Would he realize what it was?
Closing my eyes, I sighed. “I’m going to get changed.”
The cheers from the screen and the sound of Simon chewing were starting to give me a headache.
Simon waved me off as I stood and dodged the pizza box to head upstairs. Making my way to my bedroom, I closed the door and just let the silence sweep over me. I’d never appreciated the soundproofing on the master bedroom more.
Sure, it was one of those unspoken things people just ignored, but it was still wonderful. Just because it was for knotting and privacy didn’t mean that was the only reason it came in handy.
And I’d have to remember that line of logic for Tanner’s sex club if the contractor started asking questions.
I started stripping off my clothes as I moved toward the large walk-in closet that the duplex had come with. I probably should’ve spent less on a place, but I hadn’t been able to resist the large bedroom and the huge bathroom. Most of the houses and apartments I’d initially looked at had made me feel freakishly large.
This was the first one I’d seen where I could move in the closet and wouldn’t bang my elbows on the sides of the shower, so I’d decided not to even think about the price. As I took off my clothes and sorted things between the laundry and the basket for the drycleaners, I tried to keep my brain off the sites I’d looked at, but it was almost impossible.
My mind kept circling around one thing.
Did it really matter what Tanner wanted?
Social stigmas aside, did it change anything?
As I tossed the last of my clothes in the hamper, I headed into the bathroom and turned on the water. Steam started slowly filling the room as I used the toilet and finally climbed in under the pounding spray.
Closing my eyes, I leaned into the water and let it wash away the stress from the day. Tanner appeared in my mind; it was so easy to picture him in front of his desk, pacing as he talked through an idea or listed off things that had to be done.
Even through the mental image, I could feel how forceful he was and how together he had everything. There was no question about who was in charge of that company. But as imaginary Tanner stopped pacing and looked at me, I couldn’t help but picture the needier Tanner who might be hiding his submissive side.
Did that change anything?
Well, my dick didn’t think so. It still found Tanner just as fascinating as it had the first time I’d seen him. But it’d proven early that its judgment couldn’t always be trusted. And because it found the idea of a submissive, heat-stricken Tanner begging for my cock to be one of the hottest things I’d ever imagined, I knew I should ignore it.
But I couldn’t.
Wrapping my hand around my cock, not bothering with lube or even bodywash, I slowly stroked it to the image of a pleading Tanner who only wanted to be taken and knotted.
I knew I shouldn’t.
It was wrong on so many levels, but I wrapped my fist around my dick even tighter. Omegas didn’t want things like that. Heats were private, almost dirty affairs that were taken care of quickly. The idea of stripping Tanner down and making him writhe for me as he waited until I was ready to fuck him should have chased every drop of desire from me, but I’d never been the typical alpha.
Omegas just weren’t treated like that, and alphas weren’t bastards who teased their partners. But it wouldn’t be terrible if that was what he wanted, would it? I’d been told countless times over the years that alphas and omegas were partners in a relationship. Equals who needed to focus on giving their partners what they needed to be happy.
Well, if Tanner needed the desperate, frantic desire that came with a heat, then that’s what his alpha should give him.
His alpha.
Not partner, not spouse—his alpha.
My balls drew up and I shot, cum streaming out into the water that was pounding over me. As I forced my eyes open and reached for the soap, I couldn't decide how badly to hate myself. On one hand, all I could hear in the back of my head was society hammering away at me that what I’d pictured was wrong. That he was my boss made it even worse somehow.
But on the other, was it really so wrong to imagine giving him everything he wanted, even though I’d never be the alpha to give it to him?
I was so screwed.
5
Tanner
“Mr. Wright?”My head jerked up at the odd sound in Shane’s voice.