“Would it help if I told you he was gay?” Jude asks.
I work my jaw, determined not to let my emotions leak out. “Why would that help?”
Jude stares pointedly at where my hands grip the windowsill. “Your jealousy is showing, River.” He grins like a small child. “You like her. Despite your whole ‘she’s off limits’ rule.”
I cut him a look. “You mean the rule you’ve so flagrantly ignored?”
“Oh yeah? What happened in your office just now?”
“That’s not the same,” I deny. “It was an interrogation technique. Nothing more.”
Jude doesn’t answer and I turn away from the window to find him staring at me, his mouth parted in horror.
I close my eyes. “I may have miscalculated.”
Jude runs a hand over his afro. “Jesus fucking Christ. No wonder she looked so pissed. I know technically I’m the genius here, but you’d think even someone as emotionally stunted as you would realize seducing someone is not a morally okay way to get information.”
I tuck my hands into the pockets of my suit pants, so he won’t see them trembling. My voice stays cool. “Not pulling any punches I see.”
“You hurt Freya,” he snaps. “What do you expect?”
He’s right and the guilt sits like a bad meal at the bottom of my stomach. It’s the same feeling I’d get after my mum told me to knock on someone’s door and ask for help. The same prickling sensation on my neck and the same flush of shame as I’d ask to use their toilet only to unlock the window so my dad could break in later that night.
When my parents finally got walked away in cuffs, I told myself I’d never break another rule. I’d never manipulate or lie or con anyone ever again but that’s exactly what I just did to Freya.
She was right to be mad, and I need to take my own advice.
“I’ll apologize,” I say. “Freyaisoff limits. It won’t happen again.”
Jude shakes his head. “It never would have happened in the first place if you weren’t attracted to her. You like her but you’re trying not to because you don’t know how to trust.”
His words punch into me. “I trust you. And Eli and Oz.”
“Do you though?” Jude fiddles with one of the stones he keeps in his pockets, turning it over in his fingers. “You know everything there is to know about the three of us but Freya’s got secrets. She’ll share them when she’s ready. Until then you either trust her or you don’t.”
Outside, Freya places her hand on top of Luke’s. I wonder whether I can have him transferred. I make a mental note to deepen my research on him, then I turn to face Jude. “Are you done with the sage advice?”
“One more thing.” Jude nods towards the window. “The woman you’re so desperately trying to control just walked out of sight.”
I snap my gaze back to the window. Freya and Luke are gone. With her anklet on she can’t get far but I find I don’t like having her out of my sight.
I stride past Jude and head for the front door, thinking up an excuse I can use to get her back inside as I go.
Maybe Freya’s right. I am a control freak. But life is chaotic and unfair. If I don’t control it, everything will collide and I’ll be that lost little boy again, watching his parents get driven away in the back of a police car.
I won’t let that happen.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Freya
IT FEELS GOOD to see Luke again, like some sort of normalcy is returning to the crash course my life has become.
I wish we could just shoot the breeze for a while longer, but I don’t know how much time River will give us. “Did you bring it?” I ask.
Luke nods and reaches for his pocket.
A place my hand on his, stopping him. “Not here.” My eyes flick to the window. Even through the glass, River’s stare has goose bumps pricking my skin.
