How did you know I was on my way home then?
His text had me trying to decide if I wanted to laugh or sigh.
I guessed. Duh. I figured at least 50/50 chance that one of you would chicken out.
He needed a hobby.
We’re taking it slow that’s not chickening out.
He didn’t like my answer.
So you did talk?
I gave up. I wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened.
Good night Eli
I got back a picture of a dog that seemed to be pouting. Roman needed to take his phone away.
At least tell me you guys are good???? I worry about him. He’s family and he’s been odd lately.
Damn it.
We’re good. Now no more!
At least not until I had a better definition of what our relationship was and would look like. Everything was a bit…confusing.
How much of a Dom was he? What kinds of questions would he have for me? Was he looking for a more lifestyle sub who wanted to submit all the time or something else? Would he expect me to know right away what I wanted? What would he think when I told him I didn’t have any…practical experience with submission? What would he think when he found out about the panties?
And then there was the biggest question…how in the hell would I be able to tell him everything about me when I couldn’t even come out and say I was a submissive?
Eli seemed to have taken the hint and just sent me a picture of flowers and hearts before going silent. I had a feeling they were his way of apologizing for going too far. I was surprised at how firm I’d managed to stay. Even a few months ago, I would’ve given in and told Eli what he wanted to know.
Smiling, I tossed my phone on the bed beside me and grabbed my tablet off the nightstand. As soon as I got to the internet, I logged into my blog and started typing out a new entry.
When I’d first started the blog I’d had one random person on the other side of the world who’d been following me, but it’d been enough. Just the fact that one person was listening to my fears and struggles had made me feel like I was stepping outside my safe but isolated world.
I wasn’t close with my family, and my friends over time had drifted away because I never moved past the shy, awkward stage with most people. The few I’d managed to keep were mostly through work, and I’d never felt safe telling them about all the crazy things that were in my head.
But with my online friends it was different—they understood.
My friends might be on the other side of the world, but when I needed someone to listen, they were always there. When I’d first typed out the words that I thought I might be a submissive, I’d gotten comment after comment of support. Some of my friends had understood my desire, and some had just been telling me to explore whatever made me happy, but they’d been there for me.
The first time I’d tried panties, they’d flooded the comment section of the post with dirty memes and sexy pictures of men they’d found online. Their support had made all the difference and had given me the confidence to slowly open up.
We went out on a date…
They were never going to believe it. As I wrote out the post about our date and how perfect it had been, I couldn’t stop smiling. I wasn’t sure if I was explaining it right, but as I typed out how he’d made me feel when he’d looked at me and had kissed me for the first time, my heart clenched and my cock started to harden again.
As I finished up the post, I couldn’t help but worry.
He said he’s going to send me questions since talking things out is hard. But what if my answers scare him off? If I answer him honestly, he’ll be the only person in my real life I’ve ever told everything to. What if he doesn’t like the real me?
****
I shouldn’t have checked my email before work on Monday.
I’d just never thought he’d send me a question before I’d started making coffee. As I stared down at my phone, I couldn’t decide what to do. Answering it before I was even completely awake seemed out of the question, but waiting all day would be torture.
