But even as I said it, I picked up the visa document. It was a letter from a French official approving my supposed application. All I needed to do was bring it to the appropriate office with my passport, and they would take my biometrics and place the visa sticker in there. Whatever else was a lie, this was real. The rest, I might manage on my own one day, through a loan from a family member or just through hard work.
The visa, though, would give me the ticket to a new life I could still create on my own.
“France is where I found myself before,” I said, my voice stronger now. “I’m sure I’ll find myself again after you’re gone.”
Lucas’s strong features crumpled. “Marie?—”
“Get out.” I stood back and pulled the sheet tighter around my naked body, the visa document clutched in my free hand. “Take Daniel and go. Get out of this room so I can get dressed and leave. And then, I want you to get out of Paris. Get out of my life. Please.”
It was the last time I would ever beg him for anything.
Lucas’s dark gaze trailed over me one last time, as if to brand me with his need. His desire. Maybe even his love.
One last time.
Then, as if on autopilot, he finished getting dressed and found a pair of shoes, then lugged a slumbering Daniel off the couch and toward the door.
There, Lucas paused. “Take the rest. It’s all yours, whether you want it or not.
I wouldn’t. I knew that.
But I didn’t say so. Lucas Lyons didn’t deserve my thoughts anymore.
He seemed to know it too.
The door fell shut behind them, closing hard on the future I’d so briefly imagined. A love I’d barely known.
I sank onto the bed and gave myself exactly five minutes to fall apart before I picked myself up, got dressed, and left this world of riches behind.
In a way, it was a relief.
Deep down, I knew I’d never belonged there anyway.
35
FRIED ARTICHOKE HEARTS
*fresh herbs take the batter from good to personal.
The hinges on the metal gate creaked as I dragged my two enormous suitcases into the front yard of Lea’s little blue house in Belmont. I’d just been dropped off by Lawrence, the driver from Prideview, where I had stayed about twenty-four hours following my return from Paris—long enough to gather my things, submit my official resignation with Winnifred Lyons, and bid Ondine goodbye.
Autumn had arrived in New York while I’d been gone. The first days of October had brought cooler weather, and there was just enough chill on the breeze that the day merited one of my old cardigan sweaters over my jeans and fitted black T-shirt. It was good to be back in Belmont again, with the familiar streets and shops that I’d grown up with, even if I felt completely changed.
“Aunt Marie!” Tommy wrenched open the front door, then, to my surprise, wrapped his gangly arms around my shoulders with surprisingly fierce intensity.
“Hey, kiddo,” I said, returning the hug. “I think you grew some more in the last month. You’re taller than me now.”
“Yeah, Ma says I’m gonna be taller than her by Christmas,” he said as he stood back and fixed his Yankees cap. It was the same one his dad used to wear. “Are you going to stay with us?” he asked as I stepped inside. “Ma said you can if you want to.Please. She’s driving me nuts.”
He looked at me hopefully with a face that was a carbon copy of his father’s, God rest his soul. He even wore the same quiet sadness that Mike used to wear like a mask, complete with dark circles under his deep green eyes and the hint of bruising at his jaw from another recent fight.
I ruffled his black hair, just like his mother’s.
Maybe it was a good thing Lea was thinking of leaving the city for a quieter life.
“I’m not sure,” I said as we brought my suitcases inside. “Right now, I’m just here to store my things and make Sunday dinner. And say hi to you, of course.”
Lea appeared from upstairs, carrying a basket of laundry. MJ and Pete were on the sofa, glued to some cartoon, while Lupe sat in front of them on the carpet, happily babbling as she stuffed each of the rooms of her Barbie playhouse full of GI Joes.
