I glanced at Eli. “Were you?”
I hadn’t read all the texts, but his enthusiastic nod made it seem like he’d been honest…very honest. I glanced back at Jake. “Knowing him, he was probably truthful.”
“So I take it you’re a bi, virgin when it comes to guys, submissive who isn’t bothered by what Houston likes and wants to see where it’s going?” Jake gave me a deadpan stare and just waited.
I shot daggers at Eli. “Way to overshare.”
“Thanks. You guys needed a push.” Then Eli shrugged. “In my defense, if you’d said something about the whole lingerie thing I’d have been more specific about that in the messages, so he wouldn’t have worried. This really is your fault for hiding important things from your friends.”
“This is not my fault, moron.” I shook my head. “What am I going to do? He was furious.”
“Not at you. Although, I wouldn’t bring Eli home with you anytime soon. And Andrew is in the shithouse too.” Jake didn’t seem to think it was as bad as I did, but he wasn’t going to be sleeping in his car.
Some of that must have shown on my face because he started talking again. “He’s really not mad at you. He thinks they blew his chance, and he wasn’t even ready to hint about whatever you guys have been dancing around. He’s gun-shy and some past shit with exes has made him overthink things.”
“I’m sorry, Reece. You liked the guy, but didn’t seem to be doing anything about it.” Eli might have been actually contrite, but I was too frustrated to care.
“Because I don’t want to live in my car, dumbass.” Why was that not more obvious to people? Breakups went bad, and I wasn’t going to be homeless because I couldn’t keep it in my pants for my hot roommate.
Eli shrugged. “You can live in the work apartments again. I’ll fix it with Preston.” That was not what I wanted to hear.
“Thanks, but I actually like my new place, and the roommate it came with. Houston was nice and clean and didn’t drive me nuts. Yes, I’m interested in him, and he’s hot as hell, but first of all, I had no way of knowing that he was into anything like BDSM.” My voice started to rise and we were beginning to draw an audience again, but I didn’t care. “I also had no way of knowing if the whole bi thing would bother him. I also had no way of knowing what kind of guy he was into. So forgive me for taking it slow and not doing anything stupid.”
“Well, for the record, he does like you, he is a Dom, and he would have taken things so slow you probably wouldn’t have ever kissed.” Jake shrugged. “So yes, he’s pissed, but if you like him, this is your chance. And it’s probably the only one you’re going to get, unfortunately. Andrew is sorry about that.”
Glancing over, I saw a dejected Andrew slouched over at the bar. He looked actually remorseful, unlike Eli. Eli was still convinced he was right, and that we’d all see it soon. There was a part of me that hoped he was right, but the realistic voice inside my head told me not to lie to myself.
Sleeping in my car was going to suck.
“There’s no way to know how he feels, guys. Yes, he’s pissed because they embarrassed him, and he’s clearly questioning his friends right now, because honestly, I am too. But that’s not enough to base anything on. He’s angry and hurt, and I’m really not sure I can even go home tonight. There is no way he’s into me now.” I was turning into a drama queen, but I hadn’t been ready to make a decision. There was nothing wrong with wanting more fucking time before I opened up to someone.
Jake leaned in, bracing his arms on the table so he was almost eye level with me. “He won’t hurt you.”
“I know that. But he’s not going to want me around.” And I wasn’t sure I wanted to see the rejection on his face.
I sounded pathetic and whiny, but I was feeling lost. It’d been so long since I’d been able to give up control to anyone, and the only person I’d met lately who just made me want to curl up his lap and let him do whatever he wanted was so angry I’d never get a chance.
“I’m being honest with you, Reece. I know we haven’t met that many times, but I’ve known him for years. He’s a good guy and a great Dom. From the gossip that I’ve heard,” Jake finally gave a quick grin, “Because I’ve never actually slept with the guy, he pays attention to what his subs want and need. He’s probably not going to turn everything off after you guys stop a scene. He’s just a bit more intense than that, but I know he noticed you, and that he was very curious about what you wanted.”
Jake let that sink in for a moment before he continued. “You thinking he’s attractive is a long way from really being into guys and a submissive. He’s reeling right now, and he’s going to shut down as soon as he gets control of himself. If you want to see where it could go, this is the only shot.”
I hated everything about this—how rushed it was…how much of it was landing in my lap…how everything was probably going to go terribly wrong. I took my time making decisions, and I wasn’t usually the second-guessing type. By the time I jumped into bed with someone or submitted, I knew what I wanted.
This was totally backward.
Did I want to go into something like that? Would it be worth it? It really would come down to…washeworth it? Was Houston worth putting myself out there like that and risking rejection? Sure, Eli said I could live in the apartments and not in my car, but there were so many other pieces it was impossible to all pick them all up and analyze them.
“Hannah, I’m ready to go home. Can you take me, or do I need to call for a ride? I’m fine either way.” Cab, Uber…walking, it didn’t matter at that point. I was done.
“Sure.” She reached out and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Let’s go. Eli?”
He sighed. “I’m coming. I’m sorry, Reece.”
“I know.” Sliding out of the booth, I waited for them to get out as well.
Jake took a step back and shrugged. “It’s up to you, but if you want him, or to even see where it goes, you have to do something now. If you wait even twenty-four hours, it’s going to be almost impossible.”
Fuck.
