I freeze. How the hell would he know that?
I try to look casual. “Oh yeah?”
He nods. “I’m not worried about it or anything. I know this is all just for TV. You’ll keep it professional. But it’s clear to me that she’s still into you. Actually, I should’ve known the first second I saw you guys in the same location and she wasn’t yelling at you.”
I roll my eyes to disguise my true feelings. “Yeah, I think that’s just down to being stuck in the same room all day, every day for the better part of a month. I wouldn’t give it much thought.”
“Well, you know,” he says, “just treat her gently. You may not have feelings for her, but I don’t know. She’s never really had a boyfriend or anything. I’m worried that she’ll just fixate on you. She’s not like the types of girls you usually mess with. She’s quiet. She’s delicate. She’s been through a lot more than you know. More than people think.”
I can’t quite bring myself to disagree with that sentiment, so I just nod. Jay’s told me I’m reckless before. He didn’t say it like a joke. And now that I’m starting to care, I finally understand what he meant.
“Anyway.” Jay claps me on the shoulder and then takes another draw of his beer. “Maybe this job will help Wren come out of her shell. Meet someone her own age. You know, someone less you-coded.”
I swallow hard. I sure as hell hope that’s not what’s coming down the pipe for us. “Sure. That’d be good,” I answer.
“Come on. What are these producers thinking, anyway?” Jay shakes his head. “Pairing you and Wren up? That’s a disaster waiting to happen.”
“Yeah, uh… total disaster,” I agree.
My stomach feels like a black hole.
A few minutes after we finish the beers, Jay leaves me on the balcony. I sit there. I stare out into the sunset, thinking about the way Wren looked at me when Jay called me a perpetual ghost. It was like she suddenly wasn’t sure about me. She had to do the math. Figure out whether I was worth the risk.
Honestly, she probably should stay away. I should definitely push her away. But all I want is to touch her again, to hear her moan in my ear, to watch her fall apart just for me.
That might be the problem. The worst part? I don’t even want to stop. I just want her.
nineteen
WREN
Week four is officially over.ThankGod. The rose ceremony was incredibly tense, with Ryan sending a highly dramatic Mei home.
I’mwiped.
The camera pans toward me and my brain short-circuits. Should I smile? Wave? God, why am I like this? I cross my arms and pretend to be fascinated by a potted plant.
What I am not doing is staring at Ryan while he talks quietly to Raven. The way he touched her elbow shouldn’t matter. But it does. God, I hate that it does.
“That’s a wrap for today!” an EP calls. The scene froths with lighting techs and sound guys all suddenly moving heavy equipment.
The next day is scheduled to be a rest day, so I’m out the door before Elena can even say another word to me. I am completely exhausted. Not just from the show, which, let’s be honest, sleeping in a room with other girls is not conducive to getting eight solid hours of sleep at night. Divya snores like a madwoman. Raven murmurs in her sleep.
By the time I’m dropped off at Jay’s house in greater Georgia, I’m dragging. I thank my driver and pull the strap ofmy overnight bag over my head as I walk up to Jay’s house. Strangely, it’s dark inside. I see no lights. When I try the front door, it’s locked. They might be out getting a bite to eat or something.
Shit. I don’t have my keys. I dump my purse out on the ground, searching through pens and crumpled napkins and loose Tums. Yeah, my purse is gross. And it doesn’t have my keys.
I swing around and fumble for my cell phone, ready to call Jay. I wasn’t exactly expecting to have the day off and now I’m locked out of his house. I try Jay’s phone, but it goes straight to voicemail.
I can’t summon the energy to figure this out right now. I look up the street and think about what I should do. I could head for Java Monkey, our local coffee shop, and shovel cake in my face while I plot my next move. I guess that’s what tonight is going to have to be.
As I step off the porch, I see a car coming down the street. It pulls in at Ryan’s house and the lights flash. I don’t know what that’s about exactly. I stare as I cross the sidewalk behind the car.
Ryan gets out and looks at me, his face crinkling. “What’s going on?” he asks.
“Nothing, exactly,” I say, gesturing to Jay’s house. “I’m locked out of the house…” I let my sentence trail off.
“So where are you going?” Ryan asks.
