River’s jaw clenches. “Yeah, that was when I called you a crazy whore, and I got my finger chopped off for it.”
My lips stretch out into a grin, cheek to cheek, and it hurts but I can’t stop myself. “Could have been worse. I could have told Uncle Slayer to go ahead and kill you.”
River stares at me. “Maybe he should have. Because I lost everything because of you. My future isgone. Did you know, my father gave his blessing for them to do that and worse? Not all of us have what you do. Not all of us have unconditional support. Not all of us can say ‘fuck the world’ and not have consequences.”
Somebody laughs, except of course that’s me, my voice, my laughter,and I don’t think anything is funny right now, so why the fuck did I laugh?
“You just said you didn’t want my support!” I say. “I was going to help you get back at the assholes who hurt you, River. We can still do it, if you stop being like this.”
“I didn’t want you to help me get back at them!” he shouts. “I wanted you to… to…” His voice drops, and he snarls, “I wanted you to be something you’re not.” He turns, stalking toward the door.
He’s going to leave me again.
“River!” I reach for him, my hand wrapping around his left wrist. “Don’t go. Whatever you’re thinking, we can get over it.”
River jerks his wrist from my grasp. “Of course you don’t know what I’m thinking. If you did, you wouldn’t be trying to stop me right now.” He storms off to the door.
I’ve seen this before.
River yelling at me, leaving, disappearing into the dark edges of my vision.
“Don’t!” I hiss. “You can’t! We’re perfect together!You’reperfect, so you can’t do this to me!”
“You really are a crazy whore,” he says cruelly. “If you think I’m ever going to stay. Go fuck Blaze and his bitch, let them cut you up and bruise you and whatever the fuck else they do to you. I’ll find out what happened to Rachel, and I’ll deal with it… Then you and I can haveourreckoning.” He laughs. “Assuming you don’t just call your parents to deal with me. But do me a favor? Have them kill me this time.”
My ribs crack, and cold rushes through me. The vacuum inside my chest pulls inward, inward, and I can’t breathe, I can’t see, my eyes are going blind and the only sound in my ears is the rushing of my gasping breaths.
I think I say something. Maybe I’m shouting, or begging, but River leaves all the same.
I try to follow him, except I don’t make it farther than the kitchen table before I step on glass and my legs crumble beneath me.
I don’t know how long I’m lying there, disintegrating, before Sam’s door opens.
She walks out and looks down at me.
“He broke up with you?” Sam asks, her eyebrows raised. “He could have waited until morning and not disturbed my sleep.”
I shake my head. “No. He’s not allowed to break up with me.”
I force myself into a sitting position. I look down at myself, and there’s no blood, no holes. My feet and legs are fine. My chest is entirely in one piece.
Sam makes an annoyed sound. “Just have your drama elsewhere next time.”
“It wasn’t drama,” I say steadily.
Because it wasn’t. River was being silly. He was sad because of his friend, and that’s normal. Natural. I was sad because of Rachel, but I got stronger from it, and I forgave River.
I forgive River this time too.
I get up and go back to my bedroom. I’ll do something nice for River, and he’ll forget about whatever dumb thoughts made him yell.
I find my charm, River’s three finger bones strung together, and kiss each one. This is proof that he’ll never leave me, that helovesme.
“Don’t worry, River,” I tell the bones. “I’m fine. I’m not petty like I was before.”
I’m really not. The old me would have wanted to kill River by now.
But since I’m more mature, I’ll settle for hurting the people who hurt River instead.
