“Nuh-uh. This is so much more interesting—”
“Are we talking about how Deck wants to throw Cori down on the bed and do dirty, dirty things to her?” Marcus asked, coming in from outside.
“What!?” I squawked.
Britta gave me asee, I told you solook, crossing her arms gleefully.
“Oh, he definitely does.” Marcus waggled his eyebrows. “The air was full of horny pheromones, and he eye-fucked you the whole time.”
“Horny pheromones? What the hell?”
Marcus held up his hands. “Whatever.”
I knew they thought they were being playful, funny even, but they didn’t understand my history with Deck. It wasn't something I could be flippant about. Or sanguine. That would never be our story.
“Guys, I know you mean well. And I’m not trying to be coy…” Sitting down on the couch, I squeezed my eyes shut for a second before opening them again.
Britta and Marcus sobered.
“What’s going on, Cori?” Britta asked.
I exhaled the air from my lungs. “So…long story short…When we were teenagers, Deck and I had more-than-friendly feelings for each other. Ones we never acted on. Now that we’re back in each other’s orbit, that pull is still there. But there are reasons we don’t acknowledge—” My voice faltered. “It’s complicated.”
Britta seated herself next to me, placing a hand on my knee. “We’re missing something here, obviously. It’s more than what’s going on with your brother?”
I nodded, releasing another deep, slow breath. After twelve years, I was finally ready to share with them.
“It has to do with the last night I saw Deck when we were kids.”
Speaking rapidly, I spared nothing. I told them about Deck and me, how our relationship evolved from friendship into lingering glances and stolen touches, always with our feelings unstated.
Detailing how Deck, Johnny, and their friends fell in with criminals, and how that situation spiraled, I then recounted Chi-chi’s assault in painstaking detail, down to my bloody foot. I finished with my recollection of Deck nearly killing Chi-chi with his bare fists, and the look on his face when they shoved him into the back of a police car.
“I sent him a few letters after he got locked up,” I added. “When he didn’t reply, I figured he was done with me. After my mom died, it just made sense to…leave it all behind. Leave him behind. I became a new Cori, a successful Cori. To use Marcus’s term—Robot Cori. Being back in Everett now, spending time with Johnny, and having Deck in my life have given me back little pieces of my soul. Showed me what’s been missing. I feel whole again, a whole person who can own her truth, who can finally tell you about the night Chi-chi held me down on my bed and almost raped me.”
A tear fell down Britta’s cheek. Her fingers on my knee clutched tightly.
“I don’t know what to say,” Marcus breathed out, shaking his head slowly. “All this time, I didn’t know.”
“I didn’t want you to know,” I said. “Keeping the most horrible details to myself gave me a sense of control over the narrative. I’m telling you now because I’m letting go of that. Finally.”
Britta wrapped me in her arms. “I’m so sorry that happened to you,” she said.
Pulling back, I gave her a firm glance. “I’m okay. I’ve done some therapy, and like I said, every day it gets easier.” She waited as I gathered myself and continued, “But maybe don’t make jokes about me and Deck, how he looks at me or whatever. I’m not ready to be normal with it yet. To treat it like some random attraction. Let alone open it up to commentary. It’s heavier than all that. And I’m still figuring out how to deal with thatweightbetween us.”
Britta was instantly contrite. “Of course we won’t make light of it anymore! We never meant to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay,” I assured her. “Under all usual circumstances, Ilikethat you joke around with me. It feels like something regular people do. I don’t want anyone’s pity. Or to be treated differently.”
Britta pointed at her nose, exaggeratedly rotating her finger in a circle. “This is not myI pity youface. This is myI’m so glad you told me, and I’m so proud to be your friend, and I love youface.”
I laughed. “I love you too.”
Slumped in a side chair, Marcus grunted as though to agree, but he still looked wide-eyed. It was understandable, considering he’d known me for over ten years and most of this was new information.
Britta peered at him before facing me again. “Can I ask one thing? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
I eyed her. “Okay.”
