“Thank you, Dad.”
Immediately I wanted to bolt to Cal's house, in my pjs, barefoot. I needed him so much I felt like I was gradually dying inside.
Dad patted my arm and kissed my head. “Please Gretchen, don't ever do that to us again.”
I squeezed him tightly and nodded. “I won't.”
Chapter Twenty-One
GRETCHEN
That winter was the longest I’d ever known.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and that time heals all wounds. I wasn’t entirely sure which applied to me, if any. I’d been trying to move forward, but it felt like I was doing it with a rock attached to my back.
My dreams were so vivid, so painfully real, bringing intense joy and comfort, then shattering upon waking. I sometimes thought I saw Cal in crowds of people—I have since read that this is a form of a coping mechanism; the brain comforting us in a time of extreme grief or sadness.
Because that is what this feels like, like he has died.
I walked past his house every day, which was always empty. No sign of life, but there’s no for sale sign either. I’ve knocked on, peered through windows. I’ve sat on the porch and sobbed like a madwoman, but still, nothing.
How could he just leave me?
I can only imagine he had no choice, and thatterrifiesme.
I’ve found it easier the past few months; I had started ice skating again. I read more, and I spent more time in my room.
I recently got accepted to the college I wanted.I should have been elated—my parents certainly were.
Nothing held any excitement for me anymore. I knew it sounded maudlin, but I never felt like I did when I was with Cal.
The end of the school year loomed, which inevitably brought prom, but I’d decided I wouldn’t be going. The last time there was a dance was the happiest day of my life—how could I put myself through that again?
I had, however, promised to go dress shopping with Rosie and Sienna.
So, this was where I found myself, in the mall, waiting by the doors impatiently. I watched an elderly couple laughing together as they walked past me, a private joke only they would understand. The familiar pang in my chest arrived, and I breathed through it deeply.
The one good thing about my new college was its location—it wasn’t anywhere near Winterburg, and I didn’t know anyone who was going there.
I noticed Rosie walking towards me, drawing approving glances from a group of guys from the year below us as they called out to her.
Jeans that look like someone had sprayed them on encased her slender frame, with a cropped long-sleeved shirt; her skin glowed and her eyes shone. She giggled with excitement as she walked up to me and pulled me into an enormous hug.
“Hey girl! How are you? I can’t wait to pick my dress! Thank you so much for being here with me, I know it must be hard for you,” she stuck her bottom lip out in an attempt at humour, presumably to lighten the mood.
I plastered a fake smile on for her benefit while taking her arm. “Do you have a color in mind?”
We linked arms as we walked into the mall, the stores all showcasing their most beautiful dresses in the windows.
“Yes, and no. I was thinking, gold? Or maybe red? Like a dark red, obviously.”
She wandered over to look at a dress, and I spotted Sienna in the distance.
“Sorry I am late,” she said breathlessly. “How are you, Gretchen? I’m so glad you’re here today. I need a green dress. Emerald green.”
I held my hands up, laughing. “Okay, let’s see if we can get you both ready for the ball!”
Sienna peered at me sadly. “I can’t believe you aren’t coming, Gretchen. So many boys would have loved to take you!”
