis head on my chest like it’d always been his space. “Yes, Master.”
Settling back into the pillows, I strokedhis head and did my best to ignore how right it felt. “You said you’d picturedhaving a Master. I’m not opposed to that title, but I need to know what itmeans to you. When I hear it, I imagine something more all-encompassing.”
Asa wiggled a bit until he was pressedcloser against me and started running his fingers over my chest. “Yes, I wantthe control and security of knowing someone is watching over me a lot closerthan a casual boyfriend or even Dom would. Healthy levels of control, of course.I’m not looking to attract a stalker or something dangerous, but I need to knowI matter.”
“And you’ve addressed this with yourtherapist?” I had images of an old man in a rumpled suit shaking his finger atme for encouraging Asa’s fantasies, but it seemed like he knew what he wanted.
He was doing his best not to giggle as henodded. “Yes, I’ve been talking to him for several years and it’s somethingwe’ve discussed at length.”
“Why did you start going to a therapist?”Running my hand over his head, I caressed down his neck and over his back. “Ithink it was a good idea, but what helped you make that decision?”
Asa sighed, nuzzling closer. “A lot ofdifferent things, but my roommate sophomore year had very vanilla ideas aboutwhat healthy relationships should look like, so I kept my needs to myself forthe most part. But after a lot of poking on his part about why I didn’t dateand several long lectures where he was trying to be helpful, I finallyexplained what I was looking for.”
His tone and the way his muscles stiffened saidthe conversation hadn’t gone well.
“He thought I needed help because in hismind I was looking for a stalker and something incredibly unhealthy.” Asa’stone was tinted with offense and I knew he was still reliving the frustration.I gave his head a kiss and heard him sigh before he continued.
“After a few weeks of the constant badgeringthat I was insane, I told him I’d talk to a therapist if he agreed to neverbring it up again.” The stubbornness in his voice said he’d expected theroommate to live up to the bargain.
I knew better.
“What happened?”
“I found my first therapist through somegood reviews online, but she really had no idea what to make of the BDSM sideof what I wanted out of a relationship.” Asa huffed and resettled against melike just the memory was frustrating. “It was awkward.”
That was probably a bit of anunderstatement.
“She quickly realized she wasn’t the rightperson for me and referred me to another doctor in the area. We got along muchbetter. We worked through a lot of my past and I think I’m in a betterheadspace.” He scoffed again. “But Larry, my roommate, thought that my gettingfixed was something we should talk about even though that wasn’t our bargain.So needless to say, we didn’t become fast friends.”
I had to fight the urge to laugh. “Did youget a new roommate?”
“No, they wouldn’t switch me.” His tonesaid he’d been completely incensed by it and still couldn’t understand thedecision.
“Evidently lying isn’t something theyconsider a valid reason to change rooms.” Asa’s tone made his opinion of thatvery clear. “But I found a small room in a boarding house situation to rent,and I moved out a few months later. It wasn’t as convenient as living oncampus, but there were only so many months I could go without talking to Larry.It was getting inconvenient.”
Yep, that was my Asa.
“What did your therapist say about thatsolution?” Asa’s casual shrug wasn’t as believable as he thought it was. “Thatis not an answer.”
He huffed. “He said it more politely thanthis and in doctor-speak, but he basically said I was a brat but it wasn’tworth arguing about because he’d have probably done the same thing.”
I laughed.
“Yep, he really does know you well.” Mylaughter and probably my lack of judgment had him relaxing again.
“Now I think he’s only encouraging me tocome back because he doesn’t want me on my own without having found my Masterfirst.” Asa’s comment sounded factual, so I had a feeling he was at leastpartially right.
“It’s good he’s looking out for you.” Andit was good that he seemed to understand the lifestyle.
“Tell me more about what you’ve imaginedyour Master controlling.” The switch in topics had him relaxing even more, andhe was quickly back to stroking my chest and snuggling.
“I know what my Master needs will come intoplay as well, so it’s always been flexible to me. But I think on the practicalside and not just on the sexy imagination side of things, he’d want to check upon me a lot and would make rules that let me know I was important to him.”
Asa lifted his head, looking into my eyes.“And he’d make sure I understand what makes him feel wanted too. I can onlyanswer from my perspective, though. I don’t know what will make you happy, soyou have to tell me. I’m not very good at guessing things like that.”
