My own heart still burns whenever I think about it, and I rub the heel of my hand against my chest.
“I’m so sorry, River.”
“So am I. For everything.”
The flare in her eyes tells me she understands I’m not just talking about my grandmother. “With the exception of Eli, Jude, and Oz I have lost everyone in my life. I would not survive losing you.”
Tears shimmer in Freya’s cloudy green eyes and I curse myself for making her cry.
“I never meant to hurt you,” I say again, “and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. If you’ll let me.”
Freya’s quiet for a short while. My heart beats in my ears, a heavy drum waiting for the verdict to fall. I don’t hear anything else until she finally speaks.
“Things will need to change,” she says. “You like rules, right?”
I dip my head. Rules were what kept me from going too far, from becoming like my parents. I just didn’t realize I could bend them so well before they broke. Never again though. Never again will I cross that line.
“I think we need some new rules. Ones we make together.”
I nod again. “Anything.”
“No locked doors. Ever.”
“Done.”
Freya lets out a breath, the tension shrugging off her shoulders. I hadn’t realized how worried she was I’d lock her up again until that moment and I feel like an idiot for not making that clear sooner.
“The bracelet stays on though,” I say, the silver band on her wrist shimmering in the candlelight. “I won’t check it all the time, but I need to be able to find you if something goes wrong.”
She purses her lips before nodding. “I can live with that. You can’t keep parts of the case from me, even if you think it will scare me or make me do something reckless.”
“I’ve never done that, and I never will.”
She nods and I tilt my head, analyzing her reaction as I lay out my next rule. “You need to tell me if I do something that triggers you. What I did is on me, and I take full responsibility for that, but if I’d have realized what it was doing to you, I would never have left you in there alone.”
Freya chews her bottom lip. “It’s not always that simple.”
She’s right, but I’ve thought about this. “I want you to have another safe word. One for the bedroom or anything physical, and another you can use if one of us does something to trigger you or if you’re struggling.”
“Star.” Her voice is strong, firm, and I can see her fighting to reclaim her power with it.
I keep my gaze steady. “You say ‘star’ everything stops. We’ll back off, give you space and time to communicate what it is you need. If you’re not sure what you need, I still want you to use the word. We’ll help you figure out what comes next.”
Freya’s gaze softens. I feel the shift in the air as the distance between us dissipates. I want to reach out and thread my fingers through hers, but I hold back. “Any more rules to add?”
She shifts on her cushion and my gaze tracks the way her body moves, the slight bounce of her tits and the long slender line of her neck. Now the tension from our fight has drained away an entirely different sort of tension thickens the air.
Freya must read my reaction because her pupils dilate, the green of her irises almost disappearing. “Just one more,” she says. “You have to at least try to trust that I’m not going anywhere.”
My chest hitches with such a desperate desire to believe her.
“I won’t promise not to run again because I know it won’t mean anything anymore, but I need you to know that whatever happens, I will always want you to find me.”
“And if a rule gets broken?”
Freya stands up, a deathly seductive smile on her face as she looks down at me. “I think you and I both know what happens if the rules are broken.”
My cock hardens but for once I ignore it. “I’m serious, Freya.”
