What was he offering? I knew by the way he was speaking that he thought what he was hinting at was clearer, but I wasn’t going to assume. Did he think that it wasn’t any use with only the handful of photos I’d pick from the shoot? It wouldn’t be the greatest start, but I’d made do with less.
Thankfully, Eli continued. “If you think we can make it work, I’d be willing to do another shoot with a similar theme or some kind of lifestyle theme for you to use in a portfolio book. Not online, mind you, just in person.”
“Thank you, and I want you to know that I understand privacy, Eli. The lifestyle is personal, and people don’t always understand.” Even after having everything blasted all over the internet and explained numerous times, some people in my family still didn’t get it.
He cleared his throat. “Everyone here knows who I am and what I do. I don’t hide it. However, my family is very conservative and wouldn’t understand. I realize that at some point they’re going to find out. Hell, if they googled me they’d probably come up with more information than I want them to know. But as of now, they’re in the dark, and I’d like to keep it that way for as long as possible.”
I would have loved to have been able to say my family didn’t know what I was doing. “That makes sense, and I wouldn’t violate your privacy. I could add a clause about the photos just being used in person to the contract to make sure that couldn’t change.”
Eli immediately started talking, the wheels in his mind already turning. “And that the photos couldn’t be sold without my permission…I’m not saying I don’t trust you, but if you get hit by a bus and your family inherits them and tries to sell them or something…Well, maybe I’m crazy, but—”
I broke in on the rambling worries that were starting to get out of hand. “No, the concern is valid. I’ll update the contract to state that the photos I take of you can’t be sold without your permission, and that they’re only for use in print for the purpose of illustrating the types of photos that can be taken in the new business.”
It would be limiting for me if the shit hit the fan between us again, but it was better than nothing. Once everything got off the ground, I could continue to grow my portfolio, but it would work for the time being. “Thank you for your willingness to take the photos.”
“Like I said, it’s kind of my fault. I didn’t realize the situation with your ex.”
Wincing, because I’d half-hoped that they hadn’t seen all the drama, I tried not to sound emotional. “Thank you. I should have asked more questions and not made assumptions.” And not reacted to every bratty thing that he’d done.
“Listen,” Eli sighed. “I don’t think doing this in the studio is a good idea. Permission and stuff isn’t the issue, but I don’t want an audience.”
I didn’t want an audience or to be arrested for trespassing. “My apartment is small, but I could make it work if you’re comfortable doing it here.”
“Small” really didn’t do the large closet I was living in justice, but someplace public wasn’t really an option with the kinds of photos I would be taking.
Eli’s voice sounded distracted, like he was thinking through the idea as he was talking. “We could do it here…I have a guest room that’s basically empty and would make a good neutral backdrop because other than painting an accent wall, there wasn’t much I had done to it.”
Was he talking about his place?
“Your apartment?”
“Well, house but yeah. I think there’s enough variety that we could do a few shoots if we want to. I have some props and things that would give the photos different looks. Then you should have enough for a full book. I think that would look more professional.” He sounded more businesslike than I’d ever heard from him, and it was almost startling.
“That would be fine.” It would be perfect, as long as his place was at least one or two steps above mine.
“Great. I have a lot going on this week, but I could either do next weekend…or I guess later this afternoon, if that would work.” Eli was starting to sound a little less sure, so I jumped in.
“I think today would be fine.” Glancing down, I winced at how rough I looked. “Um, let’s say two hours, if that works for you?”
“That’s fine.” Eli seemed relieved to have the decision made. “Do you have something to write my address down with?”
“One second.” After grabbing a piece of paper and jotting down the unfamiliar address, I said goodbye, and we hung up awkwardly.
It’d gone better than I’d expected, but somehow I was still disappointed.
I wasn’t sure what I’d been picturing, but the stilted conversation with a man who sounded like a stranger wasn’t it. Telling myself it had to be better than just screaming at each other, the words felt hollow.
Would it affect the pictures?
I pushed back the little voice that whispered the photos weren’t what I was concerned about. They were the only things that mattered. The passion that the anger generated made the original photos incredible; it was only natural that the lack of emotion in his voice would concern me.
If I could have gotten that shoot out of my head, everything would have been easier.
If I could have gotten the look on his face out of my head, it would have been perfect.
If I could have gotten the feel of my hands on his body out of my head, I might have been able to move on. But there wasn’t anything to move on from.
Forcing myself to walk away from the table, I headed for the bathroom. I needed clothes and to look like I hadn’t been living like a bum. I was not going to show up at his house looking like a teenager pining over an ex.
