Twila busted out laughing. “Because it is!”
“Well, I don’t think so.” I was beginning to feel annoyed.
Twila smacked my arm. “Of course you don’t, you ass! Ugh, I am so glad someone else said it! Maybe now you’ll realize the band’s reputation isn’t worth you hiding who you are. I mean, damn. Do you really think the rest of us can’t handle ourselves?”
I furrowed my brows. “I never said that. I just know if I come out and tell the world I love a man, the world wouldn’t accept me or anyone associated with me. People look down on anyone who’s different, who loves differently, like loving someone outside their written norm is a sin or wrong.”
“It’s not wrong. It’s beautiful, Kash. And what you and Motley have is beautiful. Who cares what the rest of the fucking world thinks? We love you. Your family loves and accepts you. And I know there are plenty of people out there who would feel the same! And so what if we lose some money or gigs? Being rich and famous is empty and pointless if you can’t proudly share it with the ones you love. And wealllove you. Both of you. So stop hiding, step into the light, and sing your love for everyone to hear. Because it is beautiful.” Twila squeezed my hand. I tried to not cry, but my eyes swelled with tears. “Baby,” she whimpered. “Please don’t cry.”
I wiped my eyes and sighed. “You really think the world would accept me? The real me?”
Twila smiled. God, she was so beautiful. “I do. And I think it’s time to stop letting this fucked up world define you and your happiness. Stop carrying that burden and fear of what will happen to the rest of us and just be free.” Twila kissed the top of my hand.
The two of us sat there on the bench and listened to the nightlife. We were a ways from the motel, not far from where I had ended up with Motley a while back. Twila leaned against me, and I held her close as I tried to keep her warm and just enjoy her presence. It was a relief to be able to exist in the same space as her with nothing hidden between us. No more secrets, no more lies, and no more hiding. Just me and her.
“So.” Twila played with my fingers. “What are you going to do about the police? They seem to be obsessed with arresting Motley.”
My head fell back, and I stared up at the night sky. “I won’t let them. I won’t let them have him.”
She sat up and also looked up at the night sky. “I know, baby. But I don’t think there’s any other way.” She sighed. “I’m glad no one saw you, but you two were the only ones there. No one else knows what happened that night.” Her words sparked a thought in my mind, and I shot from the bench. “Kash? You okay?” I spun around as the whole thing played out in my head. “Kash?”
“I’m sorry—I just. I need to make a call.”
Please work.
FOURTEEN
KASH
Twila brushedthe neon eyeshadow across my lids before she gently blew the excess away. We had both felt this immense sense of relief since I told her everything the night before. It was as if we really truly saw each other for who we really were. It was a sense of safety and support I had never experienced before, aside from Motley. Twila picked up a small vial of glitter and dabbed her finger into it before tapping it across my cheekbones. Something about her was different. I wasn’t sure if it was the new freeness between us or the way she was dressed, but she was…glowing. A beautiful goddess. God, I loved her.
Twila tilted her head and smiled at me. “What’re you thinking about?”
I felt bashful. “Just how beautiful you are.” Twila’s cheeks burned almost as red as her lips. A deep sense of guilt twisted in my gut. She had no idea, none of them did, but tonight would change everything. Forever.
Twila stood, and I grabbed her hand. “Thank you.”
“For what?” she asked.
My smile grew. “For being my safe place. For accepting me. Everything.” I kissed her hand. “I love you, Twila.”
Twila tilted her head again, and her eyes watered. “I love you too, baby.” I watched her eyes move as the sound of the dressing room door opened. She flashed a bright grin at whoever it was as they walked closer. She was definitely glowing.
“Am I interrupting?” I should've known it was Motley.
Twila shook her head as her blonde hair bounced around her face. She then kissed my head and whispered into my ear. “Remember what I said last night? Now is your chance. Be free, baby.” She turned to face Motley. He smiled back, and the two hugged. There was a new layer of familiarity between us all now, this connection and pull we’d all felt since that night. It was oddly comforting. “Go easy on him, okay?” Twila kissed Motley’s cheek and exited the dressing room.
The two of us sat there in an awkward silence, waiting for the other to speak. You could hear the crowd in the distance as they chanted and waited for the band to step out on stage, and I knew we didn’t have much time left. So, I took a deep breath and decided to do what Twila said and stop running. It was time for me to open myself up and face the music.
I ran my fingers through my hair. “I’m sorry for standing you up last night, Motley.” He crossed his arms and didn’t speak. Great, the silent treatment. “I know it looks bad, but I promise it’s not. Twila and I were just?—”
“Twila?” Motley scoffed. “Kash, do I need to be worried about her? I mean, are you wanting to be with her over me?” I could hear the pained fear in his defensive voice.
“No!” Fuck. “Motley, that’s—that’s not what I meant!” I shot from the chair and rushed to him. “Twila found me last night, and wejusttalked. That’s it! There’s nothing going on between us, Motley. You know that.”
Motley shook his head. “I don’t know, Kash. You’ve been acting off these past couple days and every time I turn around, you're with her. You say you two broke up, but it’s not really feeling that way. And I don’t like being used. If I’m just a plaything to you, then be a man and fucking say it. Stop playing games with me.” Motley turned to leave, but I grabbed his arm. He tried to brush me off, but I was too stubborn. Too determined to set things right before it was too late. I needed to clear the air and fix things with him now. It was my last chance, and I wasn’t going to lose him over something so fucking stupid.
As Motley tried to leave, I gripped his arm and spun him to face me. His blue eyes burned into mine, his stage makeup making them pop against his darker skin tone and orange hair. God, he was so fucking beautiful. I wanted to burn this image of him into my mind to look back on and never forget what it felt like to gaze up at a god.
