I got up and pushed past him, suddenly not wanting to talk to him anymore. Why did he have to mention the fact he had kissed her? I had never felt jealousy until I got with her. She had no idea the effect she had on people; that sexy smile with the innocence radiating off her just killed me. I got out my phone and called her, but it went to voicemail. I threw my phone on my bed and wondered why I couldn't just move on to someone else. It used to be so easy; just fuck someone else. I wondered if that's what this was, sexual frustration. I knew it wasn't, but I was trying hard to come up with a reason I could accept. Us being different wasn't going to cut it, sorry, Annabelle.
Nineteen
Ever Again
Icouldn't concentrate, no matter how hard I tried.
How had I existed before Bailey?
I couldn't remember how not to care or stop thinking about him. I knew this was for the best, but that didn't make any of this a damn bit easier. The first few weeks in school had been hard, but I managed to avoid him for the most part. He still could make me breathless, like when we were in the cafeteria, and our hands accidentally brushed when we reached for the same bottle of soda. I almost dropped my tray had he not steadied me with his hand. I had nearly dehydrated that day, refusing to return to the coolers just in case he was there. Then there were the countless rumors I had to put up with—how he had cheated on me, dumped me, slept with me, then left me, and even that it was another bet. I knew from the look in his eyes that none of it was true, and I felt so desperately sad for him.
I walked out of school on Friday afternoon and decided to head straight for the beach; I needed to clear my head. Ray dropped me off, and I breathed in the salty air gratefully, my head clearing as I stared at the ocean, feeling somewhat grounded. Something about the open ocean made me almost humble, reminding me that there was more to the world than my problems, however significant they seemed. I strolled along the shoreline, the wind blowing my hair away from my face as I gazed ahead. I felt my stomach drop when I saw Bailey standing before me, staring into the ocean, his hands jammed in his pockets as the wind whipped his hair.
"Talk about cliches," I called as I neared him. His head moved around to me, his eyes wide when he saw me walking towards him, a smile playing on his lips. He turned toward me as he waited for me to reach him. My heart beat wildly as he gazed at me, swallowing hard as I came to a stop in front of him. Our eyes met, and I dropped my gaze to the sand; I couldn't maintain eye contact with this man.
"Apparently, you dumped me because I wasn't very good in bed," I mumbled with a feeble attempt at humor.
His steely gaze didn't falter as he nodded slowly.
"Yeah, I heard that one too."
I laughed nervously, and I stared out at the ocean.
"I heard what you did that night. You didn't have to."
"I did. I should have done it sooner; you were right. They are pathetic." He stared out at the ocean, then kicked at the sand, his hair flopping into his eyes again. I watched him with a desire I thought had abandoned me, but the urge to reach out and touch him overrode any rational thoughts in my mind.
"Did you get into trouble?" I asked, my heart hammering in my chest as he looked at me with those baby blues.
"Nah. He didn't press charges. Probably because he knew he deserved it. It's good to see you, Annabelle." His voice sent tingles all over my body as I walked closer to him, his scent bringing back flashbacks of our heated make-out sessions. I reached up slowly to move his hair away from his eyes as he turned his head to kiss my hand, his hand on mine. I gulped as he closed his eyes, holding my hand to his mouth. The wind whipped around us as we stood like that for what felt like an eternity.
"I miss you," I said as he opened his eyes to see me standing closer, my hand reaching out for him awkwardly.
"You did this," he said sadly, and I stared at the ground, my hand dropping to my side. He let my other hand go, and I felt sick with nerves as he turned back to the ocean, creating a distance between us that I didn't want or need.
"I know, and I did it for the right reasons. It doesn't make it any easier, though," I said defensively.
"I'm glad you are ok. I've got to head back." He forced a smile as he went to walk away, and desperation rippled through my body as I called out to him to wait. He stopped, his posture slightly deflating as I hurried after him, my hand lacing with his as my heart beat erratically.
It was now or never.
"Bailey, I have to tell you something."
He gripped my hand as though it was a lifeline; his jaw clenched as he turned to me, the breath leaving my body when I saw the hope in his eyes. I swallowed and took a deep breath as I wobbled with fear of saying the wrong thing.
How do you tell someone you love them when you have broken their heart?
He studied me as I struggled to find the words, opening and closing my mouth.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but you were right. I did fall for you." As I spoke, he searched my eyes, a smile playing on his lips.
"Yeah? So what are you saying?"
The bastard was going to make it difficult for me.
"I love you." I blurted out as he blinked. I don't think he expected me to say it so quickly, if at all; his eyebrows raised as he exhaled slowly.
"You know, Annabelle, I love you too. Even though you have nearly killed me these past few weeks, I really fucking do."
