He stopped with his back facing me. “I’m going back to my room. I suggest you get back to your girlfriend before she begins to wonder where you went. Wouldn’t want her to find you out here with me.”
“Motley.” I stood and walked to him. “Don’t be mad at me. You think I like this anymore than you do?”
He turned to face me. “You’re the one who gets to love and be loved, all while Twila sits in the dark, and I watch from behind. You get to be with whoever you want while we wait on your beck and call. You’re the one in control here, making all our decisions to best serve yourself. So you tell me. ‘Cause from where I’m standing, you’re the only one who gets to walk that line between us both. And truthfully, you don’t seem to be suffering that badly.” Well, that hurt. Motley dropped his head as if he realizedhow his words stung. “Fuck, I’m not mad. I’m just…I’m tired, Kash.”
My hands carefully wrapped around his body, and I rotated him to face me. Motley sighed as I pulled him close. “Hey.” I lifted his chin. “Just give me a little more time, okay? I promise I won’t keep you hidden forever.”
Motley looked into my eyes. He then touched my face and pressed his forehead against mine. I placed my hand over his and closed my eyes as we stood there together, the way it should be. “If I need to wait, I will. I’ll always wait for you, Kash.” I exhaled with relief. “I just wish you’d stop hiding who you are for the sake of everyone else. You don’t need to carry that weight.”
“Yes, I do,” I whispered. I could hear the pain in my own words.
Motley kissed the top of my head. “I wish you could see yourself as I see you.” He then looked down at me and smiled. “You’re too good for this world, songbird.”
No. If anyone was too good for this world, it was Motley.
EIGHT
MOTLEY
Carmen,Kash, and I had been rehearsing all damn day. We had this new set we were working on and wanted to ensure we had it all down and perfect before tomorrow’s performance. But, seriousness aside, we were also all goofing around. I mean, we couldn’t help ourselves. Things had been surprisingly laid back the last couple days and everyone seemed to be enjoying their time. Carmen was fully healed but still taking it easy while spending some extra time with her son when she could. And Kash had split his time equally between Twila and me. It was a weird but decent routine we had all grown accustomed to. Our own happy, twisted little family.
Truthfully, Kash and I had all but damn near forgotten what happened with Guy in the woods. He was overly paranoid for a bit, but eventually he chilled out, and I think he realized we were safe. I personally had been pretty relaxed myself, but I wasn’t even worried about Guy. I never was. I was worried about Xavier and what he would do if he ever found out about me and Kash, orif he already knew. What would he do to us? Would he hurt all of us? Fuck. All of it fucking terrified me.
“Hey! Hey, Kash!” Ducky walked in, his usual smile turned upside down as he interrupted our rehearsal. We all stopped playing and watched while he waddled over to Kash’s side. They exchanged a few aggressive whispers before Kash stomped his foot, placed his guitar down, and followed Ducky off stage. “We’ll be right back,” Ducky shouted over his shoulder.
“What the fuck is that all about?” Carmen asked. I shook my head while twirling my drumsticks. “Yeah, well, whatever it is, it can’t be good. Ducky never just barges in during rehearsals like that.” She made a good point. “Ooooooo, I bet Kash is in trouble!” She laughed. “Hey.” She snapped her fingers and pointed in their direction. “You’re pretty fucking quiet—why don’t you go eavesdrop? See if you hear what’s going on.”
“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult.” I laughed. My fingers continued to twirl the drumsticks.
Carmen rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, just do it! I know you’re just as curious as I am.”
She wasn’t wrong. “Fine, I’ll go listen. But if I get caught, your ass is going down. I’ll tell them both how this was all your idea.”
Carmen laughed. “Yeah, whatever. Go on, blame me. Ducky won’t believe a word you say, drummer boy.” I jokingly flipped her off, and she returned the gesture as she grinned. “Now, hurry up!” I waved her off and followed the direction the two men had ventured as I silently played with my drumsticks.
The backstage halls were both dark and empty during rehearsals, making it easier to creep around without being seen. I turned a few corners and peeked my head into a few empty rooms while I searched for them until I heard the sounds of Ducky and Kash’s voices. They sounded like they were arguing, which was odd. With as much stealth as possible, I carried on until I was standing a few feet outside Ducky’s office door. Thedoor was cracked as a sliver of warm light leaked out into the dark hall along with their voices. My body straightened against the wall as I listened closely to their loud conversation.
“I’m telling you, Ducky! I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about!” Kash sounded like he slammed his fist into something. He was obviously upset. But it wasn’t his temper that surprised me. It was Ducky’s.
Ducky’s voice was frustrated and annoyed. It was completely out of character. “Oh really? Then how do you explain all these calls I’m getting from the police down near that campsite, huh? Asking questions about all our whereabouts.”
Campsite? Fuck. Did Ducky know? Did the police know? But why were they asking questions?
“I’m telling you, Kash, if you know something, you need to tell me! I can’t protect you if you lie to me!” The color drained from my face.
“I’m not fucking lying!” Kash was furious. “Motley stayed outside the camper all night after I told him to fuck off! And I slept in the woods just outside the camper and that’s it!” It fell silent. Fear and anxiety crept up my spine, and I was worried they might be able to hear my heart beating with how fast it was going. “Come on, Ducky,” Kash groaned. “Do you really think any of us could do something like this?”
Ducky sighed. “All I know is the police wouldn’t be up my ass if they didn’t have something, Kash. You better hope, for all our sakes, that whatever this is, it’s just some routine bullshit. I’ll take the heat if I need to, but Kash, you have got to be honest with me. I can’t protect you if I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not just your manager, I’m a part of this family too. We look out for each other. All of us. So if you haveanythingyou need to tell me, now is the time.”
Kash didn’t speak, and I hung onto that gripping silence. Part of me wanted him to confess to what he had done, but I knewhe wouldn’t. Not to protect himself, but to protect me. And I hated myself for it. God only knows how much stress my mistake must’ve weighed on him. He didn’t deserve to carry it alone.
“Kash?” Ducky pressed him.
The other part of me wished he’d reveal our secret and tell Ducky all about us. But my reasoning behind that was a bit more selfish.
“No,” Kash whispered. “I have nothing else to say except fuck those cops. None of us had anything to do with what happened out there.”
Damn it, Kash.
