Giving Calen a strained smile, Brent nodded. “That sounds good. The park is right around the corner and it’s well-lit enough that it isn’t a bad place to walk after dark.”
Reluctant to move, Calen finally climbed off Brent and reached out to help him up. “I’ll go put on my shoes and meet you at the door, okay?”
Brent leaned close and gave Calen another kiss. “Sounds good.”
As Brent walked towards the back of the house where his bedroom was, Calen forced himself to move to the front door. He trusted Brent. Even if it was a deal-breaker, they’d still be friends. It wasn’t like Calen was so far gone that being friends would be settling. It wasn’t like he was so into Brent that it would be miserable to be around him, and yet not be able to have him.
Sure.
Maybe he’d been going slowly, but by the time he got to the front door Brent was already coming down the hall. Shaking his head, he tried to lighten the mood. “Come on slow poke. Shoes on.”
With Brent standing there watching, Calen knew he had to at least appear more functional. Trying to push away his worries, he gave Brent a grin. “I got distracted thinking about what you might be doing back there.”
Brent shook his head like he wasn’t buying that line of bullshit. Calen didn’t blame him.
Within minutes, Calen had his shoes on and they were out the door. Brent lived in a trendy part of town with a mix of people so Calen didn’t even hesitate to grab his hand as they walked down the street. Brent took it easy on him and they walked for a while in silence, enjoying the evening.
Brent’s voice broke the quiet. “Back at the club, I thought it would be weird to kneel for you, even pretending.”
“Me too, but it wasn’t.” That was an easy place to start. “I was prepared for it to be awkward. But I was having a good time talking to you and wanted everyone to leave us alone.”
Brent squeezed his hand and made a noise like he agreed. “I pictured us laughing about it and treating it like it was some kind of gag, but it was completely different than I expected.”
“I never let myself think of you like that. You were a friend and co-worker, not someone to ogle or flirt with. It was the first time I really let myself see all of you.” They were still in the comfortable portion of the conversation but Calen knew the hard part was coming soon.
“Me too. I’d put you in that category of people who are friends and nothing more. I guess it was because you were Garrett’s friend first and then started working with him.” Brent was quiet for about half a block before he started talking again.
Calen looked at the houses and listened to the sounds of the night as Brent collected his thoughts. He wasn’t in any hurry to get to the more difficult parts of the discussion. Finally, Brent spoke again, softly and deliberately, like he was carefully measuring his words. “I liked how it felt to kneel for you. You were still my friend, but there was more. I’ve never had a relationship start like that. I’m a little wary of where this is going, but I do trust you. But I’m not sure what you want.”
That was easy for Calen to answer. He didn’t even have to pause. “I want a relationship with you. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about things since that night. It might seem like this is going fast, but taking our friendship this direction feels right.”
“Then what’s been holding you back?”
That was the million dollar question.
“I like being a Dom. I’ve always liked being in control in the bedroom and even outside of it when my sub needed more. I love that look in a submissive's eyes when they’re completely gone and are flying. Even something as simple as hanging out with you at the club that night when you were kneeling there was perfect.” That was all true, but Calen knew he owed it to Brent to be completely honest.
Brent seemed to understand there was more coming because he let them walk in silence as they entered the park. It was small, but there were lighted paths that wound through the trees, and Calen could hear people talking and laughing. All he wanted to do was to keep walking in silence but he forced himself to keep going.
“Every Dom likes different things, just like every sub does. That’s why you discuss limits and see where your kinks are compatible. Mine don’t always align well with most submissives. I’ve tried dating more traditional guys, but that never works out. They understand some things but my need to dominate makes them uncomfortable.” Calen paused, trying to figure out how to explain things, but he must have been quiet for longer than he thought because, after a little while, Brent squeezed his hand and interrupted his circling thoughts.
“So something about what you like is more aligned with vanilla guys but you still want a D/s relationship. Do I have that right?” Brent’s voice was even and cautious but Calen knew he had to be going crazy inside.
“Yes.”
“Are you comfortable telling me what it is? I’m pretty open-minded.”
There had to be a thousand strange things bouncing around in Brent’s head. He was probably worried that Calen wanted something completely off the walls. It wasn’t that crazy. It just wasn’t that usual for a Dom.
He trusted Brent. He had to remember that.
“Yes.” Then he took a deep breath and reminded himself it wasn’t like he was confessing something weird. He was overreacting. Hopefully. But he’d thought he was worrying over nothing the last time he’d had this conversation too. “I like topping during heavy scenes but most of the time I prefer to be the receptive partner. I’m still the Dom and still in control but I like bottoming more.”
It shouldn’t be that difficult to say. Men had this conversation all the time. But something about the BDSM scene made people assume that to be a Dom you had to top. Like the two things automatically went together. They didn’t.
Brent stopped walking for a heartbeat, but before Calen had to stop, he was walking again. He was so quiet Calen wanted to glance and see how he was taking it, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Some Dom he was. When Brent spoke, his voice was even and unemotional. “I’m betting someone you told had a very unpleasant reaction.”
“That’s an understatement.” Calen knew it came out sarcastic but he couldn't help it. But Brent’s words gave him enough confidence to finally look at him.
