And one who wouldn’t be scared off by myfriends.
I wanted to believe I’d found that withGriffin, but I knew better than to jump into something without looking.
Hopefully.
“Come on.” Keeping our hands together, hestepped back and led us through the showy part of the house to the real livingroom upstairs. If anything was a good allegory for a relationship, it wasGriffin’s house.
Public spaces no one really lived in versusthe private areas that were truly personal…
As we walked up the stairs, Griffin’sfingers tightened on mine and he kept glancing back at me. It was nice to seethat he wasn’t overly confident about what would happen. I was glad it wasn’tjust me, but I found myself smiling, trying to let him know there was nothingto worry about.
The tension really started to build,however, when we walked into the living room. His eyes scanned the room,probably trying to decide the best place for us to sit, but I knew what Iwanted.
“As long as this isn’t going to bestressful or frustrating, I’d rather sit on your lap again if you don’t mind.”Communication. There was nothing to be embarrassed about if I was talking aboutwhat I wanted or needed.
I knew that…but I could also feel my faceheating up.
A smile spread over his face. “I would likethat.”
Having permission to hold me seemed toincrease his confidence and the heat level in the room because as he sat downand pulled me onto his lap, it felt like the temperature in the room hadincreased several degrees since we’d walked in.
Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled meclose to him and relaxed back in the oversized chair. The broad muscles of hischest and the thick arms that held me tight made me itch to trace them with myfingers, but I forced my hands to stay still.
I could behave.
No other touching until we’d talked.
I had to know what was going on before wedid anything else.
Unfortunately, even dead, Matthew was stilla bad influence. I could hear him whispering in the back of my mind all thedirty things he’d said about Griffin when he’d used to tease me.
Griffin must have felt my nervous energybecause his hand came down to cup both of mine as I grasped them in my lap. Ashis fingers stroked mine, I took a deep breath and tried to let out my stress.
“Let me start this by saying I would’venever said anything before, just not knowing what your relationship was like,but I’ve been interested in you since the first time we met.” I could hear howhard he was trying to sound relaxed and casual, but thankfully it wasn’tworking.
I liked knowing he was just as nervous asme, but we needed to get it all out in the open, so I waited quietly as hecontinued. “So if all you’re looking for is someone to casually scene with, I’mprobably not the right person for that. I don’t think I could ever see youwithout it really meaning something.”
Taking a deep breath, I nodded and closedmy eyes as I soaked up the feeling of his arms around me. “I don’t like theidea of one-night stands. I never have. And honestly, if all I want is to beheld or spanked then I have the guys who would help me. It's unconventional byother people’s standards, but it works for us.”
I paused long enough for him to hug me insilent encouragement. “I have people who love me, but what I want now is thatspark, that passionate kind of love they can’t give me. I know I should keepthings lighter and this is probably a ridiculous way to respond to you, but Idon’t think I would do well with casual.”
And I didn’t really want to find out if Icould.
I’d had a love that would last alifetime…anything less than that again would be tarnishing what I knew was outthere.
Matthew had promised me it would be outthere again.
“But you could see me as something otherthan a friend? I mean…someone—” He sounded like he would keep rewording thatsentence until he was happy with it, almost like a recipe, so I interrupted.
“Yes.” Sitting up, I kissed his cheek again,loving the rough scruff on his face. “I saw you as more than a friend when Iwoke up in your arms after the scene. I just didn’t understand it, andhonestly, I think I was a little afraid.”
He smiled, but a hand came up and cupped myface. “Why afraid?”
I shrugged. “You’d already been my friendand I’d never seen anything more than that. And then there was all the crazystuff Matthew had always filled my head with. It was all mixed up and easier ifI ignored it.”
His smile widened and I could see he wastrying not to tease me. “What changed your mind?”
“The guys decided my delusions couldn’tcontinue, or at least that’s what Austin said when they stormed over earlier.”Dakota had told on me. “I’d have addressed it at some point on my own, but theydecided my timeline was not acceptable.”
