I think he saw me last night. Really saw me. Instead of running, he stayed. That’s what’s messing me up the most.
The second he wakes up, he’ll decide it was just a onetime thing. Just a showmance gone too far. I will be the punchline.
My mouth twists like I’ve eaten something bitter.
This feeling? This is the reason I haven’t ever slept with anyone.
The sheets rustle behind me. A hand slides across my back to my hip, pulling me gently backward.
Ryan’s voice is low, still rough and sleepy. “Hey. Where’d you go?”
I hate myself more than I can say, but I automatically collapse back into bed. Tears prick my eyes. I have to take a deep breath to control myself.
“Just say it,” I whisper.
“Say what?”
“Say that you think it was a mistake,” I answer. “I know you do.”
The words scald my throat on the way out, bitter and humiliating. I hate how small I sound. How hopeful.
I brace myself for the dismissal. For the part where he shrugs and says,cool story, kid. Because that’s what always happens. I expect him to act like I’m lucky to be noticed at all.
He puts his finger under my chin and tips my face toward him. “What are you talking about?”
His touch is gentle. Too gentle. Like I might shatter. Which is ironic, since I’m already shattering inside.
I shake my head. “You don’t have to pretend. I get it. It got heated. We got caught up in it. Now you’re…”
“Wren, stop.” His palm rests on my chest, just above my heart. “Breathe.”
I suck in a deep breath, but it doesn’t seem to help. His big body shifts so he’s half on his side, but half holding me down with one thigh.
“Stop deciding how I feel before I’ve even had coffee,” he teases. His voice is gentle.
I let out a strangled laugh. His lips twitch with humor, but he sounds perfectly calm as he says, “We slept together. That’s not something I take lightly. Well, not with you, at least.”
I mumble, “But you basically hate me.”
He looks as shocked as if I had just slapped him. “You think I could hate you?”
“You’ve said worse.”
“I’ve said stupid shit because you get under my skin,” he says. “But hate you? No. Never.”
I press my lips together. I thought for sure that I knew how Ryan felt about me. Now uncertainty claws at my belly.
We lie there for a few beats. Then he mutters, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or feel right now. Should I sneak over to your brother’s house and break in? Let him punch me in the face when he finds out I slept with you?”
I roll my eyes, even though my throat is still tight. “God, no.”
Ryan’s hand comes up to my face and he brushes several strands of my hair back. “I don’t want to do that. I want to stay here. I want you to stay here with me, in bed all day.”
Last night we broke the rules. Maybe we should just keep breaking them. For today, I mean.
My breath hitches. He might think what we did was a mistake, but he doesn’t seem overly ashamed or anything.
I lick my lips and ask, “Can we fuck again?”
