“She adores Luce. The first time Lucy smiled at her after the heart surgery, Sofia burst into tears and told me it was the best thing that had ever happened to her.”
Lucy had been born with a heart defect that had required surgery when she was just two months old. It had been successful, but the early weeks had been touch and go. I’d taken the train from Paris to help that weekend and stay with Sofia, but it hadn’t been easy for any of us. Them, because they had a sick newborn, of course. Me, because I went from an existencebetween my apartment and the culinary school to taking care of a four-year-old and escorting her around a strange city.
We made it as far as this park and a grocery store. Thankfully, that was about all Sofia was willing to do under the circumstances.
“I still can’t believe you had to go through that with a newborn,” I said.
“The worst eight hours of my life. Xavi held it together for all of us.” Frankie’s voice softened. “He stayed at the hospital for three days, sleeping in a chair beside Lucy’s crib, and then he’d go home to Sofia so I could be with Luce during the day.”
We spotted a cart selling drinks near the Diana Memorial. The vendor, a cheerful woman with paint-stained fingers who looked like she might be an artist between customers, recommended the lavender lemonades for the early September heat.
“Don’t you…don’t you ever worry?” I asked as we found a bench overlooking the water, where swans glided past with a regal indifference that seemed uniquely British. “That it will go back to the way it was between you and Xavier?”
“You mean like him being unaware his daughter and I were living on Matthew’s stairwell for almost four years? No, can’t say that I do.”
“I don’t mean like that. I mean…well, don’t take this the wrong way, but you and Xavier seem like such opposites.”
Frankie laughed, a quick shout. “That’s putting it mildly.”
“So you don’t think it’s an issue?”
“It’s an issue. It’s also kind of fun. We complement each other, challenge each other, and bring balance to each other’s lives. I’m not saying it’s easy, but no, I don’t worry it’s going to become our demise.” She chuckled. “I thought he was an arrogant ass when he first came back around. Cold, controlling, completely wrong for me and Sofia.”
“But now?” Obviously, I didn’t know him like she did, but I’d never gotten a different version of Xavier Parker.
“Now I know he’s an arrogant ass who loves us desperately.” Her smile was private, clearly thinking of things that were not appropriate for me to hear. “Xavi shows love through actions, not words. It took me a while to understand that. Like, when he brought Joni to Paris last spring to see you. Did he even ask any questions about that?”
“No, they just appeared one day. Joni was a wreck.”
I thought about Xavier, who, at a moment’s notice, had flown Joni from New York to my Paris apartment when she was falling apart over Nathan. He’d been brusque but kind to both of us. We’d even bonded over the knife techniques I was learning at the time, and when I graduated last month, he sent me my gyuto.
“Or when he puts Sofia’s needs before his own comfort. When he gets up for night feedings without being asked. These are the ways he says ‘I love you.’ As a single mom, I learned quick that actions are more trustworthy than words anyway. I know without a doubt that my husband would do anything for his family. For me.”
My mind ventured to the Lyons brothers. I thought about the sweet things Daniel had said when he first saw me. The compliments, the words laced with intentions. Followed by drunken kisses, missed calls, and fewer and fewer attempts to connect.
And then, there was Lucas, who, in his own quiet way, turned out to be just as complimentary. But he also did things like guide me through a new park just to put me at ease or reserve a whole ryokan an hour out of his way just so I would be in a less overwhelming place to explore.
His touch, too, was thoughtful. He guarded my body, my innocence. My pleasure was his own.
Then I thought about the way he ran out of our shared room like a scared rabbit.
I scowled. That wasn’t thoughtful at all.
That just hurt.
“What happens if you lose it?” I asked. “What happens if this whole beautiful life comes crashing down? I don’t mean to be a downer, but?—”
“But it’s possible,” Frankie conceded. “Our family has been through too much not to be exquisitely aware of that potential.”
I nodded. At least she understood what I was trying to say.
“It’s not like I haven’t thought about it. But, Marie, I’ve thought about some version of that every day since I had Sofia.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “You don’t become a parent without those kinds of worries, babe.”
“Yeah, but?—”
“Honestly, Marie, even if the worst happens, God forbid, and I lose Xavier or the girls somehow like Lea did with Mike…”
She drifted off, and I knew what she was thinking. What we both were thinking about our oldest sister and the shadow of herself she’d become since losing her other half.
